Monday, December 31, 2018

You Have The Power To Stay Calm

                                             "One of the best lessons you can learn in life,
                                                                 it to remain calm."
                                                               - Catherine Pulsifer

Have you ever paid attention to animals out in nature when they fight?
Most of the time the fighting only last for a short period of time. Probably only a few seconds. When birds are through fighting they move away from each other, shake their bodies, flap their wings and then they move on.
Same things when dogs or cats fight. It might sound bad when they are rolling around on the ground, showing their teeth and growling, but most of the time it's over with in a matter of seconds and then they get up, shake their bodies and move on.
Animals don't hold a grudge. They don't plan to get even with the animal that started the fight. They are not gossiping and posting mean and hurtful words on Facebook. They don't gossip and try to sabotage for other animals.
What do they do? The fight quickly, shake it off and then they move on.

What do we humans do?
The opposite. We hang onto anger, resentment, jealousy, bitterness for a very long time. For some people, maybe their whole life.
"My parents did me wrong, so I will never forgive them for what they did." or  "My spouse treated me like crap, so I will talk bad about him/her every chance that I get. And I don't care who listens. Every person that I met for the rest of my life, will know what I bad husband/wife, he/she was.
I will show him/her."

I believe we have a lot to learn from the animals. We must learn to let things go. And the sooner we can do this, the better off we are. But instead of acting like the animals we hang onto things forever and that will eventually wreck havoc in our own lives.
We allow other people and the world to disturb our peace.

Have you ever paid attention to the waves of the ocean.
They come in all sizes and sometimes when there is a storm going on, the waves are huge. But if you go below the surface just a little bit, you will discover that there is always calm there. If we can learn to just remain there in the calm water, just below the surface when upsetting things, other people's drama and the chaos in the world is going on, we will feel so much better. And in the end we will have happiness, freedom and peace of mind.
But what do most of us do? We just jump straight into the water and the waves. The problem with this approach is that most people don't know how to surf and the waves will constantly keep on knocking them over.
This is an exhausting way to live. Being reactive all the time. It will wear you completely out. You will waste a lot of precious mental energy that can be used for something better, like pursuing your vision, for example.

One reason why I think that having a vision for our life is a must, is that I will actually work like a giant magnet. It will pull us through thinking and spending too much of our time in the past. And it will also help us with the every day distraction that are pulling us sideways.
What do I mean by distractions. Other people's agenda, the chaos in the world, people's drama and their craziness. If you keep on focus on these things, the distractions from the past and also the distractions form the world and other people, it will be hard for you to reach your destiny. What you're meant to do on this earth.

A few weeks ago a got off track and ended up in the ditch, as I call it.
I had gotten involved with a little bit of drama from another person, which I allowed to disturb my own peace of mind. I allowed it to get in the way of where I was going.
You know our own mind can sometimes hijack us. Well I have to admit that my own thoughts hijacked me that day and allowed my mind to take me to a place where I really didn't want to go. I allowed myself to get in the middle of the waves in the ocean, without knowing how to surf.
It is a good way to drown in your own "stinking thinking."

Later in the day, I was talking to a great friend and confidant about what had happened and she told me a story about when she was young and allow the actions of her boyfriend to disturb her peace of mind. Actually she couldn't sleep for one night and she told me that the next morning she made an agreement with herself, to not to ever allow the little stuff, that is actually not that important, to ever disrupt her sleep again. It really wasn't that big of a deal.

Later, I was talking to another good friend of mine, but I didn't not tell her what had happened during the day and she was basically telling me the same thing, never sweat the little stuff. Learn to let it go quickly.

And then a few hours later, the same day I was watching my dog Lady, chewing on a piece of rawhide on the floor. At the same time another dog was running back and forth in front of her, just barking up a storm. But the neat thing was that Lady didn't even look up. She didn't allow this dog to disturb her peace and her enjoying chewing on that bone.

So I told myself....."Wow, my own dog is better than me at not allowing the little stuff  to bother her." Amazing.....I must learn from her.
Both my friends told me not to let the little stuff, that really isn't between me and my destiny to affect me. In other wasn't important and I was making a big thing out of something small. I allowed my own brain to take me for a big ride.

