Welcome to part 4 in this 5 part series
How to quickly get back on track after life knocks you down
You can´t do anything about your past. You can only learn from it.
But you can do something about your future. To dramatically improve your odds of making your life better you have to take responsibility for designing your own future. Start by leaving your old story behind and create a brand new and more empowering story.
Let Go Of The Past
You want to learn from your past but you don´t want to live there.
It takes a lot of courage to let things go. All the things that didn´t work out. All the betrayals, all your losses. Everything that hurt you and made you bleed.
You have to have faith to believe that what is in front of you is greater than what is behind you. You must learn to forgive, or you won´t be able to move forward in life. You will find yourself stuck and you will continue to suffer.
You will have to make a decision. If you want to move to the second half of your life you must let go of what you had that in the first half of your life and believe that you can create a better and more powerful future.
Do I want to be a prisoner of my past....or a pioneer of my future?
That is a decision that only you can make.
To be able to move on you must create a new mind. You can´t move into your future being angry and revengeful about people and situations from your past. Don´t stain you future with the experiences from the past. Let it go!
This is the reason why I studied so much to understand about narcissism. When I did realize that underneath all that abuse that my ex was inflicting on me, was just another human being in pain. My ex had been hurt by people in his own life and probably his parents had a lot to with his anger and pain. Hurt people usually end up hurting other people. It is just a different form of pain. He was also hurting and the only way he knew how to release his painful feelings was to turn around and hurt someone else. When I understood this I had no problem of forgiving and letting go. He did his best with what he had been taught by his parents and other people in his life.
"When you know better....you do better" - Maya Angelo
If I would be looking back on my past and feeling angry about my ex, I would not have the energy to be available for the moment and for planning my future. It takes a lot of energy to be angry with someone and constantly talk about how other people have hurt you.
I have been around plenty of people, and all they do is talk about how their parents hurt them or their ex betrayed them and how friends let them down. It is exhausting to listen to it. Can you imagine people re-living their pain from the past by constantly talking about it. Day in and day out. Same story. It is exhausting just thinking about it. Learn to let go of the past so that you will have more energy for the moment and for creating your future.
Stop wasting energy on what people say about you. It is not what they say about you that matters. It is what you say about yourself that threatens your future.
Other people will not defeat you...you will be defeated about what you say about YOU.
We have control of our own mind. Learn to control your thoughts, so that you will be able to create the next chapter of your life.
Treat you past as a school. Don't let the past beat you over the head with all your past failures and past losses.
Just learn from the past. Gather up all the information and all your experiences from the past and invest it in your future.
Stop living in the past. Divorce your old story and get busy creating a new one.
Reinvent Yourself and Move On
How to reinvent myself and my life took a little time for me to figure out. I had to do a lot of brainstorming in order to find myself again. After being in a toxic, narcissistic relationship I had totally forgot who I was. I had lived someone else´s life for so long I didn´t know who I was any longer.
I had to ask myself. What did I use to like doing? What are my interests? What am I passionate about? What makes me happy? What do I like? These were some of the questions that I had to ponder on.
If you don´t design your own life plan chances are you´ll fall into someone else´s plan
and guess what they have planned for you?
I think this is such a powerful quote by Jim Rohn and it fit my life perfectly. I ended up living someone else´s life for a very long time. Sacrificing my own dreams.
Don´t let this be you.
So many people end up living someone else´s plan. They do things to please others, sacrificing their own dreams.
How about parents that are doctors. They expect their child to go into medicine, but the child would rather be a musician. But since the family wants him/her to be a doctor he/she finally agrees to go to medical school and become a doctor. Then he/she will live their life being miserable because that was not his/her life path. Music was their passion, but instead they sacrificed their dreams for someone else´s vision of their future.
Or how about the son who wanted to become an actor but his father wanted him to take over the family business. Eventually the son agrees, giving up his own dreams of becoming an actor. Do you think he will live a life on purpose?
Make sure you design your own life.
