Wednesday, May 30, 2018

Build A Quiet Space In Your Mind

                                          When life gets busy and hard to deal with,
                                                          go off by yourself.
                                      Find your own quiet space within yourself
                                            where you can relax and decompress.

In today's world we are constantly being bombarded with stimuli from everywhere.
We carry our phones with us wherever we go and we seldom allow ourselves to decompress and relax. Often when we get home at night we are so wound up that it is hard for many of us to let go and relax. This is not a good way to live and it will cause us a lot of stress and that will eventually affect our wellbeing, both physically and mentally.

We are always on the go. If  it's not physically, it is mentally, and that is why I suggest that we build a quiet room in our mind. A place where we can go several times during the day to just relax, decompress and escape. This room will be like your own decompression chamber.

We all need a place within ourselves where we can go to simply get away for a few minutes and not be disturbed.

How do we build this quiet room within ourselves?

Sit down and think of a place that you like. It can be indoors or outdoors. Create it in your imagination.
It might be by the ocean or in the woods. Maybe a beautiful meadow or by a quiet lake. It doesn't matter as long as it relaxes you. This place needs be quiet, beautiful and peaceful.

You can create a indoor room and paint it with whatever color you like. Don't have a lot of furniture in it and don't hang a lot of pictures on the walls. Keep it as simple as possible.

Create a retreat for yourself and then make a habit of returning to this retreat for a few minutes while you try to relax and decompress.
Don't bring your worries and your stress to the retreat. Simply learn to relax and  then imagine this retreat or quiet room in your mind.

Visit this place as often as you need.
Make it a tool that you use several times during the day when you feel that life is getting too busy and out of control.
Take some deep breaths and travel to this quiet place for a few minutes.
Make sure that you don't let anything bother you while you are relaxing at your retreat.
Nothing can touch you while you are in your quiet place.

Doing this will allow you to return to your workday world better prepared to cope with it.

You might also want to spend a few minutes in your quiet room or your retreat before you leave your office and go home for the day to prevent you from bringing unnecessary stress home with you.


Monday, May 28, 2018

Is Secondhand Negativity And Stress Contagious?

                                                You can pick up negativity
                                          just like secondhand smoke."
                                                    - Shawn Achor

By now we all know that secondhand smoke is dangerous to our health.

But how about stress? Is stress contagious? Is there such thing as secondhand stress?

The answer to this question is YES.
We can pick up negativity, stress and uncertainty like secondhand smoke.

How about the person at work that gets agitated because he/she is not being able to do everything on their to-do list. How about the person that gets frantic if he/she is missing a phone call or a text and can't answer it right away. Or the person that is going through a nasty divorce or is having some financial difficulties and they desperately need you to listen to every tiny detail.
Secondhand stress is also more contagious from a romantic partner than a stranger.

How do you feel after spending time with these people? A little on the agitated yourself?

According to research, the negative effects of stress, like increased levels of the hormone cortisol can actually be triggered merely but observing a person who is wound up.
If someone in your visual field is anxious and highly expressive, either verbally or non-verbally, there is a big chance that you will experience these emotions as well and unfortunately it will negatively impact your brain's performance.

They have found out through experiments with mice that if a mouse is getting a light electrical chock the other mouse will react with alarm.

Like if you watch a co-worker getting chewed out by the boss, you will get knots in your stomach.  You are not getting chewed out yourself but you know exactly how it feels.

We know that prolonged stress is bad for our health. It weakens the immune system and it will also increase the risk for heart disease, high blood pressure and sometimes even death.

I am a highly empathic person and sometimes this is causing me a lot of pain and loss of energy.
If you are a empathic person it's easy to want to get away from highly stressed people and situations to avoid being totally drained by the stress and negativity. On the other hand we don't want to completely lose our compassion for others, but at the same time we don't want our compassion to cause us pain.

The key is to recognize what is our own stress and what is someone else's stress.
When we are calmer and more relaxed we are better able to recognize secondhand stress and we are also better able to separate other people's stress from our state of being.

When you can recognize other people's stress and realizing what is yours and what isn't, then you are in a better position to help others.

A Few Tips!

One of the best tools against picking up other people's stress is a stable and strong self-esteem. The higher your self-esteem, the more likely you will feel that you can deal with whatever situation you face.

Exercising is a great way to build your self-esteem. When you exercise your body releases endorphins.
Endorphins are morphine-like chemicals produces by the body that help diminish pain while triggering positive feelings.

How are we going to protect ourselves in the future from other people's stress and negativity?
In order to be able to protect ourselves from other peoples stress is to improve our own emotional immune system.
Our own mindset affects not only ourselves but also other people.