So I have decided that I need to work on being in the calm water below the surface of the ocean.
I must stop reacting and stay out of the choppy waters as much as I can.

Does this sound familiar to you?
Do you spend a lot of time in choppy water, but you don't know how to either swim of surf? I believe a lot of us do. We are more reactive instead of just responding and then shake it off as quickly as possible.
In this area we have a lot to learn from the animals.  Your own peace of mind is the most valuable thing that you have. Don't allow other people's drama and the chaos of the world to take you down on a undesirable path.

(Here is a blog a wrote a while back..... react vs respond)

We have the power to choose our own thoughts.
We also have the power to react or to just simply respond and then release. It's totally up to us.

We mustn't allow the actions of the world and the actions of other people to hijack our brain. I know …….sometimes it's easier said than done, but with some practice we can remain in the calm waters below the surface and simply decide to respond and walk away.
That way we will conserve our energy for more important battles and storms in our lives. The battles that are worth fighting for. But if the battle isn't between you and your destiny, let it go. Because if you get involved in it, you might even miss your destiny.

Stay on your path and stay in the calm water, below the surface.


Wednesday, December 26, 2018

If You Have A Dream, Do Yourself A Favor And Pursue It

                          It's not about what you have. It's about what you do with what you have. 
                                I am talking about knowledge, talents, wisdom and experiences.
                                             Apply what you have. Share it with the world.

Now is the perfect time to think about where you are and where you wan to go from here.
I believe we always need a big goal to help us grow and evolve.
So think of a dream that you really want to achieve.

                                                 "The start is what stops most people."
                                                                   - Don Shula

What do you want to accomplish in the next year, 2, 3 or 5 years?
What do you want to be, to have or to do?

Since this year is soon coming to an end, I just want you to spend some time thinking about what you want for 2019.
Have you got some goals already written down?

I suggest that you set some goals for every are of your life
- Your relationships
- Your physical being
- Your job/career
- Your mental development
- Your finances
- Your spiritual alignment

                     "Believe in your vision for the future even when others don't understand you."
                                                                      - Billy Cox

When you truly decide to do something, you are committed to achieving the result. You cut yourself off from any other possibility.

                           Nobody is going to knock on your door and push you to do anything.
                                                         It has to come from you.

- Do you know what you really want?
- Are you ready to commit to it?

If you desire something greater for yourself, 
don't put off your plans to change until some later date.
Make today the day.


Monday, December 17, 2018

A New You - The Story About Ditto, The Dog

                                              "The new year will be like the old one
                                            if you keep on doing the same old things."
                                                            - Jean-Paul Mafatti

A dear friend of mine has a dog and his name is Ditto.
He is three year old Springer Spaniel. Wonderful dog, except for one thing, he is not disciplined at all. He is full of energy, just like you would expect an adolescent is going to be. But not being disciplined is creating a pretty big problem in his life. He constantly jumps on people and he is big and powerful enough to knock you down. He doesn't listen to anything you tell him to do. Basically, he runs the show, around my friends house. Not good.

Now we know that there usually aren't any bad dogs, just bad dog-owners. It isn't his fault that my friend hasn't take the time to discipline him. I have to admit that my friend is a little on the lazy side ( I hope she isn't reading this blog) and she doesn't want to take the time to teach him. She doesn't have the patience either to follow through on her discipline. Don't get me wrong, this dog is very loved and well taken care of and Anne is a wonderful person and a great friend.

Cesar Milan, also known as "The Dog-whisperer" on TV,
always talks about how a dog needs three things to live a happy and balanced life and those three things are 1. exercise, 2. discipline and 3. love. They need all three. And if you have ever watched his show you will soon realize that most people are great at giving love, some exercise but very seldom do they want to disciple their dogs. And this is why Cesar Milan has a lot of work to do with the dog-owners. It's the dog-owners that need the training, not the dogs. See the thing is,  dogs love discipline and they love routines. It makes them very happy and fulfilled. (same thing with humans).

