Wednesday, September 20, 2017

How Big is Your Comfort Zone?

                                               "Move out of your comfort zone.
                             You can only grow if you are willing to feel awkward
                                  and uncomfortable when you try something NEW."
                                                              - Brian Tracy

About a month ago I had a conversation with a client about her job situation.
She lives in a small town and she has had the same job for over ten years. I could sense during our conversation that she was fed up with her job situation and that she longed for some changes.

I asked her if she had tried to look for another job, and she stated that she hadn't. My next question was..... "How about finding a job and try it out for a while?" and  maybe keeping the old job and try on a new position somewhere..... maybe once a week or a few hours per day?" She sighed and stated that "Well, I know what I got but I don't know what I will get if I try." My next question was....."are you afraid to look for a new job?" and she said "YES."

"How about if you will get something better..... if you start looking?" was my next question. She said that she hadn't thought about it in that way.

People have a tendency to always think that if they have to change something it is going to get worse than what they have.
This is one big reason that we remain where we are. We know what we have and we often don't believe that we will get something better, if we change or try something new.

This is why a lot of people will remain in dysfunctional relationships that they have outgrown years ago. Or they stay at job that bores them to death and won't allow them to grow or learn something new. Also people don't dare to move to another city because they are afraid of leaving the safety of friends and family behind.
Eventually they will get stuck in their comfort zone.

If we continue like this our comfort zone will shrink and shrink until we will feel like we are wearing chains or maybe feeling like a caged bird. I believe that a lot of people actually would like to change and to do something more challenging, if they could see what the future will hold for them. But that is not possible. We have to take a leap of faith and not allow fear of the unknown to stop us.

                            You are only confined by the walls you build yourself

We settle where we are and later in life we will have to deal with regrets for not trying. Often people will become angry and bitter for letting life just slip on by without doing anything about it.

Don't let this be you!!!

Dare to venture out of your comfort zone. Start by doing something that scares you and that you haven't done before.

One small little step today and then the next day and the next day..... will eventually lead to big changes, excitement and wonderful growth.

But you have to start!!!

Monday, September 18, 2017

The Endless Search For Validation

                            "Stop looking outside for scraps of pleasure or fulfillment,
                                                   for validation, security or love -
                              you have a treasure within that is infinitely greater
                                               than anything the world can offer."
                                                            - Eckhart Tolle

Most of us in some way have been wounded from the wrong doing of others.
Many wounds and deep scares came from our childhood but also later in life from the people closest to us.

Many of us have been raised by mothers and fathers that were loving and kind. Parents that guided us and did their best to make sure that we had everything that we needed. But no one is perfect and our parents made mistakes and at times they let us down and they didn't give us what we needed most.

Our parents meant well but maybe they were not affectionate. They didn't tell us that they loved us and that they were proud of us. They made sure that we stayed on the right path and they corrected us but they were never affectionate towards us and they were not attuned to what we needed most.

Most of the time when you run into this..... it is a huge possibility that their parents were not affectionate towards them either. They never heard "I love you" from their parents. Or "I am proud of you". It was never modeled in front of them.
You cannot give away what you don't have. If you were never showed love and affection during your childhood it will sometimes be hard to give love and affection as an adult.

To be seen, heard and validated is a human need. A young child cannot survive and can't develop an identity without it. As and adult we still need to be seen, heard and validated. If we don't .....this will sometimes lead to feelings of worry, anxiety and we might also feel insignificant and useless.

Unfortunately I see a lot of people around me today that were not validated as children trying to get validation through their work. They are constantly seeking validation at work by working all the time. And if they are not receiving the validation they so badly want..... they will drive themselves to accomplish more in the hope of getting the validation they so badly crave for.
Continuing down this path might eventually lead to burnout or depression or both.

John is a good friend of mine that I have known for a long time but John have a problem with never feeling loved. His father abandoned him when he was very young. John got validation and felt seen when he pushed himself beyond his limitations at work. There were never any down time in his schedule and he seldom allowed himself to take any time off from work. His marriage suffered and his relationships with his children is strained.
What kind of message to you think John sent to his children when he chose work before spending time with them?
The same message that his father sent to him. That they were not important and wanted. He wasn't available to his children because he was always at work. He didn't mean to hurt his children he just did what his father had done to him. He was trying to fill his emptiness on this inside by getting validation from work. History repeats itself.

John carried inside of himself as many others also do a strong desire to get validation from the outside world. It was only when he got this validation that he felt good enough and only then could he feel comfortable and happy with himself.
As all children that haven't been seen and heard by their parents, John was carrying and enormous longing to be validated by his own father.

What is beneath all of this?
A feeling of not being wanted. A feeling of not being good enough. If my parents didn't love or want me..... I am going to make sure that I am needed.
So by working all the time and always being available makes a lot of people feel needed and also validated.
But as any addiction..... and yes there are people that are will take more work and then more work and even more work to satisfy the hunger and the emptiness they feel on the inside. Yes....they finally feel wanted by working all the time..... but at what price?
In the battle they are not taking loving care of themselves and they are often sacrificing time with their families and friends.

When we feel a lack of validation from work and from our boss it can bring us back to childhood when we didn't get validated by our parents. It's memories that we haven´t worked through. Memories when our mom or dad didn't make us feel safe and they didn't make us feel loved.
Which can make us have a strong need later in life for validation that we will try to get from our work, our spouse, our children and our friends.
When we don´t get this validation it can bring back those uncomfortable memories from our past that can sometimes control our behavior. Mostly in a bad way.

So What Can We Do?
If we have a better understanding of ourselves and our past, along with self-compassion and self-love we won't have such a need for validation from the outside and from others.
In other words.... We must learn to love and validate ourselves.
If you rely on something or someone for validation.....they also have the power to take it away from you.

If you learn to give love and validation to can never be taken away from you.


Wednesday, September 13, 2017

The Art of Happiness - Great Book

                                          "Happiness is not something ready made.
                                             It comes from your own actions."
                                                           - Dalai Lama

Are you happy?

What does happiness mean to you?

Would you like to be happier?

A couple of weeks ago I finished reading a book that I highly want to recommend.