                                "Adapting the right attitude can convert a
                                     negative stress into a positive one."
                                                    - Hans Selye


Wednesday, May 23, 2018

Who You Spend Time With Will Influence Your Future

                            Surround yourself with people that reflect who you want to be
                                     and how you want to feel, energies are contagious.

Do you find it difficult to find good, positive and supporting people in your life?

Who you associate with does make a huge difference in your life. The people around you will inspire or discourage. Choose wisely.

                    You will become like the 5 people you surround yourself with the most.

Is your environment and social network slowing you down or even preventing your growth?

If you believe this to be so, I suggest that you make a list of the 5-10 people that you spend the most time with and then make a list of your own values and your top goals. Then take some time and compare the lists. Be completely honest when you compare the lists and then ask yourself.....are the people that you are spending most of your time with congruent with your vision and your goals. If the answer is NO, you might be held back by this association.

Maybe it's time for a change?
Time to find some more positive and growth minded people that are going somewhere. People that have a vision for their life and pursuing it by taking action and not just talking about it.
Maybe it's time to find some people that have the same goals as you do and making progress towards these goals.

Maybe the environment isn't the right fit for you either?
Here is an example of what I am talking about.
The Kol fish grows in proportion to its environment. If you keep it in a pail of water, it grows only 2 inches. But if you let the Kol fish loose in the wild it can grow up to 2 feet.
Are you the Kol fish that has been kept in a pail?

If what you are doing right now is not working, guess what you must do? CHANGE.
You can change any time you want to. You can change the direction of your life, starting right NOW.

Never settle for less than what you are capable of doing. Don't be like the Kol fish in the pail.

Get out of your comfort zone. Take action and know that anything is possible. Consider brand new ideas and a new way of thinking.

Design your own life and don't let anyone prevent you from living your dream.


Monday, May 21, 2018

Power Thinking - Reframe Your Thoughts

                                                   "The happiness of your life 
                                       depends on the quality of your thoughts."
                                                          - Marcus Aurelius

You have the ability to control your mind. You can control the thoughts that you are thinking.
It means that you can change a disempowering thought into a empowering thought if you want to.
How do you do this? Simply by refusing to accept the negative thought. Cancel it and replace it immediately with a more positive one.

If you missed my blog from last it is again.

No Thought Lives In Your Head Rent-Free

You have the ability to control your thoughts  You have the ability to cancel any thought that isn't supporting you and what you are trying to do in your life.
You can also install self-empowering thoughts at any time, simply by choosing to focus on them.

Everything that happens is neutral. That means that nothing has meaning except the meaning we give it.
So you can give the same incident a negative meaning or a positive meaning. The incident is neutral, but you will add the meaning to it by adding your own story.

Let me give you an example of what I am talking about.
This example comes from a fantastic book.....Psycho-Cybernetics written by Maxwell Maltz. 
(If you haven't read this book I strongly suggest that you do. Absolutely amazing book.)

Even in regard to tragic conditions, and the most adverse environment, we can usually manage to be happier, if not completely happy, by not adding to the misfortune of our own feelings of self-pity, resentment, and our own opinions.
"How can I be happy?" the wife of an alcoholic husband asked me.
"I don't know," I said, "but you can be happier by resolving not to add resentment and self-pity to your misfortune."
"How can I possibly be happy?" asked a businessman, "I have just lost $200,000 on the stock market. I am ruined and disgraced."
"You can be happier," I said, "by not adding your own opinion to the facts. It is a fact that you lost $200,000. It is your opinion that you are ruined and disgraced.
I then suggested that he memorizes a saying of Epictetus, which has always been a favorite of mine: "Men are disturbed not by the things that happened, but by their opinion of the things that happened." 

Back in early 2012 when my whole life imploded, I could very easily have fallen into self-pity, anger and resentment and adapted a very disempowering story of what just had taken place in my life. Of course I can't deny that I had a lot of days of doom and gloom and plenty of "stinking thinking".
But out of that crisis also came a new beginning....I became a life coach and started my own coaching company. Since then I have also written two books and the third one is going to be published this summer.
I decided to turn a huge crisis and what I thought was a setback into something more empowering.
A comeback for a new and very different life. I did this by reframing what had just happened in my life. If it had not happened I don't know what I would be doing today. But I am grateful it happened because I discovered that I had lived a life that wasn't mine for a very long time and that it was time for a big change. 
I am where I am today because I decided to add a story that supported me to what happened in 2012 instead of letting the incident break me.

"When you reframe who did you wrong as one who lead you to define what is right,
 wisdom replace pain."
- Stace Morris

Everything that happens in life is neutral. Nothing has meaning, except the meaning we give it.
And since we are going to make up a story anyway, we might as well make up a story that supports us and empowers us instead of a story that disempowers us and weakens us. 