In the beginning the dogs might fight you for a while when you are starting a new program with them that now includes discipline. You must be patient with them because they have been able to do whatever they wanted for a long time, and all of a sudden they are not able to do it, and they now have a new daily routine. And the things that they did before, they are no longer allowed to do. It can be a little confusing to them in the beginning.

My friend Anne asked me to help her with her dog Ditto. He needed more discipline in his life. I took him on as my new project. To be honest with you both my friend Anne and Ditto both need discipline in their lives.
At first Ditto fought me like crazy. When I took him on walks, he didn't want to walk on a leash or do anything I wanted him to do. But I am stubborn and I have patience, and I have also trained a quite few dogs of my own, so I knew what to expect. It got a little easier as the days and weeks went by. But somedays he didn't want to do anything and simply refused. The next day he did a lot better. It is taking some time, but overall he has gotten a lot better and he is well on his way to becoming a very well behaved dog. Now I just have to go to work on my friend, Anne. She too have to become more disciplined herself and also she must now enforce the new disciplines or Ditto will eventually just go back to being a stubborn dog and he will probably be and running the household again. And we don't want that to happen.

By now you are probably wondering where I am going with this story about my friend Anne and her dog, Ditto?

It's the same thing in our own lives, as human being. Here is an example of what I am talking about.
Maybe you have been eating wrong for many years and you decide that you are now going to start eating healthier and start exercising. In other words you are going to develop a few new disciplines in your life, on a daily base.
First your "old you" is not going to like the new disciplines but your potential "new you" is fighting back and trying to keep the "old you" on track with healthier habits. Some days are easier than others. All of a sudden one day you are taking several steps forward, but then a few days later, something happens and you are now back to where you were a week or two ago. You feel frustrated and sometimes you might even want to give up because you can't see any change.

Progress and new disciplines take time to develop and you have to be very patient with yourself. But at the same time the new disciplines makes you feel better. You are happier and your life seems to be a little easier.

We are all very much like the dog Ditto, that I am talking about. It's hard to learn new disciplines when you have been able to do whatever you wanted to do, when you wanted to do them.
Yes, it's hard to get off the coach in the evening, and go for a walk or go to the gym, especially since you have been on it for years watching TV every night.
It's hard to quit eating the hamburgers or the ice-cream and instead choose a salad and some fruit for dessert. It's difficult in the beginning because you don't see any changes and you might even think that you are an impossible case, and that it's too late for you to accomplish your dream.

But you have to keep on going. You will eventually see great results. Maybe not as fast as you want them to happen, but I promise you..... they will happen. Unless you quit your new routine and give into the "old you."
In the end it's all  worth it. A few new disciplines implemented on a daily base will make your life so much easier down the road.
Do the work today and then live like a champion later.

My work with Ditto isn't over with. But now I also have to go to work on his human, Anne, because she needs to continue the disciplines on a daily base or Ditto will go back to his "old self"' and we definitely don't want that.

It's like a constant fight in the beginning between the "old you" and the "new you" that wants to emerge.
Yes, it takes a lot of work and self discipline. It's simple to talk about new disciplines and new plans for your new life but it is not always that easy to make it happen . The "old you is fighting hard to keep you were you used to be while the "new you" is showing you a better and more empowering  way to be and to live. Make sure that the "new you" wins. Even thought some days you might want to go back to the "old you." If you get knocked off your new path and end up in the ditch, just make sure that you will not stay there too long.
Simply, get back on track on the journey of becoming a better, happier, healthier and more empowered "new you."

                                                         "If you want something new,
                                                you have to stop doing something old."
                                                                   - Peter Drucker

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Wednesday, December 12, 2018

Give The World What You Got

                                              "Don't cheat the world of your contribution.
                                                              Give it what you got."
                                                                 - Steven Pressfield

It's not about what you have. It's about what you do with what you have. It doesn't matter if it's talents or your gifts, knowledge, wisdom or experience. What matters is that you start applying what you have, right now. Share it with the world.

You are good enough and you have something to share with the world to make it a better place. Start sharing today. Do be shy. Don't bury your talents by your fear. Come out of hiding today.

