Wednesday, June 26, 2019

Be Patient. Everything Is Coming Together

                                        "Patience is the acceptance that things can happen
                                         in a different order than the one you have in mind."
                                                           - David G. Allen 

Do you know what one of the greatest enemies to you success, (whatever success is for you) is?

I know you probably don't want to hear this, but I will tell you anyway

Simple, but yet so complicated.
I know I struggle a lot with this. I know that I need to increase my patience muscle.
How about you? Does your patience muscle need a good workout?

Anything you want to accomplish will take time. The bigger the goal, usually the longer time it will take for you to reach it.
Patience like faith, requires work.

Progress comes slowly. The formation of new habits and the breaking of old ones are no quick change.
I just want you to remember that hard work will pay off, and that worthwhile goals will take time to achieve.

One thing that we must learn is to have patience to maintain our enthusiasm and industriousness when pursuing our goals.
Good things will take time.

                                                              "Trust the process
                                                             Your time is coming.
                                                   Just do the work and the results
                                                           will handle themselves."
                                                                 - Tony Gaskins

Also when we are more patient while reaching our goals, the greater appreciation we will have of our success when it comes.

On our journey to reaching our goals we will encounter setbacks and adversity. Being patient in these situation will make it easier for us to bounce back and get back on track.

                                                 "Patience is not the ability to wait.
                                             but how you act while you are waiting."
                                                                 - Joyce Meyer

So, where in your life do you need to be more patient. right now?

Be patient. 
Trust the journey, even if it doesn't make sense sometimes.
Everything is coming together.


Monday, June 24, 2019

It's Easier To Criticize Than To Create

                                      "Let the refining and improving of your own life,
                                          keep you so busy that you have little time
                                                           to criticize others."
                                                        - H. Jackson Brown JR.

Do you know someone that is constantly criticizing the looks or efforts of others?

Maybe you are that person that is doing the criticizing?

Maybe you are on the receiving end of a lot of criticism, and you don't understand why?

Critics are everywhere. They might be your family members, friends, your boss, co-workers, spouse. Or it might even be someone that you don't even know, criticizing you on the internet.

I have had my fair share of critics and haters and  I have come to the conclusion that life is way too short to take critics seriously.
I have a life purpose and I am busy pursuing my dream. I don't have time for theses kinds of people.
I have a sense of meaningful work that I am doing. I have plenty of projects and a career to pursue.

Of course it hurts and it feels unfair when people that you know and sometimes that you don't know are slinging crap in your direction. But one thing I have come to understand is this.....
Someone's opinion of me, doesn't change my reality. It's just an opinion.

I want you to understand this too, because it's very important.
Again....someone's opinion of you doesn't have to become your reality.
Opinions only have power over you, when you agree with them.

What these critics are trying to do is to try to pull you down to their level, and keep you there.
They are a huge distraction to you life purpose.
Critics do not have a life purpose, and if they do they are not pursuing it very hard, or they might even be totally off track with their life and their purpose in life.
They are procrastinators and they don't like hard work.

Critics are doing the easy thing.
They are criticizing someone else, instead of developing themselves and their own life purpose or dream.
They don't know how to pursue their own greatness. They don't want to focus and they don't want to put in the hard work towards their dream.
Critics don't have to do anything. All they have to do is to sit back and dish out crap.

Pursuing your own dream and life purpose is not an easy thing to do.
As a matter of fact it is often very challenging. It will demand everything of you. You don't have time to sit back and do nothing.
You are responsible for creating results. You are working hard towards something useful in life.
You want to improve and make a difference in your own life and also in the world.

How To Deal With Critics

Be clear with yourself about your own values.

Be clear about your own goals and dreams in life.

It's very important that you have a life purpose. If you don't, figure it out right now.

Keep going.

Build momentum and just plow right through those critics.
Opinions are like ghosts. Don't believe that ghosts are real. You can just push right through them and they will disappear. Poof....and they are gone.
Don't allow these ghosts to haunt you for years.

Know the truth.

Be confident.

Don't take the criticism seriously. 
Don't allow it to slow you down on your path of pursuing your life purpose.

                                        "Any amount of time you spend criticizing others,
                                           it's time you could spend improving yourself."
                                                                 - Nate Miller

In the end we have to take responsibility for the results that we want in life. Don't rely on people with really bad and discouraging opinions of you and your work. Never give away your power to those people.

Check out this Motivational Minute.

Create your own success.
Create massive value for the world.


Wednesday, June 19, 2019

Only You Can Be You. Use Your Own Gifts & Talents

                                                    "Stop holding onto the things
                                                        that makes you feel bad 
                                            and make room for what is good for you."

