Welcome to part 2 of this 5 part series
How to quickly get back on track after life knocks you down
Change is very difficult. Most people avoid anything that has to do with change. We want things to remain the same. Only then will we feel comfortable. But that isn´t how life operates.
The only constant thing in life is change and we must learn to get comfortable with it.
Learn to get our of your comfort zone and to embrace change.
Sometimes change happens in the form of a loss.
Loss of a relationship, marriage, job, death of a loved one, financial loss or loss of your health.
Pain is part of life but most often we don´t like to feel pain and most of us try to avoid this feeling as much as possible. But we cannot avoid pain. It is part of life. We can´t just have the good in life. We also have to deal with things that are not as pleasant.
The good thing is that no one is exempt from pain. It happen to all of us.
Since it has now been 4 years since my own "Devine Storm", I have decided to share some of my most useful tips, ideas and strategies that helped we to quickly bounce back in life.
You must grieve your loss.
Grieving is a process that we all must go through. Knowing how long it will take is very different from person to person. From what I have learned, it will take anywhere from1-3 years. And yes.... it is a process and we all have to go through it. You can not bypass it. If you are avoiding the process it will catch up with you later in life. So you might as well start going through the process right away after your loss.
There is no proper way to grieve. Whatever works for you. Just make sure that you do grieve. Never feel like you are weak because you are crying or grieving.
I am a crier so I do cry a lot and I do allow my feelings to surface. I can cry anywhere. At home, in the grocery store, at friends houses and at anytime. Tears are cleansing. Allow them to flow. Talking to friends is a great way of dealing with grief. If you don´t feel comfortable talking to friends or family members there are support groups available. You can also find support groups online. There are also plenty of books and articles on this topic.
I don´t recommend taking any pills or other methods of trying to avoid the pain. It will only slow down the process. You are just putting off the pain to sometime in the future. Believe me you will never be able to avoid it. It is a process and there is no way around it.
Looking back on my own experience, I did feel pretty overwhelmed at the time in 2012 when I had 3 losses to deal with at the same time. A lot of times I didn´t know what tears belonged to what loss. It was difficult to deal with. But as I think back on it, I am in a way grateful now since it is behind me that I got to deal with it all the losses at the same time instead of the losses happening one by one. Then I might have had grieved for many more years.. This way I got over it a lot quicker. But it was massive and overwhelming at the time.
Luckily I have a lot of great friend that helped me through and my 2 dogs were really great listeners.
I guess they really did not have a choice but to listen.
Spending time in nature is also very healing.
"Grief...never ends....But it changes. It´s a passage, not a place to stay.
Grief is not a sign of weakness, nor a lack of faith.... it is the price of love"
When we don´t feel really good we have a tendency to neglect our health and wellbeing .
It is important to NOT neglect yourself.
Staying in bed all day is not a great way to deal with a loss. I know it is tempting, but feeling depressed is never a good option. Try to resist the urge of sleeping and staying in bed too much. Of course we all must sleep 7-9 hours per nigh.
You can´t be moving and depressed at the same time. Choose to take some kind of action every day to move your body.
Do what you can. If it is only walking around the block, than do it.
Start there, but try to be consistent. When all my losses occurred in 2012 I made a commitment to myself not to stay in bed during the day. And I kept that promise. I have always been an active person and my dogs needed to walk every day. So for me it was easy to stay active during the grieving process. Besides that I got to spend every day out in nature. I do recommend it
Take Action every day. Even if it is a small action step. In the end of the day you will feel so much better.
Dogs are great companions and they help you with staying active. But if you don´t have a dog, ask a friend to walk with you, hold you accountable and make sure that you get outside. I know that sometimes moving around is the last thing you want to do and you might not feel like you have the strength. But we do..... and trust me on this one....in the end you will feel so much better.
So get moving...even if it is just a short walk.
Make sure that you never isolate yourself from the world.