The name if it is..... The Art of Happiness - A handbook in the art of living.
It's written by Howard C. Cutler together with the Dalai Lama.
( The title of the book in Swedish - Lycka )

In this book the author describes and talks about long conversations that he had with the Dalai Lama. And the topic of the conversations were how we can live a more happy and fulfilled life.

In this book they talk about things like sources of happiness. How to train your mental muscles to increase your happiness. Compassion for ourselves and others. How to confront suffering and how to find meaning in pain and suffering. Suffering that we create ourselves. How to create change. How to handle rage and hate and also how to handle worry and anxiety.

                                               "The purpose of our lives
                                                        is to be happy."
                                                        - Dalai Lama

What is the meaning of life? Is it to strive for more happiness?

It doesn't matter where we live in this world or what our beliefs are....we are automatically striving for something better in our lives.
When you have compassion and understanding for others you will soon see and understand that people like you and me are very much alike.
It doesn't really matter where you live in this world because the bottom line is that most of us want to be seen and heard and to be happy in life.
We want to know and feel that our lives matter.

Be brave and confront your own suffering and you will be better equipped to deal with problems, setbacks and crisis in your own life. Never try to deal with a problem by avoiding it. It won't magically disappear by itself. Instead learn to confront your problems head on.

If you want to live a healthy in life I suggest that you start TODAY by increasing  your own happiness muscle.

Make sure that you check out this fantastic book!


Monday, September 11, 2017

The Best Motivation is Self-Motivation

                                     "The greatest leaders of business, industry and finance,
                      and all the great artists, poets, musicians and writers all became great
                                  because they developed the power of self-motivation."
                                                              - Napoleon Hill

Time again to write yet another blog about motivation.
It seems like too many people have a problem to motivate themselves to do a particular task, and they often leave the responsibility up to someone else to motivate them, to pull them along or to push them forward.

A few months ago Susan came to me for some coaching. Her problem started about ten months earlier when one of her friends moved to another city. The two women had been exercising together almost daily for many years. Taking daily walks together and sometimes even going to the gym.
But ever since her friend moved away Susan had lost all interest in walking and going to the gym. She said to me during one of our conversations that it was almost impossible for her to motivate herself  to go walking on her own, and that now she spends her time at home doing nothing or watching TV instead of going walking.
She also told me that she had gained almost 25 pounds since her friend moved and she was very unhappy about that too.
Susan also told me that she was going to try to get another friend to join the gym so that the friend could get her to go to the gym with her. In other words she was going to use the other person as a way of motivating herself and forcing herself to go to the gym to exercise.

I told her that it is a great idea to have a accountability partner in life, that will make sure that you do what you said that you were going to do. I am all for having someone holding you accountable.
But there is a big problem with it too.
What about if this person doesn't show up or decides not to work out.....are you going to go to the gym by yourself? or are you then going to stay home and not go because your friend couldn't go?
I personally don't think this is a very good plan because you are dependening on someone else going. How about if this person gets sick and can't go for a couple of weeks? Or maybe they have to travel out of time on business? Or they move to another city? Then, what are you going to do?

Actually there is only one type of motivation.....self-motivation.
It's an inside job.

Self-motivation means the ability to make yourself do something at a particular time that it needs to be done, whether you feel like it or not.

In the end you have to motivate yourself and discipline yourself to do the things that you must do. Expecting others to help you, won't work most of the time.
You are responsible for you and turning over the responsibility to others isn't always the smartest thing.

I remember many years ago when I was living outside Austin. I belonged to a gym and I usually went there 5 times per week after work. I had my own clothing store at the time. The store closed at 5 pm and I usually went straight to the gym afterwards. But I had this annoying habit of skipping out on my Friday session at the gym. I felt tired and I didn't have any motivation to go. Finally I told myself that it was ridiculous to skip the last session of the week because I felt tired. The truth was that I simply couldn't motivate myself to do it. It was easier to just go home and take it easy.

So what did I do to fix the problem?
I hired a personal trainer, twice a week and I made sure that I scheduled one of those sessions on a Friday evening. I knew that if I had an appointment I would make it to the gym and I wouldn't cancel the session. After meeting with my trainer for several months on a Friday, it became a habit and eventually I could make myself go on Fridays without having a sessions scheduled with my trainer.

I know that it is hard to motivate yourself. But I also know if you leave it up to someone else to motivate are probably going to fail at whatever you are trying to do.

I do recommend hiring a coach, trainer or mentor. If you pay someone to assist and to guide you.....they will show up for you. They will help you until you have established the habit or the discipline, and can do it on your own.
When you hire someone for a while you must also learn to let them go and learn to do it own your own. Never allow the coach/mentor/trainer to become a crutch for you.
You can do it on your own.

Self-motivation is an inner muscle and power that you have to learn and increase by practice.
Learn to motivate yourself and never depend on others to do it for you.


Wednesday, September 6, 2017

Embrace The Struggle

                                    "Embrace the struggle and let it make you stronger.
                                                           It won't last forever."

Do you wish to advance in life?

If the answer to the question is yes.....then you must learn to find joy in the struggle to get there.

Most of us hate the discipline that it takes to reach our goals.
It doesn't matter what your goal is..... but to get there it will take a lot of work and it will take struggle to advance.

Most people complain that the road to success and abundance is too hard. It's too inconvenient and it is way too slow.

Most people want a straight and speedy line to success or they won't even start the journey.

A lot of people won't go back to school because it will take too long.

People don't exercise because they want the see the results next week.

Most people don't want to fight for their dreams.

But the truth is one can do the work for you. And I guarantee you that it will be hard work.

You can talk all you want about your dream..... but your actions will show if you are committed to your dream..... or not.

So get out of bed tomorrow and have a made up mind that you will succeed no matter what and embrace the struggle that it will take you to get to where you want to go.

In the end..... it will be worth it.


Monday, September 4, 2017

Storms Don't Last Forever

                                  Life's roughest storms prove the strength of our anchor

Happy Labor Day to everyone in The US!

A big shout out to all my fellow Texans!!!
As they say in Texas....."Everything is bigger in Texas." Even the storms are bigger in Texas!!!
Harvey was a big one..... that we won't forget for a very long time.
My thoughts and prayers goes out to all my fellow Texans and everyone affected by this devastating storm.