I wrote a blog the other day about my belief that we are all created for a specific purpose here on earth, and that our purpose is closely connected to doing something that we enjoy doing, it's easy for us to do and we are good at doing it.
If you missed my BLOG - Be a light house for someone is the link

But often we doubt that if we are good at doing something and if it comes easy to us, than it isn't of any great value? Because if we can do it, anyone can do it.

Are you really good at something and you know it, but at the same time you discount yourself by saying things like.....

If it is that easy to do, anyone can do it
Since it's so easy to do, there is no way anyone will pay me for my work 
Anyone can do what I do. I am not unique in my skillset
What I do probably won't help anyone
Anyone can learn to do what I do
I am not going to use my skills, why bother, others are better than me at doing this

If this sounds like you.....STOP thinking this way.
Your purpose is unique to you, and you are better than anybody when it comes to this particular skill or gift.

When you are forced to do something that is out of alignment with who you are and your talents, it will most often create tension, low level of energy, discomfort and it will require extra effort on your part.

On the other hand when you are being the way you were created, when you are being YOU, it feels wonderful to do those things. You will have unlimited energy and you will feel huge satisfaction at the end of the day.

Right now you should seriously examine what you are good at doing and what you are not good at doing.
Figure out what you are good at doing. Write it down on a piece of paper. Now, start doing more of that.
At the same time do less of what you are not good at or enjoy doing. If it doesn't give you joy, it might not be you given purpose.

I know that we all need to pay our bills and sometimes pursuing our purpose might not pay a lot in the beginning. By maybe you can find some time in the evenings or on the weekends, to start doing it for a while until you build up momentum.

I know in my own life I was faced with this question back in 2012, when my whole life imploded. After doing some soul-searching I came up with a few answers. 
I love phycology. I love to find out about people from other countries. I am interested in people's stories and they way they live. I was born a very curious person and I love to ask questions. I was also good at listening and figure out people's problem's.

This is when the idea was born to become a life coach and start my own coaching business, which I did a year later in 2013. And in 2016 I published my first book to help people bounce back from a setback. I have now written 4 books and they are all about personal development and how to live a better life that is more in alignment with who you are.

I also struggle with the idea of why people would pay me for something that comes so natural to me, and that I love doing. But as we look at today's society, most people are not 100% present in the moment. They don't listen to their children, their spouse, family, boss, co-workers or friends. Instead a lot of people are spending more time staring at a screens, than face to face conversations. People are feeling very isolated, lonely, lost and they feel stuck. And when those feeling come up, a screen won't help them solve the problem.

Do you think there is a need for what I do? 
Of course it is. People are starved for some genuine conversation and they want someone to listen to them and pay attention to them. They need help to resolve issues, create goals and they need help with how to better their lives. People used to help each other, but now a lot of people have become too busy with their "screen friends" and they don't have time for their "real" friends and family.

What are you good at doing? 
What do you enjoy doing?
What is easy for you to do?

Now, go out there and do it!!!


Monday, June 17, 2019

Be A Lighthouse For Someone Else

                                                                  "Be yourself,
                                                           everyone else is taken."
                                                                  - Oscar Wilde

I believe that every single person on this earth was born with their own set of gifts and talents.
Those gifts are yours and only you can claim them and develop them. You are as unique as your own fingerprint. There will never ever be another person like you. You are custom-designed.

You are they way you are because you are created for a specific purpose. Your own purpose here on earth. Therefore you should never want to be like anyone else. Be yourself. Be authentic. You are a one of a kind copy. Be proud of who you are and start developing your own gifts and talents.

Yes, you are equipped for everything that you need on your journey through life. For very obstacle that you will encounter you are already equipped to handle it. You are never expected to handle more than what you are already equipped for.

Obstacles will appear on your path. If you learn the lesson that is being presented to you, usually in a form of some kind of difficulty or obstacle, you will advance to the next level. If you don't get the lesson, guess what? That lesson will be presented to you a little later in a different form, and maybe even a little more difficult. And if you get it this time, you will move on to the next level of your journey.

These lessons or obstacle are never there to stop you. Only to strengthen you and make you grow. Especially your internal muscles are being shaped and your character is being developed. In the process you might have to let go of a few habits that are no longer serving you, and learn some new ones that will enable you to move on the next part of your journey.

Nothing that happens in your life is ever insignificant. It is all for your own benefits and also for the benefit of others around you. Don't bury your talents. Use them. Develop them and share them with others and the world. Don't hold back, the world needs what you got.

Some people might be looking for you and  your gifts, right now. So don't hold back. What you have gone through in your life, will benefit someone else who is in the middle of going through what you have gone through already. Share your story.

Nothing is ever wasted, especially not your hurts and your pain. These experiences have shaped you into the human being that you have become. Sometimes your greatest talents and gifts are awakened and discovered out of your greatest pain.

