Welcome to part 3 of this 5 part series
How to quickly get back on track after life knocks you down
When you go through a crisis, a difficult time or a painful situation, there is always a breakthrough on the other side. All you have do to get to the other side is..... the willingness to look at the lesson
What is this difficulty or this crisis here to tell me?
A new level is waiting for you on the other side of the breakdown.
Learn. Study. Personal Development
Never seize your quest for knowledge.
I have always being a curious person and it has helped me through my own crisis. When I learned that my ex was a narcissist I had to study narcissism to understand more and why it happen and what I could do about it. I also had to find out the effects of narcissistic abuse on the people that were affected after being in a relationship with one.
I did all of that to understand why I was feeling so bad after leaving the relationship in 2012. I learned about PTSD, anxiety and panic attacks. So when it happened I was more prepared for it. The "Dark Knight of the Soul" was something that I was also aware of and sure enough I had to go through it and all the pain that happened while moving through that process.
Self-Education has helped me a lot to be able to understand what happened, why it happened and also to make sure that it won´t happen in the future.
Since I had been around a very negative person for many years some of that energy had naturally rubbed off on me. It is hard to be in a relationship with someone and not allow there energy to affect you. That is why it is so important to pay attention and be selective with the people that we surround ourselves with. It is so easy to get pulled into complaining, being pessimistic, being resentful, gossiping and judging. It is easy to have a negative outlook on life. If you know anything about narcissist..... they are very fearful and extremely negative people.
Not in the beginning of the relationship when they are pouring on the charm. But when they have you hooked they slowly turn off the charm and switch on the abuse. It doesn´t happen over night. It is very settled and that is why it is so hard to detect.
After I left the narcissistic relationship in 2012, I could not sleep for many months. Instead I used to get up at night and turn on webinars and teleseminars. Anything that had to do with Personal Development. I knew in order for me to feel better and for things to get better for me...... I had to get better. In a way I felt like I had to reprogram my brain if I was going to be able to move on and be successful in my life. I listened for hours and hours both day and night. I poured it on. It didn´t matter I could not sleep and relax anyway so I felt like I might as well put this time to good use.
I can´t tell you how many webinars that I have listed to by now. I still listen to something educational and motivational almost every day.
The things I listen to and the people that I listen to have changed during the years. But it all has to do with Personal Development.
I recommend it.
We live in such a negative world. Negativity is everywhere. Find some inspiring and educational to listen to every day. If you spend a lot of time in your car get some cd´s or download some programs that you can listen to while you are driving.
It is called NET Time = NO EXTRA TIME.
Read all you can. It is easy to read or to listen to something inspirational. Be curious. Study.
Learn where the dangers are and how to avoid them.
Learn where the opportunities are and how to maximize them.
Never seize the quest for knowledge.
You should want to be bigger tomorrow than you are today. Learn from today and use those lessons to make tomorrow even better. And don´t be impatient with the time it takes to grow. Instead use the time and the lessons you have learned to your advantage.
Personal Development is a process with no end. The more you learn the more you realize how much you still need to learn.
Become a student of your own life. Pay attention. Sort through everything and keep the necessary knowledge.
You have to invest in yourself, do the inner work and put yourself back together piece by piece.
Do some constructive listening. Build your life... reading. You must teach yourself.
It can be the difference between being stuck in your past or embracing your future.
Cut Out Negativity
As I said earlier.....We live in such a negative world.
If you turn on the news it is mostly about killings, muggings, rapes, thefts, shootings, kidnappings and abuse. Same thing with the newspaper. It is difficult to have a positive and productive day after reading the morning newspaper or listening to the morning news.
Think of it like this...
You want to bake a delicious cake. So you naturally want to have the best ingredients to make this cake taste delicious...right?
But instead you pour in dirt, cement and small rocks......and you think you will be able to make it taste good?
Same thing with your mind.....you pour in bad ingredients into you "mental factory" and you think you will come out with inspiration, motivation and progress for the coming day and for your life?
As they say.......Trash in....Trash out.
Be aware and careful what you allow to enter your "mental factory" if you want to live and feel positive about your life and your future.
I stopped watching TV in 2012 except for a few programs that I carefully select. Super Soul Sunday with Oprah is the perfect program for me. It recharges my batteries for the coming week and it is loaded with super rich food for your soul. I do like movies but I prefer to watch a movie that I select on DVD or Netflix. I never channel surf. It is a waste of precious valuable time that I can use for something more productive.