As many of you know I wasn't born in Texas.....but I got there as fast as I could (only people in Texas will get that one). I have lived in Texas for 27 years and 18 of those I have live in the Houston area. For the past 2 years I have been in Sweden so I wasn't personally affected by the storm, but I know so many people and have many close friends in the Houston area that have been affected by Harvey.

I have been watching and following Harvey closely online and also through daily conversations with my closest friends. I am so sadden by all the devastation and loss of lives. Both 2-legged and 4-legged.
I also know that it will take many..... many..... many years to rebuild people's lives, Houston and other areas of Texas.
But what I have learned from living so many years in Texas is that Texans are strong and they will come out of this storm even stronger.

Storms are part of life and living. Storms in life can be a hurricane like Harvey. It can be fire, earthquakes or tornados. Those are storms provided by nature.
But storms in our lives can also be a loss of a loved one, through death or divorce. A business not making it. A loss of a job, financial loss, having to flee a war in a country and move to a new country. So many different losses and storms.

Storms come and they go and we all have to go through them. Some will be more devastation than others. In some of them we will lose loved ones. In others we might lose all our money or belongings.
Life happens to all of us. We all must go through storms, setbacks and loss.

Even though it has been hard to watch all the devastation in Texas..... it has also been wonderful to see how people pulled together and helped each other out. It didn't matter what color, religion or political views people had....they helped each other.
My question is....why does it have to be a storm that will bring people together and help each other out. Why can't we do that during "normal" times?

I try to focus on what is positive and what is working and I have seen so much love, compassion, caring and people helping each other during this past week and it makes me proud to be a Texan. Even though I am not there physically..... I am there spiritually.... and soon I will be back physically too.

Stay Strong Texas!
Karin Glannstam - Personal Success Coach

Wednesday, August 30, 2017

Are You Trying To Stay Safe From Pain?

                                    "Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls"

Are you trying to stay safe from pain?

If you are..... I have bad news for you. No one will escape pain. It doesn't matter who you are and where you live in this world. Pain is all around us and trying to avoid it will only lead to more pain.

Pain often feels like a hole in our soul. And then we try to fill this hole with all kinds of unhealthy habits or substances in order to suppress our feelings and avoid being ourselves for awhile. We are pushing the pain down to be dealt with later. But when later comes around we just continue to fill the hole yet again. Unfortunately we will continue to fill the hole with things that won't fill us up. We stay hungry for more and more and more. It's like a bottomless pit.

Instead of trying to avoid the pain by numbing out through some kind of addiction or addictive behavior.....stop for a moment and take a good look at the pain. It is there to tell you something. There is always a message in every problem or crisis and if you are willing to stop and learn from the lesson you might be surprised what you can learn.
Our Pain Has A Purpose.
If you missed Monday's blog you can click on the link below and read it.

Sometimes you will hear people talking about that their biggest pain and suffering was the greatest thing that ever happened to them. It woke them up. They stopped or slowed down for a moment and then they started to pay attention to what was going on in their body and their mind. They went inside and started to look at what was causing all the pain that they were experiencing.
It doesn't matter if it's actual physical pain or emotional pain. Pain is pain.

Then these people started to look back at their lives and examined where they might need to make some changes. It might have been in their relationships. Maybe they were spending 40 hours a week, at a job that they absolutely hated. Maybe they were workaholics and trying to feel important by working too much. Only feeling good when people needed them. Maybe some people couldn't say no to their parents and that caused a lot of problems in their marriage. Maybe they just stayed "busy" doing nothing and never accomplished anything. Some people just needed to learn to be able to say "NO" and take care of themselves. I think you get my point.

Anyway they turned their worst pain and suffering into the greatest thing ever in their life. They did this by going inside and doing the internal work that is often required to understand the pain and suffering in our lives.
Like Oprah says....."Turn Your Wounds Into Wisdom"

I just want to tell you a little about my own life. Back in 2012 my whole life fell apart. First my mom died in the end of Dec 2011. Three months later I walked away from an abusive relationship and 3 days later I left the US where I had lived for the past 25 years and returned to Sweden where I was born and raised. Three huge losses at the same time. A lot to handle at the time.

Looking back on it now..... over 5 years later....I realized that it was time for me to wake up. I had been sleep waking through my life. Slowly losing myself . Finally the pain became too hard to handle and I had to stop and take a good look at myself, my life and my own behavior. No easy task. But all change and transformation has to start from within.

Has it been easy?.....No.
A lot of study and a lot of hard work.
Am I sorry I started it?..... No way.
My pain could not have been avoided any longer. It had to deal with it.

But today I can also say that is was the best thing that ever happened to me. It was a wake-up call from my own soul, letting me know that I had taken a huge detour in my life and that it was time to find myself again and to make some changes.

Without this experience I would probably not have become a life coach and started my own coaching business. I would not have written my first book.....Bounce Don't Break.....because it tells the story about pain that I experienced and how I transformed it. Without the experience I could not have written the book.
Doing the inner work has helped me understand myself better. My parents, my brother and other people around me. It has taught me how to forgive and let go of the past. By doing all this work (and I guess I will do it until I take my last breath because it is so much to learn) I can now better understand the people that I help through my coaching business.

Breakthroughs of all kinds usually are proceeded by a crisis or a Divine storm. The greater the crisis the greater the opportunity for growth and advancement. Out of confusion comes order. A higher degree of order than existed prior to the confusion. It's a wake-up call that the path you are on is not the right path for you. You have taken a detour. The crisis is trying to get us back onto our own track.

We need not to fear the changes. Step into the unknown and have what it takes to handle the crisis in your life. 


Monday, August 28, 2017

Our Pain Has A Purpose

                                            Be grateful for your pain and suffering,
                                                       you will need them to grow.

What is the purpose of pain?

Have you ever heard a person say....."the cancer was the best thing that ever happen to me"
or "losing that job was a gift" or "going through this financial loss or relationship loss saved my life" or "this addiction was a wake-up call for me"

What are they talking about?

What is the nature of this pain?

Most of the time it's about loss of the awareness of who we are.

