Wednesday, November 28, 2018

If You Fear Something - You Must Do What You Fear

                        "Every time you encounter something that forces you to "handle it,"
                                               your self-esteem is raised considerably.
                          You learn to trust that you will survive, no matter what happens.
                                 And in this way your fears are diminished immeasurable."
                                                            - Susan Jeffers

what things have you stopped doing, or never even attempted to do, simply because you can't stand the feeling of fear once you try to venture out of your comfort zone, just a little?

The feeling of fear, you know that feeling you get when you are just about to do something that scares you.
Not only is it an uncomfortable feeling but your "Inner Critic" is just letting you know that you are not good enough. You will never be successful at doing what you are trying to do. It reminds you not to make a fool of yourself in front of others, so you better stay where you are and don't try it. "Who do you think you are?" is another great way for our "Inner Critic" to lash out at us. How about letting us know that we are too old/young? You probably don't have the right education either, and you don't know the right people. How about having enough money to take a chance in life? What if you go broke, trying to accomplish your dream? What will happen then?

                                    "The only way to get rid of fear of doing something
                                                         is to go out and do it."
                                                              - Susan Jeffers

Your "Inner Critic" is the best soap opera director out there. It will create "mind movies" of doom and gloom. Failures and a path filled with nothing but obstacles and you better stay where you and do the same things that you have always done. Hang out with the same people all the time. Stay in a relationship that you have outgrown a long time ago. Go to a job that you hate. can do this.....FEEL THE FEAR AND DO IT ANYWAY.

I just read this excellent book, written by Susan Jeffers with that title. I highly recommend it.

First of all you must realize that you are not alone in having these feelings and you are not the only one with an active "Inner Critic" that never wants to leave you alone. Not even at night. Actually I think the "Inner Critic" will actually work harder after dark. And when you lying there in bed, it will start playing those horror movies in your mind again.

Jack Canfield (Coauthor of Chicken Soup for the Soul) write on the front of the book.....
"Should be requires for every person who can read! I recommend this book in every one of my seminars."

This book contains great insight. Dynamic techniques for turning fear, indecision, and anger into power, action, and love.

Pick up a copy today!!!


Monday, November 26, 2018

Sometimes You Have To Shut Your Mouth And Just Listen

                                                 "People don't always need advice.
                                            Sometimes all they need is a hand to hold,
                                           and an ear to listen and a heart to understand."

Do you feel like you are a patient person?

Here is another question.....
Do you feel like you are patient with other people?
Do you take time to listen to them and what they are trying to tell you? Or are you in a hurry and can't wait to get rid of them so that you can move on to something more important or something that you rather do instead?

Unfortunately a lot of people don't have anyone to talk to anymore. Someone that they can really trust and that they can open up to and not be afraid of being judged or condemned. And many people are also afraid to show their vulnerability because they are afraid that what they have shared might later be used against them.

Often a lot of people just need an listening ear. They don't want advice.  They don't want you tell them what they are doing wrong (they probably already know that).  And they don't want you to tell them how to do it right either. They just want you to be a compassionate listener. Someone they can be totally honest with. In other words, a friend that they can count on.

                                                   Do not listen with the intent to reply.
                                                      But with the intent to understand.

As a life coach I listen to people and their stories. Nowadays, people often feel stressed, overwhelmed angry, upset, frustrated and sad, and they have a lot of hurt and pain bottled up inside them.

Also as a life coach I am trying to help my clients to look at their problem(s) from a different angle. Show then how to shift their focus from the problem and try to find some solution(s) and then put an action plan together on how to solve the problem and move on with their life.
Sounds easy, right?

But sometimes people don't want you to solve their problem. They just want you to be with them in the moment, and to be an active listener. That's all they want. 
They don't want a solution showed down their throat. They don't want you to tell them what you did in the passed that helped you and what solved your problem. And they don't want you to tell them to follow your advice and just do it. It worked for you, so naturally it will absolutely work for them. Problem solved.

I am a very action oriented person myself and I want people to feel better, by raising their awareness, giving them some tools on how to solve their problem and to live a better life. But sometimes I have to put on the breaks and take a step back, because often it happens that a person just need to talk to someone that is actually going to be with them in the moment and pay attention to what they are saying. That's all they want. Hold a space for them. Be there 100 percent and just listen.
If you can learn to do this you will be amazed at what positive impact you can have in this person's life and also in this world, if you will just learn to be a good listener.