                                                     "Fear and self-doubt have always been 
                                                     the greatest enemies of human potential."
                                                                         - Brian Tracy

You know, there will never be the perfect time to start. Actually the perfect time is NOW.

Stop trying to be perfect. Perfectionism is an illusion and prevents you from reaching your goal. Act quickly, doing the best you can. Look around you right now, can you see any opportunities? Are there things that you have been thinking about that you would like to do? Have you had any great ideas lately? You know, you have to act on these ideas and opportunities, or nothing will happen.

                                              "Continuous effort - not strength or intelligence
                                                     is the key to unlocking our potential."
                                                                 - Winston Churchill

Are you playing it safe or going for what you really want? For those who take a leap, it's always worth it in the end. It's not going to be easy, but it will be worth it.
What if in just one year, your life could be transformed?

                                                       "We'll never know our full potential
                                                        unless we push ourselves to find it."
                                                                        - Travis Rice

Now is the perfect time to look at where you are right now and where you want to go from here.
We need a big goal to help us grow, expand and for us to be happy.
So right now, I want you to think of a dream that you would really like to achieve. Go for something big. Something that makes you jump out of bed every morning and during the day you can hardly stop thinking about it. Something that will change your life forever.
Go Big!

                                              "There is no paycheck that can equal the feeling
                                              of contentment that comes from being the person
                                                                  you are meant to be."
                                                                       - Oprah Winfrey


Monday, December 10, 2018

You Don't Know Your Full Potential Unless You Push Yourself To Find It

                                                  "The vision that we create in our minds,
                                                        is the blue print of our destiny."

2018 is almost over with. Three weeks left of this year.

How are you coming along with your goals and your future vision for your life?

Were you able to accomplish the goals that you set up for yourself and your life?

If not, do you know what happened? 
What did you do wrong and how can you correct it for this coming year so that you can get back on track towards the future you want to see and experience?

If you were able yo accomplish your goals, what did you do right and what are you going to do for this coming year to continue on your path towards living the life that you have envisioned for yourself?

I believe that we must all sit down at the end of the year and reflect back on this year that went by and figure out what we did that worked. 
What we can do better and what we must improve on. What we must stop doing because it doesn't work. 
And last we must celebrate and appreciate ourselves for doing a great job and striving to want to do better for this coming year.

If you don't have a future vision for your life, I suggest that you take some time to sit down and figure out what you really want. Have a pen and a notebook and start writing down all the things that come to your mind.
It might take a little time to figure out what you want, because a lot of people are so busy taking care of the need of all the people around them that they seldom have time to think of what they actually want for themselves.

But how can you strive for something if you don't know what it is?
How can you hit a target if you don't know what it is?
You can't.
But only you can figure it out. 
You have to figure out what you want and what will work for you. Not what anyone else think and what will work for them. 
No, what you want and what will work for you.

Here are a few steps for you to follow.

Develop a vision. Let's call it future visioning.
What do you want your life to look like?
Your job, your intimate relationship, friendships,  health, hobbies, finances and your personal development.
Who do you want to become?

Develop a vision and then work towards it. 

You want to be going somewhere.
Figure out what isn't working in your life and then stop doing those things.
Then figure out your ideal future. What does it look like, and the figure out what you must start doing in order to move closer to where you want to be in the future. 
We can call it a planned sequence of behavior. 

So tonight sit down and have a conversation with yourself. Plan the life that you want to have.

Develop a vision.
Break down the goal into micro processes.
Make a daily schedule and stick to it.
Learn from your errors.
Aim high and strive to attain it. 
Put some effort into your life. Doing nothing is easy.
Take great care of yourself because you are valuable.

Your future depend on what you do today. 
You are what you do, not what you say you will do.
Don't wait, the time will never be right.
Be the energy that you want tot attract..

                                    "There is no heavier burden that an unfulfilled potential."
                                                                - Charles Schultz

If you do the work, the change you want will happen
No more trying. Get it done.
It's not easy. But it's worth it.