All the problems, or crisis that we are experiencing in our lives are not there to hurt us. They are there to help us and to wake us up. They are sent to us by a part of ourselves that loves us so much that it will create extra difficulties for us if we are on the wrong path or have taken a detour in our lives. It is a sign to get us back on track. It's a sign that we need to grow up.
What else can it do?

This is the only way that it can get us to pay attention.....through difficulties and pain. Otherwise we would not pay attention. With pain we are now forced to pay attention.  It can be done through physical pain or emotional pain. These difficulties are waking us up and forcing ourselves to get to know ourselves.

You can look at a problem in 2 different ways.
- Something to overcome and to get through
- A possibility of learning. A message from our true self

If we ignore the lesson, we will get another lesson and another. And every time you ignore the lesson the more severe the next lesson will be until you finally stop and pay attention to the pain.
The more stubborn you are, the longer it will take for you to get the lesson and to be able to re-connect with yourself.
Unfortunately many people need many wake-up calls. Most of us are not very quick to learn. It will take a long time to wake some people up.
Sometimes we wake up for a while but then we have a tendency to go back to sleep.

The experience will often allow people to finally accept themselves, getting to know themselves and to love themselves.
Before the experience came along a lot of these people were just stumbling along in life. They were sleep waking through life. Awake but not entirely awake.
Being alive but not actually living.

Any problem that comes along is not to make our lives more miserable. Actually it is to make our lives better and less miserable.
The suffering that is imposes is an attempt to wake us up.

If we wake up, it will be a reason to be grateful.
Anything that comes along..... illness, addiction, death, abuse or loss..... take it as an opportunity to learn. Take it as an gift that is here to wake you up.

So don't ignore your pain. It has a message for you. Slow down. Learn from your pain. It is here to help you.
The pain in here to help you to re-connect to your essence.

So whatever you do, don't shut off your pain. Instead learn to except your pain.
Remain vulnerable.

From my book.....Bounce Don't Break

     You must learn to self-sooth. Because anything you reach for out there, won't help you fix your problem and the emptiness in the inside.
Learn to be still. One thing that would be helpful to learn is to sit through your painful feelings without turning so some kind of addiction to numb out.
     You can't avoid the pain with any kind of addiction or distraction. It will eventually catch up with you. There will not be enough alcohol, drugs (prescription or non-prescription), food, sugar gambling, shopping, sex, relationships, internet, TV or staying busy all the time to distract you from your pain.
     It will never fill the emptiness that you feel on the inside. Addiction will only wreck havoc in your life. You can't keep running. You can't keep putting off the pain for temporary feelings of pleasure. Those feelings won't last.
     You can never avoid feeling those uncomfortable feelings. Instead you must learn to deal with those feelings in a better way. Feel.....Deal.....Heal.
     In life we all have "good" and "bad" feelings. No one wants the bad ones. But that isn't reality. Life comes with a variety of good and bad things and feelings. For all of us. Instead we must find a better way of dealing with them.
     My favorite drug of choice is chocolate. If I want to numb out I go for the sugar. When I feel those uncomfortable feelings coming on, I dive into a bag of Peanut M&M's.
     While I was in the relationship with my narcissistic ex, I used to go shopping as an escape. I had to get away from him and out of the house. I used to spend hours roaming the big department stores, buying things that would make me feel better for the moment. But as soon as I returned home and walked into the house that pleasurable feeling was no where to be found.
    I did have a lot of pretty clothes, shoes and purses in my closet. But I didn't do me any good because I never got to wear them.
    But going shopping was a great escape fro me. A new purse and some chocolate was my best weapon for feeling insignificant, ignored, lonely and unworthy of love.

We do so many things to get away from pain like using substances or acting in a certain way.
Your pain is a messenger. Protecting yourself from pain doesn't work. And when we try to fend ourselves from suffering, then we only suffer more  and we don't learn what we can from the experience.


Wednesday, August 23, 2017

It's Great To Start - But You Must Also Finish

                                                "When it's all said and done,
                        the finish line doesn't care how many miles you had to run
                                                 or how fast you have gone.
                                                 It just cares that you arrive.
                                           That you finish what you started."
                                                         - Fellou Flowers

Have you ever been to someone's' house to find that they are buried in unfinished projects?

They are building a few new cabinets in the kitchen.
They are adding a new shower in the bathroom.
The floor in the living room is being replaced.
The pluming is under construction in the laundry room.
The whole upstairs walls are being painted.

This sounds exhausting but it actually happens. People take on way too many projects at the same time and they don't finish either one. This will eventually cause a lot of stress to the people living in this house and it will cause a lot of stress in general. Knowing that you have all these unfished project and not having the energy to finish either one.
If you come back to the house six months later.....same thing. No progress to talk about and they might have added another project.

I think we can all agree that we don't want to live in that house. At least I know I don't.

But we don't recognize that a lot of us will actually do the same thing in our lives.
The above example is so easy to recognize. But a lot of times we can't see or we don't want to face it and admit what we are doing in our own lives (or don't do).

People love to start new projects or maybe even a new business. And sometimes people will even do this when it comes to relationships. A new relationship is always fun in the beginning and it makes you feel wonderful just like a new business or project will.

Yes.....everything is fun in the beginning. All your friends and your family are onboard and they are cheering you on. It is something new and often very exciting.
But what happens a couple of months into the project when you are running out of energy, your friends are busy with their own lives and they don't care so much anymore, and no one is there to cheer you on..... but you?
What happens when it's not fun anymore? What happens when you get frustrated and easily distracted? What happens when the self-discipline is fading?

Now you quit or you jump into something new that will give you a new inspiration and a burst of energy.
You are now excited least  for a while until this new thing becomes boring or you see no results.

Can you see the pattern here?
A lot of people will start new things. It doesn't matter if it is a new business, new health-plan or a financial plan. It is fun to start, but very few people will finish what they actually started.

A lot of people are actually living in the house in the example above. They have started way too many projects and finished none.

Time to change this!
Make commitment to yourself that this time you will finish what you started. No matter what. It doesn't matter if no one is there to cheer you on or you haven't seen any results for a while.
Be committed.
Finish one thing at a time.
Don't start anything new until you have finished the previous project.
It is a known fact that it is very difficult to finish the last 5-10% of almost any project.