Try to eat right. Choose a healthy diet. I know most of us want to numb out on junk food, sugar and alcohol when we don´t feel good. That is the worst thing you can do. In the end it will only making you feel more miserable and besides you body needs good nutritious food to be able to heel.
I have to admit I wasn´t that good at this one when I felt the worst but I was very aware of the importance of a well balanced diet and I did not allow my diet to get totally out of control. I did not want to gain weight because that would only make me feel more miserable. Pay attention to what you eat and try to be as healthy as possible.
I know that ice-cream sounds a lot better than carrot sticks.
Make sure that you get plenty of sleep, but not too much sleep. Sleeping helps the body and mind to recuperate and heal. This one was especially difficult for me because my "monkey mind" was going crazy. I was also suffering from PTSD and I had a lot of panic attacks and anxiety attacks. For many months I would only sleep 1-3 hours per night and that made me extremely tired. Sleeping pills are never a good option either. Try to stay away from drugs as much as possible.
It has taken me many years to get my sleeping habits back on track. I still don´t sleep as good as I would like to but most nights I can sleep 7 hours. But I wake up a lot more during the night than I used to do.
If you are moving during the day and exercising it will help you with your sleep. Eating a balanced diet is a great way of increasing your chances of a great night´s sleep.
Acceptance & Taking Responsibility
Accepting what has happened can a lot of times be very difficult. We like to hang on to things and then we ask ourselves WHY?
Why did this have to happen? and that is the worst question that you can ask yourself.
Instead ask NOW WHAT?
You must learn to accept the situation or you will not be able to move on. A lot of people hang on to what could have been, should be or this should not have happened. The longer you hang on to the past and the way you thought things were going to be, the more you will suffer.
Learn to accept the new situation. It doesn´t mean that you have to like it You can hate it but at least accept it.
When you accept it .... you can decide on how to make your next move.
This was difficult for me. It took me several months to accept that my life wasn´t going to be the way I had planned. I also had big difficulties in accepting that I was back living in Sweden. I really didn´t want to be there. I only wanted to be back in The US. But the minute I let go and started to accept things the way they were, small things started to change around me. And in 2013 I did return to Texas.
Accept the way things are and then you can start to make new plans for the future. If you don´t accept your present reality you will not be able to move on. You will find yourself stuck.
Believe me things won´t stay the same very long.
Remember..."this too shall pass"
You must take responsibility for your own actions and for what part you played in the loss or the crisis.
If it is a loss of a relationship or marriage, what part did you play in the breakdown of the relationship?
Same thing with and illness. If you suffer from diabetes, maybe this disease could have been prevented a little earlier, before it turned into a full blown health crisis?
Maybe a financial crisis or loss could have been avoided by changing your daily habits?
A lot of times things start with a little neglect. We neglect our spouse, children, health, finances.
Soon a little neglect turns into a disease and after a little while it turns into a full blown crisis.
Stop blaming others for your crisis or loss.
It takes two to tango...right????? Things don´t just happen to us. Usually we have something to do with it.
Take full responsibility for your part and stop blaming other people.
If you continue to blame others it means that they have to change first before your situation can change. This will leave you feeling powerless. Instead take responsibility, take your power back and you can start to change immediately.
This one was fairly easy for me. Even though my ex was a narcissist I stayed in the relationship and did choose to ignore the red flags. I accepted my responsibility and I never got involved in the blame game. Learn from the lesson and move on. Blaming something or someone will only make you feeling stuck.
Don´t wait for something "out there" to change before you can make an "internal" change. It is never "out there" Change is always coming from the inside and you can change anytime you want to.
You have the power within yourself. Take responsibility for your own actions.
You were not born to play small. You were born to sail. To expand. To grow. To live a bigger and brighter version of yourself.
Thank you for tuning in. Thank you for keeping your heart open to what I have shared.
Thank you for spreading the word and sharing with friends and family.
We always have the power to change the direction of our lives, at any time.
See you tomorrow for part three,
Karin Glannstam - Personal Success Coach