If you need help creating a vison and a plan to accomplish your vision you can sign up for one-on-one life coaching.
All coaching is confidential and it's done via Skype or phone.
If you want more information or if you want to schedule a 20 minute FREE initial consultation you can contact me via email : or through my website


Wednesday, December 5, 2018

Wherever You Are, Be All There

                                                             "Be here, be present.
                                                               Wherever you are,
                                                                     be there."
                                                              - Willie Nelson

Today I wan to talk about a pattern that most of us are seeing and experiencing more and more of in our lives.

We are having a hard time being present in the moment and we are having a hard time being present with other people.

It's sad to see families eating together, but instead of talking and connecting with each other they are all on different electronic devices.

I see mothers out walking with their children or at the playground and instead of paying attention and being there 100 percent with their child, they are on the phone, talking or texting.

What has happened? Why can't we be present with each other anymore, without constantly looking at our phone or staring at an iPad or a computer?

About a month ago I was in a business meeting with a man in his office. I was there for about an hour. The whole time we were talking he was constantly glancing at his computer screen.
I felt as we were three people in this meeting. Actually I felt more like he didn't really wanted to be there talking to me. This meeting wasn't important to him.

But I also know that his behavior had nothing to do with me and everything to do with him. He just wasn't present in the moment. And I would imagine that he is doing this with a lot of other people too.
It's a pattern of behavior. Not a good one, I might add.

Can you imagine when you do this to your child. They don't have the brain capacity to understand that the parents behavior, isn't their fault. Instead they will blame themselves and think that they are not important in their parents life. Maybe they might even feel like they are not lovable, because if they were, their parents would be paying attention to and spend time with them, instead of constantly staring at a screen.
What kind of messages are we sending to our children?

A couple of years ago I remember having dinner with this particular man. We probably met about three times. And every time we sat down to eat, he always made sure that his phone was on the table and that he could see the screen. Ever so often the phone would make a sound, indicating that there was a notification for him. So every time the phone would make a sound, this man would stare at the phone and read the message.
I can understand that if you are expecting an important phone call that you want to keep your phone close to you. But then you need to inform the other person what is going on. That you need to answer the phone when this person is calling you.
You can imagine how much I enjoyed dining out with this man? Well, after doing this for a couple of times, I didn't want to meet with this person anymore. I gave him my undivided attention and I expected the same treatment from him.
Again his behavior had nothing to do with me and everything to do with him. My time is precious and I will only spend it with people who appreciate it.

Don't get me wrong, I love my computer and what it can do. I use it almost every day in my business. And I think a cell phone is also a wonderful invention. But too much of anything will wreck havoc in our lives. But what is too much?

What do you think?
Are you spending a lot of time staring at screens, when instead you should be present with other people?

Be Present, Be Mindful, Be There!


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Monday, December 3, 2018

A Daily Dose Of Soul Food - 365 daily inspirations that will change your life today

                                                        "Hold fast to dreams,
                                                            for if dreams die,
                                        life is a broken-winged bird that cannot fly."
                                                           - Langston Hughes

I am so excited because my third book was published last week.
The book is available to order on Amazon - worldwide.

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A Daily Dose Of Soul Food - 365 inspirations that will change your life today.

I believe that how we start our day is how we live our lives.

The way you start the day can set the tone for how the rest of the day will follow. What you choose to do with those critical hours before your workday gets underway, can have a lot to do with your success in life.

For me it started many years ago, when the only quiet time I had during the day was very early in the morning, before the rest of the household woke.

I called it ….."My POWER Hour" - the best hour of my day.

After doing third for a while, I realized that I had a lot better, more productive and more peaceful day, if I got my sixty minutes of quiet time early in the morning.

Interesting thoughts have a tendency to emerge when the rest of the world is quiet.

Fast forward to day, almost ten years later. A lot of things have changed in my life, but I still start my day off with my "Power Hour". Some days I just sip on a cup of hot tea and reflect on my life and my experiences. Some days I read a book or some short inspirational message. And some days I listen to some educational seminar or podcast on YouTube.

I seldom go a day without my "Power Hour" in the morning. If I do, I feel like something is missing.

I know that we all have busy lives and you might say, "I would like to try doing that, but I really don't have an hour to spare in the morning."