I remember last year when I was writing my first book....Bounce Don't Break, how excited I was in the beginning. But as time went by I got more and more tired and also frustrated. It took a lot longer than I had expected. I ran into roadblock that I had not thought about before I started, because I had never written and published a book before. I had to wait on other people to get things done. There were plenty of things that I could not control. It would have been very easy to put the project aside for a while. But I didn't want to do that because I know that often when you put something aside for a month or so..... it might be a year before you get back to it. Or maybe you won't finish it at all. And I didn't want that to happen. So I pushed through and I am so glad I did.

It will become very stressful to live with a lot of unfinished project around you and it won't boost your self-esteem or you confidence.
This is stress that you don't need in your life. It's stress that is under your control and that can be avoided.

When you start something and you finish it..... it will be the greatest feeling and you must celebrate!!!

It's great to start.....but you must also finish.


Monday, August 21, 2017

If It Causes You More Pain Than Happiness - LET GO!

                                                  Today it's time to let go,
                                     let go of anything that's bringing you down.
                                            Don't let negative circumstances
                            deter you from the wonderful things life has to offer.
                                             If it's not uplifting it's not worth it.

Have you ever felt uncertain about your next move?
I know I have..... many times in my life. I am pretty sure that most people have.
You wake up in the middle of the night and your mind starts going a hundred miles an hour with questions like

I know that I am not happy but what am I going to do?
Do I make a move or do I stay?
Is now the right time to take action, or do I wait?
Do I stay in this relationship or is it time to leave?
Do I stay on this job or is it time to start looking for a new one?
Am I happy living in this city, or will I be happier somewhere else?

All these nagging questions can feel very daunting, but all the red flags might tell you that it is time for a change. Maybe it is time to walk away.

Here are a few red flags that you might want to look out for

You are not being able to be who you are.
In other words you are compromising yourself. We all have a need to authentic. Be who we actually are deep inside. Not being someone that we think that other people will like.
Dare to be yourself. You are OK the way you are. Do what is right for you, even if no one else agrees with you. Stand up for yourself and what you believe in.
Never become someone else, because eventually it will pollute your whole life.

You feel like you are fighting an uphill battle.
If you are spending most of your days just trying to cope, change or fix a situation, chances are it isn't the right one for you.
Life is suppose to be about joy, happiness and growth.
If you are constantly struggling to feel good, it is probably time for a change.

You are afraid to change.
In other words.....fear is a big obstacle. You know what you have but you don't know what you will get if you make a move. Why are we so often convince that if we make a change, it will get worse?
How about if it will get a lot better?
If you are not growing where you are right now, it is time for a change. Staying just because it is the easiest things to do, is merely a recipe for regret, bitterness and disaster later in life.
Staying comfortable will cost you and it will make you miss out on great opportunities in life.

You feel obligated to stay.
If you are in a relationship right now based on obligation you are in for a rough ride. These kind of relationships often lead to resentment and also bitterness, down the road.
You will eventually feel like you have no choices and that will lead to feeling stuck.
Being able to choose in life is very powerful. You are not doing anyone any favors by staying because you feel like you have to.
Being somewhere where you don't want to be or where you don't belong will give you a feeling that your life has no meaning.

You are not being valued.
Being with someone that doesn't value you or being in a job where what you do is not being valued is about as damaging as it gets. Knowing that you can be replace at any time will bring a lot of stress to your life.
When you give someone or something your all, but you notice how little it matters to whoever is on the receiving is time to go!!!
Don't allow yourself to be used and abused. Don't allow yourself to being put down or compared to others. If the job or the relationship is not lifting you up and you feel put down most of the is time to plan an exit strategy.

Letting go of something that feels familiar to us is no easy task.
But staying somewhere or with someone that won't allow us to grow will only make our lives worse.

Be courageous. Face the truth and the take action.


Wednesday, August 16, 2017

Powerful Daily Habits That Will Make You Happy

                                         "Happiness is not something ready made.
                                               It comes from your own actions."
                                                            - Dalai Lama

We will never discover our true greatness and we will never become truly happy until we start taking care of ourselves.

We do so many things for others and we give our time away to others until we don't have any time left for ourselves.

We seldom take time to do the things that we want to do. And any time that you put yourself on the backburner for another day, week, month, year or 5 years the more unhappy you will become.

Is there something that you want to do, you have to start doing it NOW.
Don't put it off. There will never be the perfect time.

Here are a few simple things that you can do on a daily base to make yourself feel happy.

1. Love Yourself
Make caring for yourself the highest priority in your life. Take care of you. Look out for what truly satisfies you. We are taught to not love ourselves, to take care of ourselves and to look out for ourselves.
Become sensitive to your needs, your wants and your desires. Make a conscious effort to make YOU number ONE.
Your peace of mind is more important than your family,  anybody, because if your don't have peace of mind and your health you can't serve anybody.

2. Take Care of Your Health
Taking care of your health is absolutely a must. Without your health you don't have anything. You must have your health and your energy to do anything and everything in life.
Eat a well-balanced diet and make sure that you get plenty of exercise. Be willing to move your body
Create a health plan and start treating you body as a temple.

3. Get Enough Sleep
You can train your body to get less sleep, but you can not train it to need less sleep.
Sleeping around eight hours a night is a must if you are going to be able to live a happy and productive life. Your brain needs this time to go through everything that happened during the day and either store the information and the events or get rid of them.
Make a commitment to keep all electronics out of the bedroom. Especially your cellphone.

4. Read or Listen to Something Inspirational
Take at least 30 minutes per day to read an inspirational book or listen to something that will make you feel happy and empowered. This could be a great thing to do right before you go to bed. It will help you sleep better during the night.

5. Take Time to Do Something You Enjoy
Take some time to nothing. Or turn on some relaxing music, meditate, go for a walk in nature, a nice relaxing bath, dance around your house to some music you love or sing out loud. Take 30-60 minutes and do something that will make you feel good and happy.
Take some time for you.