Same incident but what story or opinion are you going to use?
One that empowers you and supports you or the one that die-empowers you and makes you weaker?

In the end you decide what story or opinion to use when it comes to anything that happens in your life.


Wednesday, May 16, 2018

What Is Your Biggest Challenge Right Now?

                                                 "When you face difficult times,
                                   know that challenges are not sent to destroy you.
                              They're sent to promote, increase and strengthen you."

We all will face challenges as we travel along on our journey.

Life is filled with opportunities in our lives from which we either rise, learn, grow and evolve or we might just complain, shut down, and sometimes even withdraw from life.

Times when we feel stuck. Times when we feel that we are off track and we are not making any progress we might need to look down deep inside of ourselves and ask......

What is my biggest challenge? What is the biggest obstacle for my success? What is it that I can't see right now?

What is your biggest challenge right now?

Is it staying the course when you have decided to make a change in your life?
Sticking to new truths.....truths that are different from what you always believed, can be a huge challenge.
Facing the truth about ourselves and also about others can be very difficult. Maybe loved ones and friends will even set up obstacles in a effort to discourage your new way of thinking and being.

Is it old behaviors and bad habits?
Developing new and more empowering habits can a lot of times be a huge challenge. It's so easy to fall back into the old ways of thinking and living. New habits require a lot of effort and might take some time to develop. But your new habits will carry you forward towards your success.

Is it approval of other people or family members that you are waiting for before you step into your authentic self, and the life that you were meant to live?
If you are waiting on others to approve of you and your new goals you might have to wait forever. Ignore others and be honest with yourself when you ask.....why do I need others to approve of me? The truth don't. Only you can decide what is right for you. Keep on going and soon you will find new people that will be supportive of you and your dream. In the meantime you must become your own best cheer-leader.

Is it speaking up?
You know that you have been quiet way to long and it's time to share your voice with the world.
Go for it. Trust yourself and in your decision to no longer remain quiet. Have the courage to speak up for what you believe in.

I am sure that you want to move forward with your life.
If you are feeling that your life is at a standstill right now....take some time to do a little soul-searching and figure out what is keeping you stuck.

What is your biggest challenge right now?

Time to figure out your inner worth and access your true sense of empowerment. You are enough!
Now go out there in the world and do your thing. The world needs what you got, so don't hold back
I believe in YOU!!!

Face your biggest challenge,starting today.
In a short time from will be glad you did.


Monday, May 14, 2018

5 Rules For Feeling Good And For Lasting Happiness

                                                    "Feelings are just visitors,
                                                let them coma and go."
                                                         - Mooji

Do you want to feel more happy on a daily base?

I am sure that the answer is YES.

Here are a few pieces of wisdom that will sustain your happiness throughout your whole life.

1. You Are Powerful
Do what you want to do with your life. Never be afraid of other people's reactions and opinions. You are more powerful than you know. Use that power and create the life that you desire and deserve. are capable of doing anything and you will be supported on your journey.

2. Trust your gut
Ever heard someone say "I felt it in my gut?" Yes, they were right. Your gut will always tell you the truth but a lot of time we will override what our gut is telling us with our mind and say that it can't be the truth, what I am feeling in my gut.
Thoughts can take us on a roller-coaster ride and sometimes spin out of control, while the deep gut-impulses we get from instinct are usually more honest and true.

3. Always Be Honest

Always tell the truth, even if it hurts. If you start lying, after a while it might be difficult to keep up with your webs of deception. It will take an enormous amount of energy to keep the webs from tangling. In then end, the truth will most likely come out. Reserve your mental energy and use it for something better than weaving a web of deception.

4. Let Go Of Toxic People
As we get a littler older most of us will become wiser, calmer and more emotionally healthy. But unfortunately not all will display psychological health or any interest in changing themselves. Don't try to get love and affection from people that are not willing to give it to you. You are wasting your time with these people because chances are that they will never do anything to change. Give your love, affection and time to people that will love you back.

5. Let Things Go
It only takes 90 seconds for an emotion to pass through our body. Next time you are having a negative emotion.....just sit with it for 90 seconds. Don't attach any meaning to the emotion. Just let it flow through your body. Stop thinking for 90 seconds and the bad emotion will simply flow through your body and disappear. Just feel the emotion and then let it disappear.
Doing this will decrease the stress in your life. Guaranteed.


Tuesday, May 8, 2018

No Thought Lives In Your Head Rent Free

                                                  "You have to control your mind
                                                    or to let your mind control you.
                                                                - Paulo Coelho

You are not your mind.
Your mind is part of you, just like your foot or your hand.

One problem with our mind is that it is very often a big drama queen or a soap opera script writer.
Our mind makes up a lot of incredible stories filled with drama, disasters, doom and gloom of things that never happened and probably never will happen either.
So remember you are not your mind and you are not your thoughts.