But can you maybe spare five minutes?
Can you maybe get out of bed five minutes early and invest in yourself, by doing something good for yourself?

It's like taking your vitamins in the morning. Or eating a healthy breakfast. It is great for the body.

But what about doing something that is good for your mind and your spirit?
Do you do something good in those areas?

This is exactly why I created this book.
One short inspirational and empowering message for each day of the year, to set the tone for your day.
Something for you to ponder on for the rest of the day.

Your own "Power Hour" in just a few minutes.

Do something good for your mind. Give it a great start in the morning.

I hope you will pick up your copy of A Daily Dose Of Soul Food.
This book is great gift for someone or a great Christmas present.

Order your copy today on Amazon. 
Available worldwide.


Wednesday, November 28, 2018

If You Fear Something - You Must Do What You Fear

                        "Every time you encounter something that forces you to "handle it,"
                                               your self-esteem is raised considerably.
                          You learn to trust that you will survive, no matter what happens.
                                 And in this way your fears are diminished immeasurable."
                                                            - Susan Jeffers

what things have you stopped doing, or never even attempted to do, simply because you can't stand the feeling of fear once you try to venture out of your comfort zone, just a little?

The feeling of fear, you know that feeling you get when you are just about to do something that scares you.
Not only is it an uncomfortable feeling but your "Inner Critic" is just letting you know that you are not good enough. You will never be successful at doing what you are trying to do. It reminds you not to make a fool of yourself in front of others, so you better stay where you are and don't try it. "Who do you think you are?" is another great way for our "Inner Critic" to lash out at us. How about letting us know that we are too old/young? You probably don't have the right education either, and you don't know the right people. How about having enough money to take a chance in life? What if you go broke, trying to accomplish your dream? What will happen then?

                                    "The only way to get rid of fear of doing something
                                                         is to go out and do it."
                                                              - Susan Jeffers

Your "Inner Critic" is the best soap opera director out there. It will create "mind movies" of doom and gloom. Failures and a path filled with nothing but obstacles and you better stay where you and do the same things that you have always done. Hang out with the same people all the time. Stay in a relationship that you have outgrown a long time ago. Go to a job that you hate. can do this.....FEEL THE FEAR AND DO IT ANYWAY.

I just read this excellent book, written by Susan Jeffers with that title. I highly recommend it.

First of all you must realize that you are not alone in having these feelings and you are not the only one with an active "Inner Critic" that never wants to leave you alone. Not even at night. Actually I think the "Inner Critic" will actually work harder after dark. And when you lying there in bed, it will start playing those horror movies in your mind again.

Jack Canfield (Coauthor of Chicken Soup for the Soul) write on the front of the book.....
"Should be requires for every person who can read! I recommend this book in every one of my seminars."

This book contains great insight. Dynamic techniques for turning fear, indecision, and anger into power, action, and love.

Pick up a copy today!!!


Monday, November 26, 2018

Sometimes You Have To Shut Your Mouth And Just Listen

                                                 "People don't always need advice.
                                            Sometimes all they need is a hand to hold,
                                           and an ear to listen and a heart to understand."

Do you feel like you are a patient person?

Here is another question.....
Do you feel like you are patient with other people?
Do you take time to listen to them and what they are trying to tell you? Or are you in a hurry and can't wait to get rid of them so that you can move on to something more important or something that you rather do instead?

Unfortunately a lot of people don't have anyone to talk to anymore. Someone that they can really trust and that they can open up to and not be afraid of being judged or condemned. And many people are also afraid to show their vulnerability because they are afraid that what they have shared might later be used against them.

Often a lot of people just need an listening ear. They don't want advice.  They don't want you tell them what they are doing wrong (they probably already know that).  And they don't want you to tell them how to do it right either. They just want you to be a compassionate listener. Someone they can be totally honest with. In other words, a friend that they can count on.

                                                   Do not listen with the intent to reply.
                                                      But with the intent to understand.

As a life coach I listen to people and their stories. Nowadays, people often feel stressed, overwhelmed angry, upset, frustrated and sad, and they have a lot of hurt and pain bottled up inside them.