6. Draw The Line
There are some things in your life that you are not going to accept any longer. Enough is enough.
Learn to use the word "NO". You cannot grow with certain things and people in your life.
If you don't draw the line and allow things to happen in your life that you don't feel good about, then you won't feel good about yourself. Your image of yourself will erode.
You have got to draw the line

7. Stay in Touch with Family and Friends
We have gotten a little lazy lately. We think that a text or an short email is a great way of staying in touch. It's NOT. Make an effort to call someone on the phone. Take some time to actually get together in person. And when you do put your cell phone away and be there. Be 100% present with the person in front of you. There are so many people in this world that are feeling isolated and alone and a simple phone call can make a huge difference in someone's life.
Take some time to connect. You are never too busy to do this

8. Pursue Your Dream
Have you buried your dream? Time to get it out and dust it off.
Don't remain where it is familiar. Get out of your comfort zone.
You the end we will only regret the things that we didn't do in life.
As women we have been groomed to sacrifice our own dreams in favor of our children's dreams, our husbands dreams or the family's dreams. We forget about ourselves. Then we become resentful, angry and bitter.
Never have regrets because they will weigh you down and make you very unhappy.
Go for your dream. It is important!

9. Smile!
If people don't have one.....give them one of yours.


Monday, August 14, 2017

Learn To Say "No" - Withour Explaining Yourself

                                            Say "no" to things that won't serve you,
                                       will allow you to say "yes" to things that will

Are you having a heard time saying NO?

Do you take on more than you can handle even though you know that you should say no?
In other words..... do you let your mouth overload your back?

Maybe you don't want to do something, but on the other hand you don't want anyone to get mad so you agree to do this "thing" that you have no interest in doing. And maybe you don't actually have enough time to do it, and now you have to cancel something fun that you have planned to do..... just so that you can help someone else out?
How is that going to make you feel?

It is very important to set limits and especially women are having a hard time learning how to say no.
Both at work and at home. With their families and also with their friends.

There are usually two reason that makes a lot of women say "Yes"..... when they actually want to say "No"

We are afraid how other people will react when we say no.

We want to be kind and helpful.

Often we feel selfish when we say no, but we must learn to set limits otherwise we will feel drained of our energy and it might eventually lead to burnout.

A lot of times we feel that we give more that we get back and we often feel that people don't appreciate what we do.

If we continue to help people that we feel don't appreciate our efforts we will eventually get very angry with that person(s).

But the end....we were the ones that offered our help and our services and we have made other people used to expecting and getting our help.

It is time to put your foot down and start to set limits.

Will it be easy?

Actually I don't believe that people will be as upset as we think that they are going to be.

By setting limits you will get more respect from others and you will eventually have more respect for yourself and that will in the end give you..... peace of mind.

A Few Tips!

Now if you are not a person that are used to putting your foot might take a little practice and it will feel uncomfortable for a while. But the longer you keep on doing it, the easier it will get and the more confident you will feel.

When you start saying no to people, you never have to explain to them why you can't do it or don't want to do it. A simple and kind "no"..... is a perfect answer.

Just remember when you have put your foot down and said "no".....keep your foot down. Don't allow other people to talk you into changing your mind.
Be kind and clear..... but be firm.

Tell the person "no" right away. We don't do this because it is hard to say no.
But it won't be any easier to say "no" tomorrow or the next week.
Or you can tell people..... "No! But if I change my mind I will call you and let you know."

Just remember that you don't owe anyone an explanation why don don't want to do something.
That is your business and no one else's.

Your needs and wants are important too..... and you don't need anyone's approval. Only Yours.

Wednesday, August 9, 2017

Why Having A Healthy Brain Is Very Important

                                   If you don't take time to take care of your health now,
                            you're gonna have to make time for feeling sick & tired later

We hear and read a lot about why we should have a healthy heart.

But we seldom hear a lot about having a healthy brain. Especially when we are getting a little older.

It really doesn't matter if your body and your heart is in excellent shape, if your brain isn't working properly.

In this blog I want to talk about a great book that I just finished reading.....
Your Miracle Brain.....written by Jean Carper

In this fantastic book the author will go over just about everything that will improve the quality of your brain. Everything from activity to the food that we eat.

In other words we are what we eat and we can make sure that we take good care of our brains so that we can live a healthy and fulfilling life.

We can prevent or slow down the aging process of the brain, and we can also prevent some of the brain diseases like early dementia, Alzheimer's, ALS, Parkinson's and stroke.
The book also talks about how dangerous diabetes is for the brain. Something to think about as so many more people develop this disease sometime during their lifetime.

Being both physically and mentally active is very important for our brain and it will also make us feel a lot happier and healthier.
Make sure you learn something new, once in a while. Like taking up a new hobby, maybe learning a new language. Get out of your comfort zone and meet new people with different ideas and interests from yours. Always read books.
Your brain needs to be stimulated with new experiences..... and make sure that you don't isolate yourself too much.
Your brain is like a muscle. The more you work it....the better it gets.

Make sure that you move physically. You have to move your body no matter what is going on in your life and how old you are. It is not good for a body to be inactive. Make exercise part of your daily routine. A 30-50 minute walk..... five times per week is a great option.

Also the food that we eat will make a huge impact on our brains. The book will tell you all the do's and all the don't. If you are not a fish eater you might want to start being one, right now. Or make sure that you are taking Omega3 supplements.
And if you don't like fruits and vegetables, you are probably going to be in trouble later in life if you don't eat them.
After reading this book you might want to rethink some of your food choices that you are making right now.

Another thing this book talks about is the importance of taking daily vitamins to improve you brain health and to prevent future damages.

It is always a lot easier to be preventive that to actually treat the disease after it has happened.

The book also talks about why sugar is both good and bad for the brain.
How to increase the serotonin level in the brain. (Serotonin is the happy hormone. It helps regulate your mood).
Why we love our coffee and our chocolate.
How a little bit of red wine is a good thing and why black tea is something that we should also drink.
It also mentions that eating too many calories will age your brain.

Check out this book!
A lot of useful information on how to have a healthier brain, body and mind.

Karin Glannstam - Personal Success Coach

Monday, August 7, 2017

Progress Is Messy

                                                        All change is hard at first.
                                                           Messy in the middle.
                                                        And gorgeous in the end.