A lot of people actually don't need advice. I have realized that a lot of people don't need my wisdom and my tools as a coach, they just need my ears.

I believe all of us need to be better listeners.
We need to step away from giving people our opinion or advice right away, especially if they haven't asked for it.
Learn to be sensitive to what the need is, in this person that you are hoping to help.
Show people that you are concerned and that you really care.
Stop talking about yourself and what is going on in your life. Be present with this person 100 percent.

                            Someone who takes then time to listen when we are at our lowest
                                                         is rare and should be valued.

I have also been the person on the other end. The person that desperately just needed someone to listen to me for a little while. And many times I have tried to tell people that I just need a few minutes of their time. Because I was feeling really frustrated or sad at then time, and I  just wanted them to sit down with me for a few minutes and listen.
You will be surprised to realize how few people will actually be sensitive to what you feel and what you need at that moment. And few will actually take the time to slow down for a few minutes and actually listen to you. 
It's a terrible feeling when you are trying to reach out to people and they don't understand that you just want them to listen to you and that you just need a few minutes of their time. Instead they are so busy, telling you a few words of encouragement, maybe even a quick hug so they can go on an do what they want to do. 

I suggest that all of us take the time to listen to other people. 
If you make a habit of being sensitive to what a person really, really needs, instead of thinking about how much you have to do and thinking about how having this conversation with this person will put you behind on your schedule for the day.

Take the time to listen to others because one day you might need someone to be sensitive to your needs and take the time to listen to you.

Wednesday, November 21, 2018

Live A Life Of Purpose And Meaning

                                            "The purpose of life is to discover your gift.
                                                   The work of life is to develop it.
                                        The meaning of life is to give your gift away."
                                                             - David Viscott

I have a great question for you today.

What exactly are you doing in this world?

Have you even thought about this question?

If not.....why don't you take a few minutes right now, to ponder on this question.

What did you come up with?

You know, we all matter and what we do matters.

We are all unique individual. Everyone has been created with a gift or a talent. That gift/talent is unique to you. It's also up to you to utilize that gift/talent that has been given to you.

If you incorporate your gift/talent into your life and share it with the world it will give you happiness, success, purpose, meaning, passion and it will make you feel alive.

What do you want?

Figure out what is good for you and do more of that.

Realize the stupid things that you do that are probably going to prevent you from succeeding in life, and stop doing them.

Ask yourself....what am I doing right now that are not in my best interest?

Figure out what you value in life.
Set up some goals.
Put in some effort in life.....what motivates you?

You must have a valuable goal or you won't feel motivated and if you won't feel motivated, you won't take action.

We must have goals in our lives to be happy. Create a goal that makes you want to jump out of bed in the morning, excited and ready for the day to begin.

Figure out a goal and then figure out a game plan how to get there.
Realize that with some effort from you, this goal can actually happen, and it will be worthwhile for you to pursue it.

Why should you do something?
Just sitting around and do nothing is easy. But will it give your life meaning?

Be determined to find a worthwhile goal so that you don't just sit around.

Who do you want to be?

Figure it out and then start building that person

Create a vision for your life. Something that gives you purpose.
Never allow the past to stop you from living a fulfilling life. Never allow the limitations of others to limit your own vision. Believe in yourself and you can achieve anything.

Are you doing something with your life?
Are you doing all that you need and can do?
Are you the person that you want to be?


Monday, November 19, 2018

How To Get Over Betrayal

                                                        The saddest thing about betrayal is
                                                    that it never comes from your enemies.

                                                Nothing hurts more than being disappointed
                                             by the person you thought would never hurt you.

If you are reading this right now, I am almost sure that you have been betrayed by someone close to you at least once in your life, maybe even more times.
It hurts. Really, really hurts. Some of the worst pains are inflicted on us by the people closest to us. The people that we trust and thought would never hurt us. Sad but true.
You ask yourself, how could they have done this to me? Of course there will never be an answer to that question.

How do we deal with this betrayal? I know you probably don't want to hear this but I am going to say it anyway.....Forget about them and move on. They were lying to you and they were untrustworthy. So, move on.
I know that it's hard to do and obviously this person were someone that you trusted and they got to a point where they were able to betray your trust and sometimes it feels like they were even able to destroy you.

First you have to see this person for who they truly are. This person was not who you thought they were. The whole idea that this person was a good human being, that they were honest, kind, trustworthy and a faithful friend or companion, is not true. The person that you thought existed, did not exist.  Actually they never existed. It was all in your head that this person was trustworthy and that were somehow everything that you wanted them to be. They have now proved to you by their actions that it was a lie. The best thing you can to is to move on and get over it.