Also as a life coach I am trying to help my clients to look at their problem(s) from a different angle. Show then how to shift their focus from the problem and try to find some solution(s) and then put an action plan together on how to solve the problem and move on with their life.
Sounds easy, right?

But sometimes people don't want you to solve their problem. They just want you to be with them in the moment, and to be an active listener. That's all they want. 
They don't want a solution showed down their throat. They don't want you to tell them what you did in the passed that helped you and what solved your problem. And they don't want you to tell them to follow your advice and just do it. It worked for you, so naturally it will absolutely work for them. Problem solved.

I am a very action oriented person myself and I want people to feel better, by raising their awareness, giving them some tools on how to solve their problem and to live a better life. But sometimes I have to put on the breaks and take a step back, because often it happens that a person just need to talk to someone that is actually going to be with them in the moment and pay attention to what they are saying. That's all they want. Hold a space for them. Be there 100 percent and just listen.
If you can learn to do this you will be amazed at what positive impact you can have in this person's life and also in this world, if you will just learn to be a good listener.

A lot of people actually don't need advice. I have realized that a lot of people don't need my wisdom and my tools as a coach, they just need my ears.

I believe all of us need to be better listeners.
We need to step away from giving people our opinion or advice right away, especially if they haven't asked for it.
Learn to be sensitive to what the need is, in this person that you are hoping to help.
Show people that you are concerned and that you really care.
Stop talking about yourself and what is going on in your life. Be present with this person 100 percent.

                            Someone who takes then time to listen when we are at our lowest
                                                         is rare and should be valued.

I have also been the person on the other end. The person that desperately just needed someone to listen to me for a little while. And many times I have tried to tell people that I just need a few minutes of their time. Because I was feeling really frustrated or sad at then time, and I  just wanted them to sit down with me for a few minutes and listen.
You will be surprised to realize how few people will actually be sensitive to what you feel and what you need at that moment. And few will actually take the time to slow down for a few minutes and actually listen to you. 
It's a terrible feeling when you are trying to reach out to people and they don't understand that you just want them to listen to you and that you just need a few minutes of their time. Instead they are so busy, telling you a few words of encouragement, maybe even a quick hug so they can go on an do what they want to do. 

I suggest that all of us take the time to listen to other people. 
If you make a habit of being sensitive to what a person really, really needs, instead of thinking about how much you have to do and thinking about how having this conversation with this person will put you behind on your schedule for the day.

Take the time to listen to others because one day you might need someone to be sensitive to your needs and take the time to listen to you.

Wednesday, November 21, 2018

Live A Life Of Purpose And Meaning

                                            "The purpose of life is to discover your gift.
                                                   The work of life is to develop it.
                                        The meaning of life is to give your gift away."
                                                             - David Viscott

I have a great question for you today.

What exactly are you doing in this world?

Have you even thought about this question?

If not.....why don't you take a few minutes right now, to ponder on this question.

What did you come up with?

You know, we all matter and what we do matters.

We are all unique individual. Everyone has been created with a gift or a talent. That gift/talent is unique to you. It's also up to you to utilize that gift/talent that has been given to you.

If you incorporate your gift/talent into your life and share it with the world it will give you happiness, success, purpose, meaning, passion and it will make you feel alive.

What do you want?

Figure out what is good for you and do more of that.

Realize the stupid things that you do that are probably going to prevent you from succeeding in life, and stop doing them.

Ask yourself....what am I doing right now that are not in my best interest?

Figure out what you value in life.
Set up some goals.
Put in some effort in life.....what motivates you?

You must have a valuable goal or you won't feel motivated and if you won't feel motivated, you won't take action.

We must have goals in our lives to be happy. Create a goal that makes you want to jump out of bed in the morning, excited and ready for the day to begin.

Figure out a goal and then figure out a game plan how to get there.
Realize that with some effort from you, this goal can actually happen, and it will be worthwhile for you to pursue it.

Why should you do something?
Just sitting around and do nothing is easy. But will it give your life meaning?

Be determined to find a worthwhile goal so that you don't just sit around.

Who do you want to be?