I remember back in the early nineties when I was in the process of building my very first house together with my now ex-husband.
We had picked the perfect lot in a small subdivision outside Houston. The lot was almost one acre and it had a lot of trees on it.
We had also decided on what the house was going to look like. It was going to be a two-story Country-Victorian house. Three bedrooms, 2 1/2 bath, nice size kitchen and a three car garage.

We were very excited about the house and our plans..... but then the construction started.
Excited days got replaced with days filled with frustration, worry, anger and disappointments.
Progress is messy.

Some days some of the workers didn't show up and the whole project got delayed because you can't start putting the roof on if the framing isn't done. A lot of things has to be done in a specific order.
Some days the material didn't get delivered and we had to wait on it. And those days we had to be flexible and work on some other things that needed to be done. Maybe just a clean up day.

Talking about cleaning up. Many of those days. It could be perfect and cleaned up one day and then the next evening we had to do it all over again.

The project took a lot longer that we expected and it also cost more money than we had planned for in the beginning, because we added and changed some things as we went along. Things that we were not aware of when we started the building of the house.

Can anyone relate to what I am talking about?

Don't get me wrong there were a lot of absolutely fantastic day. Being able to be part of the construction of my own home was a great experience. I learned so much during this time. Things that have been very useful for me during my life.
The house turned out beautifully. We loved living there. I have a lot of fun and wonderful memories from my nine years of living in that house.

I guess by now you are wondering where I am going with this story?

Isn't it true in life that it doesn't matter what we are trying to do, especially if it involves making some kind of progress..... it is going to be a little messy, talking a lot longer that we first figured and also it will cost us a little more than we first intended. A lot of days will be filled with doubt, fear, frustration, worry and anger but in the end it will always be worth it because the experience will benefit us for the rest of our lives.

Anything you do in life is a lot like building the house I was talking about.

Have you have ever started a business of your own?  (It's a lot like building a house)
First you have to decide on what kind of business you want. Then you must also create a game-plan or a blueprint of what you want your business to look like and how to go about creating it. You create an action plan and then you make a decision what you first step is going to be. And then the next step and then the next.
In the beginning everything is great. Especially during the planning days. But it does get a little harder when you must start taking daily action steps and then all of a sudden your plan falls apart due to things you could not have anticipated and planned for.
Maybe you ran out of money half-way through the project? A friend had promised to help you, and she/he didn't show up. The person you hired stole from you and you had to fire them. Everything took a lot longer because you had to learn to do a lot of new things that you had no idea that you had to learn when you decided to start the business.
Does this sound familiar to someone?

I can absolutely relate to all of the above in my own business. Many days can be very frustrating and many days..... I don't know what to do. I don't have all the answers. I have had to learn a lot about being patient. Patient when people don't do what they promised you, that they would do. Patient when other people that you are depending on are delaying your project(s). I have had to learn things that I never thought I could do. I have had learn to do things that I really didn't want and still don't want to do.....but who is going to do them when you can't afford to pay anyone and the "free help" suddenly decided that they didn't want to help anymore? I have had to ask a lot of people to help me and to show me how to do things. I have read a lot of books, articles and listened to YouTube.

How about personal development?
We want to better ourselves and our lives. We want to drop a few bad habits and add a couple of new ones that are better for us in the long run. It is very exciting and we feel extremely motivated when we are planning to get in better shape, both mentally and physically.
But what happens when the alarm goes off at 4.30 in the morning and you are suppose to either hit the gym or go jogging before going to work? Well, then we need a new kind of excitement.

The planning phase is always more exciting than actually taking action on our plans. And I guess that is why a lot of people will have great plans but no execution.
How about those days and you have been working very hard for a very long time and nothing happens? Those days are very difficult and during those days it is easy to get discouraged and feeling like you want to quit.

But if you go back to building the can't quit halfway through the project. You can't live in a house without a roof.
Same thing with a business. It will take a while before you will see some results and you might have to alter you game-plan many times because it just didn't work. You might have to do a few things that feels very uncomfortable to you. But no one else will do it, or you can't afford to pay anyone else.

Same thing with the house. You will realize after a while that you rather have a bigger window in the kitchen or a larger/smaller garage.
Maybe jogging at 5 am in the morning isn't your thing and you have to try something new that will better fit you and your lifestyle. Maybe jogging in the evening with a group of people will better fit you. Or maybe playing tennis or going swimming.

In the end we must all realize that progress is messy. It doesn't matter what we are trying to do.

First we have to learn to be patient with ourselves. Usually it will take a longer that we think it is going to do and most of the time it will require a lot more work that we thought in the beginning. Growth is not that easy..... but it is always possible, and at any time of our lives.
We are never too old or too young to start.

It doesn't matter what you are trying to do. Building a house, building a business, building a healthier body/mind, building better relationships or a better financial future. It will take time. It will require a game-plan, action on your part and it will include a lot of messy days filled with confusion, fear, doubt and worry.

But in the end it will all be worth it. Just think about all you have learned in the process and also think about the person that you now have become due to these experiences. A New You.


                                          Karin Glannstam - Personal Success Coach

Wednesday, August 2, 2017

Fantastic Book About Self-Control - The Marshmallow Test

                                                  What lies in our power to do,
                                                  it lies in our power no to do."
                                                               - Aristotle

                                       "Self-control is a key factor in achieving success.
                                                We can't control everything in life,
                                             but we can definitely control ourselves.
                                                       - Jan McKingley Hilado

If you want to learn about self-control and how to master it, I have the perfect book for you.....

The Marshmallow Test......written by Walter Mischel.

A child is presented with a marshmallow, eat this one now or enjoy two later. What will she/he do? And what are the implications for his/her behavior later in life?

The ability to delay gratification is critical for success in life.

Is willpower prewired or can it be taught?

In this book Walter Mischel explains how self-control can be mastered and applied to any challenge that we are facing in our lives, from breaking bad habits like smoking, overeating or overspending to overcoming heartbreak, making major decisions and to planning for our retirement.

This book will make you think about who you are and what you can be.

If you were presented with one marshmallow and told that you could eat this one now or wait and you can have two later.....

What would you do???

                                        Karin Glannstam - Personal Success Coach

Monday, July 31, 2017

Don't Judge Me, Until You Know Me

                                                          Don't talk about me,
                                                   until you have talked to me.
                                                        Don't underestimate me,
                                                        until you challenge me.
                                                             Don't judge me,
                                                           until you know me.