In the average American household the TV is on 7 hours per day. Can you imagine what you could do with that time? Maybe learn a new skill or a new language?
I have only talked about TV. But it is the same things with The Internet, social media and cell phones. Be ware of energy and time thieves.
Now I do have to point out that The Internet isn´t all bad. There is a lot of useful, educational information and articles online. But we must learn to be selective when it comes to what we read and listen to.
Also be aware of the people that you surround yourself with.
"You become like the 5 people you spend the most time with"
Who are you spending time with?
People can either inspire you or they can drain you (Energy-Vampires) There are plenty of people who want to bring you down to their level, if you allow them.
Make sure that you surround yourself with people who are happy, positive and successful. The people that are going somewhere in life. The dreamers and the doers.
Surround yourself with people who believe in your dreams and that will support you as you pursue your new goals.
During the years I have had to cut out several people in my life. Others I had to limit the time I spent with them. I made sure in 2012, when I was feeling really bad that I only allowed supportive people into my life. Some people had to go. You don´t have to cut them out of your life forever but when you are trying to recuperate and create a new vision for your life, you certainly don´t want people around that don´t believe in you, and in your new vision.
Because in the beginning your dreams are very fragile and you are not sure that you will be able to pull it off.
Make sure that you have people around you that believe in you.....even when you don´t believe in yourself.
Make sure that you choose the right people for your "Inner Circle".
Once you are feeling a little stronger you can allow certain people back into your life.
I know this can be hard when it comes to family members. You might not be able to cut them out of your life completely, but you can at least limit your time with them.
Sometimes you just have to love certain people from a distance.
Learn To Self-Sooth
We must learn to self-sooth because anything you reach for out there won´t help you fix your problem and emptiness on the inside.
Learn to be still. You must learn to sit still through your painful feelings without turning to some form of addiction to numb out.
You can´t avoid the pain. It will eventually catch up with you. There will not be enough alcohol, drugs, food, sugar, gambling, shopping, sex, relationships, internet, TV or staying busy all the time, to distract you from your inner pain and to fill the emptiness that you feel on the inside.
Addiction will only wreck havoc in your life. You can´t keep on running. You can´t keep on putting off the pain for temporary feelings of pleasure. Those feelings won´t last You can never avoid feeling those uncomfortable feeling so you must learn to deal with them in a better way.
In life we all have "good and bad" feelings. No one wants the bad, but that isn´t reality. Life comes with a variety of good and bad things and feelings...... for all of us.
My favorite drug of choice is chocolate. If I want to numb out, I go for the sugar. When I feel bad I dive into the M&M´s.
When I was in the relationship with my narcissistic ex, I used to go shopping a lot as an escape. I had to get away from him and out of the house. I used to spend hours roaming the stores buying things that would make me feel better for the moment but as soon as I returned home and walked in the house the pleasurable feeling was no where to be found.
I did have a lot of pretty clothes, purses and shoes in my closet. But it didn´t do me any good because I never got to wear them.
A new purse and some chocolate was my best weapon for feeling insignificant, ignored and unworthy of love.
Learn to breath through the bad times and the feelings. The bad feelings just need to pass through your body. Stay still and don´t act on the bad feelings with some type of addictive behavior.
Learn to mediate, go for a walk, call a friend, watch a funny movie on TV.
What pain am I avoiding?
It is painful to tell the truth.
It is painful to show people who you really are.
Underneath all the pain is usually a fear of not being good enough and if we are not good enough, we won´t be loved.
It is easy to float the truth.
I will think about that tomorrow instead, or next week or month.
It´s addictive and it is an escape from the real problem
We like to put off the pain
Sit in your pain, feel the uncomfortable feelings. Don´t fight it. Learn from it.
Take action instead of numbing out.
You can´t fix what you don´t acknowledge. If you don´t tell the truth you will fix a lie.
You were not born to play small. You were born to sail. To expand. To grow. To live a bigger brighter version of yourself
Thank you for tuning in. Thank you for keeping your heart open to what I have shared.
Thank you for spreading the word and sharing with friends and family.
We always have the power to change the direction of our lives, at any time.
See you tomorrow for part four,
Karin Glannstam - Personal Success Coach