Sometimes it can be a little more difficult to move on, especially if someone have tied themselves to you. A good example of this is if you have children together, then it might not be that easy to just move on. But you can actually mentally and emotionally move on. Detaching from this person emotionally is the best thing that you can do.

Stop dwelling on what was and what could have been. If you keep on dwelling on what was and what could have been you will remain attached to them. Instead deal with reality. Deal with what is right now. Accept it. The faster you accept the truth the faster you will be able to detach and move on.
Be grateful that you were able to recognize and learn before you had invested any more time into this relationship and this person. Be grateful that you found out when you did that this person was a liar and that you couldn't trust him/her. Be grateful that you found out today instead of years from now.

I want you to also realize that there are plenty of good men and women out there in the world. Why don't you stop dwelling on the past and go out in the world and find a good one. They are out there. You will absolutely be able to find someone that is more in alignment of what you actually do want. Don't get trapped by obsessing over a fantasy. was a fantasy. It was an image that you made up in your own mind about this person. You built a fantasy. You are in love with a fantasy and it's time to stop being attached to it. Often when we build a fantasy around a person we have a tendency to ignore the red flags and we only remember the good times. And often we glorify the good times when it might only have been an hour or two per week. Just remember that the person that you assembled in your mind, does not exist.

One great thing that you can start doing is to spend some time with yourself. It's perfectly OK to be by yourself. Enjoy being alone. Build a new relationship with yourself. Learn about yourself. Go on a path of self-discovery.
Start doing something productive like exercising, mediate, write, start a journal. Slowly start trusting yourself again.
When we have been betrayed by someone we often believe that our judgement is off.  We trusted this person and somehow we didn't see the red flags and we automatically assume that our judgement is off. Look back and try to figure out the red flags that you missed. Learn so that the next time you will be able to recognize them right away.

In the future, get to know people slowly. Be a little suspicious but learn to build trust after they prove themselves. Only share important stuff with people that have earned your trust. Get to know people slowly. Start with small steps. Learn to trust and rely on yourself again.

I have gone through a couple of terrible betrayal in my own life. The latest and hopefully the last one happened in 2012 and I have written about it in my book..... Bounce, Don't Break - how to successfully bounce back after life knocks you down. The book is available on Amazon, worldwide.
After the betrayal in 2012 my coaching business was born in 2013. A huge setback made room for an even bigger comeback.

Move on
Forget the person who lied to you
Learn from the lesson
Get to know yourself
Trust yourself
There are plenty of trustworthy human beings in the world.  Go and find one.


Wednesday, November 14, 2018

You Have To Treat Yourself As You Matter

                                              You have to treat yourself as you matter,
                                                              because if you don't,
                                                   you won't take care of yourself.

Movement and exercise will lead to great benefits for all of us.

Our body is interconnected. It's like a two-way street.
What we eat will affect our body, our gut and also our brain.
What we think about and dwell on consistently will also affect our body and our gut.

Exercising is wonderful for our gut but also for our thoughts and our state of mind.

Some kind of movement on a daily base is essential for creating our best life, our best health, and our best brain.

I am probably just like you, and like most people, I really don't enjoy the gym that much. I have never spent hours at the gym and I probably never will but I love to move my body.
I prefer to be outdoors to do my exercise. I love to walk with my dogs. I enjoy jogging and I do yoga and some strength training.

We are all so busy with our lives and because of this busyness in life it's easy to blow of movement and exercise.
But not moving your body on a daily base isn't healthy and can be dangerous.

We must start to prioritize our health.
Without a healthy body and a healthy mind, we really don't have much.

Your real wealth is your health.

Take care of your body because it's the only place you've got to live.

Make time for movement every single day, even if it's only a short walk.

Here are a few strategies to make movement part of your daily routine.

Make a plan.
If you are going to go walking, get your shoes out of the closet and choose the clothing that you will wear.
If you are heading out to the gym first thing in the morning, get your gym bag packed and ready.
Make it easy for you. Prepare the night before if you are exercising early in the morning.

Do it early in the day
Some people like to exercise first thing in the morning.
I do better myself with mid-morning.
If you push movement and exercise off to later in the day, chances are that your motivation and your willpower might get weaker and that will sometimes make you neglect to move and to exercise and push it off until the following day.
Jumpstart your metabolism by getting moving as early as possible. It will also make you feel happier, healthier and less stressed.