When we start something new in your lives, it is always going to feel a bit scary in the beginning.

We are going to wonder if we are doing the right thing
If it is going to work out
If we are starting a new business, we are probably going to think about if we will be able to make any money doing this
If our friends/family are going to like it
Are people going to approve of what we are doing
Are they still going to like us and support us

All these questions can create a lot of worry. And a lot of times this worrying will turn into doubt. After a while, doubt will turn into questioning ourselves..... if we are actually doing the right thing. And then sometimes after worrying and doubting ourselves for a while we decide not to go ahead with doing this "new thing".....whatever it is.

I have talked to some people lately, and also during these years that I have been coaching people and I see a familiar pattern showing up.
They are afraid to take the first step. They are afraid to be seen.They are afraid to go out there in the world and share their message with other people. This happens a lot when it comes to people wanting to start some kind of business in which they are intending to help other people to improve their lives, through sharing their own experiences and their knowledge. Most often these people don't think that they are good enough and they are often afraid that somehow other people won't like and approve of them anymore, if they pursue their dream.

It doesn't matter what you are trying to do in this world. There are always going to be some people that are going to hate you. Some people won't understand why you want to do what you want to do. And some people will shake their heads at you, and they will tease you and make fun of you. Some people will doubt you and your abilities and they will talk behind you back.
This is always going to happen. But this is never about you. It is always about them.

When we start something new we want our friends/family to like what we are going to do. And we want their approval. But I have news for won't always happen.
There will be people that are going to judge you, criticize you and disapprove of you. So what!!! let them.
But just make sure that it won't stop you from pursuing your dream.

If you don't want anyone to ever judge you or criticize you, then you have to
Do Nothing.....Say Nothing.....and Be Nothing.

If some of your friends won't support you and they decide to walk away from you. Let them. You don't need those kind of friends anyway. And the good thing is that when some people leave your life..... you will have room for some new and better friendships to show up. Some that will better match you and what you are trying to accomplish.

I remember back in 2012/2013 when I was just getting started with trying to create my own coaching business. I only had a personal FB. I hadn't posted much on it,  just a few personal stuff. But then I decided to start posting some more spiritual, inspiring and empowering messages. Messages that were suppose to make you think in a new direction and with a new mind. I was scared to death that I was going to offend some of my old friends. I remember sitting in my living room and debating with myself if I could or rather dared to post certain things on FB.
Would someone get mad? Maybe they would confront me? And worst of all.....maybe they would not like me anymore? And if they didn't like me anymore....maybe they would leave me?
But I decided to go ahead with pursuing my dream of helping people and one day having a coaching business.
Yes.....I was scared a lot of times and I was doubting myself often, but I didn't allow that to stop me. I believed that I had something valuable to teach and to share with the world.

So what happened back in 2012/2013?
Nothing. Nobody did anything to me or said anything to me. They might have said a few things to my friends, but not anything to me personally. And if they didn't agree they just silently just went away. If you lose one, two or a will get some new ones that will better fit you and your new way of thinking and being. Sometimes we try to hang onto old stuff and people, way to long. Let them be a part of your past and not your present. Sometimes a very important part of you past, but often we must learn to let go. If people don't want to grow you might have to let them go for a while and sometimes forever. Some people you just have to continue to love from a distance.

During all these years since I started my business in 2012, new people have come into my life. Some are still here. Some stayed for a while. Some stayed for only a couple of months and then they left.
I used to always try to hold onto people and I always wanted to be friends forever with everybody. But I have learned that that is not the way life works. People come and people go. We must learn to recognize when it is time to let someone go.

Some people will be in your life for a lifetime. Some people will be in your life for many years and some people will only be there for a short period of time. Every person that you cross paths with are there to teach you something. Sometimes it is a big lesson and sometimes just a smaller one. But after you have learned the lesson it might be time to move onto the next one. Don't hang onto people that don't need to be in your life. Sometimes they only came along to teach to a valuable lesson about yourself or about life.

The good thing is that I still have some friendships in my life that I have had for 20-35 years. They have been with me for a long time. They are very supportive and they believe in me and that is the kind of people that you must have in your life.
No matter what happens they see something in you, they know the real you and they believe in you. They might not always agree with you but they support you and whatever you decide to do.

I am still scared from time to time when I am writing some of my blogs and now also my books. What are people going to think about me? about what I have done? and what I am sharing in my writing? Can I really write about this? Do I have enough knowledge when it come to this topic? Am I good enough to do this?
But I also know that I am trying to inspire, uplift, empower and educate others to live a better life through sharing what I have learned by going through my own lessons in life, good or bad. But also from what I have learned from others and from all the knowledge that I have accumulated from books, seminars and webinars.

Here are some of the most common things I hear from people that are trying to start something new.

I am not ready yet. I need to attend some more courses

I must have another degree before I get going

A lot of other people are already doing what I am trying to do. The world doesn't need another______________ (fill in the blank)

I don't know how to do it. I don't even know where to start

If I do this I am afraid that my spouse/family/friends won't approve of me and what I want to do

I don't think I am good enough. Other people are a lot better than I am

How am I going support myself doing this?

I am too old/young/man /woman

I don't have any resources to pursue my dream

I don't have enough time/money

I can't ask others to help me, because then they will realize how little I know

A lot of people are suffering from excuseitis. Inflammation of the excuse nerve.
They are afraid to step into the light and to be seen by the world due to being afraid of judgement, criticism and also feeling that they are not good enough.

So I suggest that you start listening and trusting yourself.
Turn down the noise that comes from the outside world. Trust your ideas and your instincts. Listen to that small voice within you.
Nobody needs to approve of your dream. It was given to you. The reason other people won't and can't see and understand your dream is because that they can't actually see it, since you were the person it was given to, only you can see it.
Hold your dream. Cultivate it, nourish it and work it.

Don't give up because things are hard. You are never given anything in this world that you can't handle.
You are capable of so much more that you can imagine.

Give us what you've got.
Don' hold back.
The world needs your gifts and talents. Start sharing TODAY!

                                            Karin Glannstam - Personal Success Coach