I had to do a lot of brainstorming to figure out what I wanted to do with the second half of my life. I had become a nurse in my early twenties and I worked in the medical field for 10 years but I was not passionate about that. It was not my calling.
Then I spend 12 years in retail having my own boutique, but I wasn't interested in doing that again.
So what was I going to do?
Sometimes it is hard to answer this question because no one has asked us this question for a long time and of course I hadn´t thought about it for a long time either since I had been so busy living someone else´s life.
I finally came up with a lot of questions and a few processes that I used on myself to figure out what I wanted to do.
Today I use these processes with my own coaching clients to assist them in understanding and figuring out what they REALLY WANT and Why they want it.
After doing a lot of soul-searching and thinking I finally came up with the answer to all the questions.......Psychology.
Yes...of course. A vision can happen as a result of something happening to you.
"Turn your wounds into wisdom" - Oprah
Now I knew. I was going to help people create a better future for themselves. People that are stuck in life. Help them look a little higher to see what was possible for them. Assist them in moving from darkness into the light. Help them understand their past so they can move more confidently into the next chapter of their life.
I decided to turn my own suffering and my own experiences into becoming a Life Coach.
It was my Why.
And..... La Voila....That is exactly what I am doing today.
I always felt that there was a higher purpose for my suffering and my experiences.
I know that today I can help people a lot better, because I have been where they are at the moment. I can relate and I can understand what they are going through on a deeper level. And then I can help them move out of there and into a more powerful life.
Create A Vision for Your Life
I am sure a lot of you have heard.....Without a vision people will perish. From the Bible.
When I figured out what my vision was...... I was back on track.
Creating a vision for your life is very powerful.
The promise of the future is an awesome force. It is so powerful it can overcome any difficulty you are experiencing.
The future is called "The Promise". But we have to pay the price to get there. The price is discipline and hard work.
But if the future is clear, paying the price is easy.
But if the future or the promise isn´t clear the price is too difficult. We don´t want to pay the price of hard work and disciplines.
So you must design your future. You must have it well planned. Have your dreams and goals well set.
People approach the future either with anticipation or apprehension.
Guess which way most people approach the future?....You got it.....The last one.
One way to feel good about the future is to have it well designed. Plan a better future for yourself, your health, your company or your relationships. Don´t just stumble around hoping that you will just arrive there. Design it in great detail.
Start feeling good about the future.
"The best way to predict the future is to create it"
- Abraham Lincoln
If you don´t have a well designed plan for your future I suggest you start creating one.
Take some time to sit down and figure it out........
What do you really want?
Why do you want it?
How are you going to do it?
Create a game plan and then start taking daily action steps toward you future.
Sometimes we are afraid to start something because the outcome is uncertain.
If you focus on the WHAT and the WHY - the HOW will take care of itself.
Just because you don´t know how every single step of your journey is going to unfold, that should not stop you from getting started.
I remember back in 2012 after I had decide that I was going to return to The States and go back to school to become a certified life coach, I didn´t know how I was going to do it. I just knew what I was going to do and why I was going to do it. I felt like the rest of the plan would appear as I was taking action and moving forward. I was right. New information all of a sudden showed up. New friendships and people appeared in my life. Forgot to mention money...it also appeared.
I didn't know in the beginning how it would work out. But it did.
I returned to Texas in 2013 and one year later I became a certified life coach.
All you need to do is to get clear on what you what and then take the first step.
Remember nothing happens until you take action. You can have the most well designed plan but if you don´t start taking daily action steps toward you vision.....all you will have is a well designed plan.
Taking Action...is key.
There are no shortcuts to any place worth going. Remember that great things take time, but your dreams are worth the wait.
You have to commit to stay on the path. No excuses.
You were not born to play small. You were born to sail. To expand. To grow. To lie a bigger brighter version of yourself.
Thank you for tuning in. Thank you for keeping your heart open to what I have shared.
Thank you for spreading the word and sharing with friends and family.
We always have the power to change the direction of our lives, at any time.
See you tomorrow for part 5
Karin Glannstam - Personal Success Coach