Make exercise fun
Choose an activity that you enjoy doing or chances are you won't do it for very long.
Vary your routine. Explore new things. Get a work-out buddy. Take a spin class. Group exercises are fun and you can even get a personal trainer to keep yourself on track.

Figure out what will work for you.
Have fun and get moving.


Monday, November 12, 2018

Supersize Your Vision

                                                               "Stay focused,
                                                          go after your dreams
                                             and keep moving towards your goals."
                                                                 - L. L. Cool J

Have you lowered your expectations of what you want in your life based on what you think is available for you?

A lot of people won't have a vision for their life, simply because they don't think it's possible for them to actually go out there and make it happen.

Or they set such lousy goals that they are not even excited about their goals. It doesn't make them want to get out of bed in the morning.

Or we set such low goals that when we actually reach them, we don't feel excited at all.

Having a vison for your life is very powerful and then setting daily, weekly, monthly and yearly goals to be able to make it happen is so important.

A dream and goals can become like a giant magnet.
The stronger and more powerful the goal and the higher the purpose the stronger this magnet is that pulls you forward in the right direction.

Having a vision and goals can pull you through all kinds of down days, and they will pull you through a difficult time.

About a month ago I had the opportunity to visit Lakewood church in Houston, Texas.
I have been listening to Joel Osteen's messages since 2013 and I always wanted to actually be able to be part of one of the services at Lakewood, live.
What made this goal a little difficult was that I have spent the last three and a half years in Sweden. It's a long way from being in Sweden to being able to attend Lakewood church in Houston, Tx. But every week and often several times per week I would get online and watch and listen to Joel's messages.
My vision was that when I had the chance to return to The US and to Houston, one of the first things I wanted to do was to visit Lakewood church.

Guess what, I came back to Houston this past month and one of the first thing I did was to head down to Lakewood church. I was so excited that my dream would actually come true.
I would have been very happy with being in the back of the church and just enjoying the service, that was my vision for the visit.
That vision was too small. It needed to be larger. It needed to be supersized. But I didn't think that I was going to be able to accomplish anything bigger that day than to attend church, somewhere in the back.

On October the 21st I ended up on the 4th row, right in the middle of the row and when Joel came up on stage, I felt like I could almost touch him, I was that close. Amazing.
It didn't end there. After the service I actually got the chance to meet Joel, shake his hand and exchange a few words with him.

How did this happen?
It wasn't that difficult at all.
When you attend Lakewood church the first time you simply go up to the information desk and tell them it's your first time visiting and they will escort you to the front of the church and you will sit there with a lot of other people from all over the world, attending for the first time.
Then I overheard one of the many volunteers talk to some people next to me that Joel will talk to people on the 2nd floor after every service. When I hear that I decide that I was going to be one of those people that had the opportunity to say "Hello" and shake his hand.
I did get the chance to meet him and to talk to him.
Amazing experience that Sunday at Lakewood.

You are probably wondering where I am going with this story.
Maybe our dream isn't that complicated to accomplish as we think it is. A lot of times we start thinking about everything that could go wrong and we stop before we even get started. A lot of times

We must supersize the vision for our life if we are going to get excited about accomplishing it.
I know a lot of you think that it will never happen to you. That you will never be able to accomplish your dream, simply because you can't see a way that it will happen. (I didn't think that I was ever going to have the chance to meet Joel)

You don't think you have any resources, not enough money, you don't know the right people, you're too old/too young, you don't have the talents.....and the list goes on.
But I want to tell you that you do have all those things.
And if you don't feel like you have it right now, start anyway.  Because things will show up when you start walking towards your dream that you could never have envisioned and planned for.

When you have a clear vision of what you want, a plan to go with how to accomplish your dream and then you take action towards your dream, amazing things will happen.
Even if you don't see a way in the beginning, things will start to happen that you didn't plan and could not have ever planned for. In other words you will get help from other people, books, messages an idea or a gut feeling.

A lot of people give up on their goals because
The goals wasn't a great one
They give up too soon, before reaping the reward of their efforts.
And the number one reason they give up so fast is because they tend to look at how far they still have to go, instead of how far they have come. I also believe a lot of people won't even start because the can not see a way that it will happen, so they decide to stay where they are without even trying.

What is your vision for you life?
Does it get you excited and does it make you want to jump out of bed, every morning?

If might be time to supersize your vision. Put your dreams on steroids and then go for it!

You can make it happen.

I believe in YOU!