You must learn to control your mind.
Manage it and train it to work for you, instead of against you.
Never negotiate with your mind, because you will not win.

Training and controlling your own mind is the most important skill that you can ever learn in terms of success and happiness.

How do we train our minds?

First you must start my paying attention to your own thoughts.
I suggest that you write some of them down on a piece of paper and then sit down and evaluate these thoughts.
Ask this really true?
Your mind will constantly produce thoughts, around 500 00 per day so you can't write them all down. But you will see a pattern after a while because some thoughts will return every day and several times every day.

Unfortunately most of our thoughts are not supportive of our wealth and happiness.
As you identify these thoughts you can begin to replace disempowering thoughts with empowering ones.

Is it time for you to adapt a new way of thinking?
Decide that today your mind will be better if you start using more empowering thoughts.
Decide that you will no longer allow your thoughts to run you. Stop negotiating with your mind. Instead show your mind that you are the boss.

No thoughts lives in your head rent free.
You will pay for negative and disempowering thoughts in energy, happiness, health, wealth and time.

If you want to move ahead in your life and grow as an individual you must start monitoring your thoughts and decide to turn disempowering thoughts into empowering ones.
You must have thoughts that will assist you in creating happiness, health and wealth.

When a disempowering thought appears, you can just say cancel or next or thanks for your help but I don't need you anymore, and then replace it with a more empowering one.

Start practicing this way of thinking and your life will quickly change for the better.

                                     "I will not let anyone walk through my mind
                                                       with their dirty shoes."
                                                                 - Gandhi


Monday, May 7, 2018

You Don't Have To Get Rid Of Fear In Order To Be Successful

                                     True confidence doesn't come from not having fear.
                                     It comes from trusting yourself to act in spite of fear.

If action is so important to be able to manifest what we desire in life, then what is it that prevents us from taking actions we know that we need to take?

FEAR.....DOUBT......WORRY..... are among the greatest obstacles to success but also to happiness as well.

One of the biggest differences between successful people and unsuccessful people is that successful people are willing to act in spite of fear. Unsuccessful people let fear stop them.

I believe that one of the biggest mistakes that most people make is that they wait for the feeling of fear to disappear before they are willing to take action.
This feeling will most likely not disappear and therefore these people will most of the time wait forever.

Successful people have fear, doubt and worry, but they don't allow these feelings to stop them.
Unsuccessful people on the other hand, they will allow the feelings of fear, doubt and worry stop them immediately.

Feel the fear and do it anyway.

You don't have to get rid of fear in order to be successful.
You just have to tame it.

Since we are creatures of habit we must learn to act in spite of fear. In spite of worry and doubt.
We must act in spite of inconvenience and discomfort and also we must learn to act in spite of uncertainty.
One more.....we must also learn to act when we are not in the mood to act.

If you are only willing to do what is easy, life will be hard. If you are willing to do what is hard, life will be easy.

Successful people don't base their actions on what is easy and convenient. That way of living is reserved for the unsuccessful people.

To get to a higher level in life, you must break through your comfort zone. Unfortunately most people are not willing to be uncomfortable. Being comfortable might make you feel warm and fuzzy at the moment but it won't allow you to grow.
To grow you must expand your comfort zone.

Fear is a liar and fear can become a prison.

Be Courageous
Take Action
Make It Happen!


Wednesday, May 2, 2018

Fight For What You Want

                                                                  Never settle.
                                           Fight for the life, the career, the dreams,
                                                          the love that you deserve.
                                                                 - Mandy Hale

Have you ever gone shopping and ended up buying something that you liked OK, but it wasn't exactly what you wanted?

I have done this thing many times when it came to buying a purse, shoes, jeans, shirt or a dress.

I am sure that you have done it too.

Why do we continue to do this?
It doesn't make sense to buy something that we really don't want.

We settle.
When we believe we cannot have what we desire. When we lack faith in ourselves and in the possibilities of life.....we settle for less.

We decide that whatever is in front of us is better than nothing.

Unfortunately a lot of people settle for less when it comes to relationships.
They tolerate and accept bad behavior, lies and other things because they are doing what feels familiar and comfortable.
"Better the devil you know than the devil you don't."

Other people are settling for a job that makes them feel dead on the inside.
Every Monday morning they feel like they are going to have a heart attack just thinking about having to spend another week at a dead-end job.

Do you feel that you are undeserving of happiness and wonderful things in life?
Do you feel that you have to settle or have you allowed others to convince you that it's the right thing to do?

You can have what you really want.

Never settle for something less than you desire just because it's the easiest thing to do or because someone told you what to do.

Are you making excuses about why you should stay put, rather than going for what you really want?
If you are probably settling.