Figure it out and then start building that person

Create a vision for your life. Something that gives you purpose.
Never allow the past to stop you from living a fulfilling life. Never allow the limitations of others to limit your own vision. Believe in yourself and you can achieve anything.

Are you doing something with your life?
Are you doing all that you need and can do?
Are you the person that you want to be?


Monday, November 19, 2018

How To Get Over Betrayal

                                                        The saddest thing about betrayal is
                                                    that it never comes from your enemies.

                                                Nothing hurts more than being disappointed
                                             by the person you thought would never hurt you.

If you are reading this right now, I am almost sure that you have been betrayed by someone close to you at least once in your life, maybe even more times.
It hurts. Really, really hurts. Some of the worst pains are inflicted on us by the people closest to us. The people that we trust and thought would never hurt us. Sad but true.
You ask yourself, how could they have done this to me? Of course there will never be an answer to that question.

How do we deal with this betrayal? I know you probably don't want to hear this but I am going to say it anyway.....Forget about them and move on. They were lying to you and they were untrustworthy. So, move on.
I know that it's hard to do and obviously this person were someone that you trusted and they got to a point where they were able to betray your trust and sometimes it feels like they were even able to destroy you.

First you have to see this person for who they truly are. This person was not who you thought they were. The whole idea that this person was a good human being, that they were honest, kind, trustworthy and a faithful friend or companion, is not true. The person that you thought existed, did not exist.  Actually they never existed. It was all in your head that this person was trustworthy and that were somehow everything that you wanted them to be. They have now proved to you by their actions that it was a lie. The best thing you can to is to move on and get over it.

Sometimes it can be a little more difficult to move on, especially if someone have tied themselves to you. A good example of this is if you have children together, then it might not be that easy to just move on. But you can actually mentally and emotionally move on. Detaching from this person emotionally is the best thing that you can do.

Stop dwelling on what was and what could have been. If you keep on dwelling on what was and what could have been you will remain attached to them. Instead deal with reality. Deal with what is right now. Accept it. The faster you accept the truth the faster you will be able to detach and move on.
Be grateful that you were able to recognize and learn before you had invested any more time into this relationship and this person. Be grateful that you found out when you did that this person was a liar and that you couldn't trust him/her. Be grateful that you found out today instead of years from now.

I want you to also realize that there are plenty of good men and women out there in the world. Why don't you stop dwelling on the past and go out in the world and find a good one. They are out there. You will absolutely be able to find someone that is more in alignment of what you actually do want. Don't get trapped by obsessing over a fantasy. was a fantasy. It was an image that you made up in your own mind about this person. You built a fantasy. You are in love with a fantasy and it's time to stop being attached to it. Often when we build a fantasy around a person we have a tendency to ignore the red flags and we only remember the good times. And often we glorify the good times when it might only have been an hour or two per week. Just remember that the person that you assembled in your mind, does not exist.

One great thing that you can start doing is to spend some time with yourself. It's perfectly OK to be by yourself. Enjoy being alone. Build a new relationship with yourself. Learn about yourself. Go on a path of self-discovery.
Start doing something productive like exercising, mediate, write, start a journal. Slowly start trusting yourself again.
When we have been betrayed by someone we often believe that our judgement is off.  We trusted this person and somehow we didn't see the red flags and we automatically assume that our judgement is off. Look back and try to figure out the red flags that you missed. Learn so that the next time you will be able to recognize them right away.

In the future, get to know people slowly. Be a little suspicious but learn to build trust after they prove themselves. Only share important stuff with people that have earned your trust. Get to know people slowly. Start with small steps. Learn to trust and rely on yourself again.

I have gone through a couple of terrible betrayal in my own life. The latest and hopefully the last one happened in 2012 and I have written about it in my book..... Bounce, Don't Break - how to successfully bounce back after life knocks you down. The book is available on Amazon, worldwide.
After the betrayal in 2012 my coaching business was born in 2013. A huge setback made room for an even bigger comeback.

Move on
Forget the person who lied to you
Learn from the lesson
Get to know yourself
Trust yourself
There are plenty of trustworthy human beings in the world.  Go and find one.