Who could better help people recover from alcohol or drug abuse, than a person that has been through it themselves, and that are no sober and drug free.
Who can better help someone through domestic abuse and being able to see the light on the other side than someone who was strong enough to leave and abusive relationship themselves.
Who can better help someone deal with the death of a loved, than a person that as already gone through such an experience.

                                          "Let your light shine so that others can see
                                                      their way out of the dark."
                                                          - Timber Hawkaye

Use your painful experiences to help others. Sometimes we might be ashamed of some of our hurtful experiences. We all regret things we did when we were younger. Remember this, that experience happen a long time ago. You are not the same person today that you were back then, and today you wouldn't do what you did back then. But sharing with someone else might help them through their painful experience that they are experiencing right now.

Bad things happen to all of us. No one is exempt from pain, hurt and sadness. It doesn't matter if you are old, young, male, female, your race and where you live in the world. We all have to go through painful experiences in life that will forever shape us. You are now stuck with this experience, but how are you going to handle it?
It's not what happens to you that matters. It's what you are going to do about it?

Always be yourself, share your story and be a lighthouse for someone else.


Wednesday, June 12, 2019

Are You Dealing With An Attention Seeker?

                                          "Distance yourself from people who crave attention.
                                                           Don't fall into their trap.
                                     You'll spend precious time where it won't count.
                                                                Love yourself."

When you have people around you that are needy, attention-seeking and toxic, it's very important that you take great care of yourself because these types of people will drain your energy with their constant drama and neediness.

If you can't get these people out of your life, I suggest that you limit your time with them.
You must have strong boundaries in place and stay away from getting involved in their drama, and attention - seeking behavior.
These people are very good at baiting you and getting you involved in their crazy-making behavior and it is really easy to fall for their sneaky tactics. Before you know it they have you on their hook, and you don't even know how it happened.

Attention-seekers want to always be the center of attention and they will quickly shift the conversation onto themselves and their stories. And what great stories they tell. Unfortunately their stories are often exaggerated to make them sound more important or sometimes totally fabricated. They do lie.

Some attention-seekers act like a rescuer, and they prey on people who has suffered misfortune, illness, injury or some sort of vulnerability. The attention-seeker will dash into rescue them from their suffering and then banks on the praise and attention that follows. The rescued person might become dependent on them, which can lead to the attention-seeker exploiting the relationship.

Unfortunately we often attract by our own actions. Or we will attract people that are on the same level of woundedness or emotional health as we are. Like attracts like.
If we are not complete. If there is some kind of wound or void in our life that we haven't dealt with, chances are that we might attract these kinds of people into our lives until we heal our own void or wound within.
If we avoid dealing with our own issue or our own ghosts from the past, we're going to date the person with the most issues so that we can work through our own issues until they are healed.
These people and these lessons will continue to show up until we look at them. There is nowhere to escape.

Some people are so used to chaos that they will continue to attract unpredictable people. It's because chaos is what feels comfortable for them. It's their normal. They would feel very uncomfortable if  people were predictable and without drama. It probably would be very boring to them.

Attention-seekers are like a 2-year old emotionally. These people are responding to early developmental  trauma in their life caused most often by neglect.

Attention is like a drug for attention-seekers. They will do whatever they have to do to get it. So the best way to handle an attention-seekers is to ignore them. This is the last thing they want you to do and this is why it's so effective.

If an attention-seeker is causing too much of a burden in your life, cut off contact, if possible or at least limit your interactions with this person as much as possible. Learn to walk away.

I was in a relationship with a narcissist for many years until I walked away from the relationship in 2012.  Narcissist are very much attention-seekers. They use people around them as narcissistic supply and they almost stop at nothing to try to get it. If you realize that a person is a narcissist and you start to ignore him/her they will definitely hate you, especially if they were hoping to get some attention from you.
When these people get their supply (attention) they are on a high. They are charming, charismatic and full of energy. Just like a drug addict. But these kinds of people will often become depressed and upset when they are not the center of attention. When people don't give them the attention and the praise (supply) that they so desperately want and need.

It's exhausting to be in a relationship with an attention-seeker. Their constant need to be the center of attention will make you exhausted.
People who crave attention are in reality the most fragile and insecure human being in the world.

In 2012 I walked away and cut off all contact with the narcissistic man that I had been in a relationship with for many years. I moved on with my life. I decided that I didn't want to be a dance partner any longer in his crazy making dance, and in March of 2012 I let him dance alone. 

I was no longer going to be available for any more dances.

What Can You Do?

When you are dealing with attention-seekers and crazymakers, it's important that you take an observers point of view. Don't allow yourself to get entangled in their mess and drama. 

Walk away if you can, or at least keep a healthy distance.

Take great care of yourself and work on your self-worth. Learn to validate yourself.

Check out my blog..... To Love Others You Must First Love Yourself

Figure out if you have a high tolerance for toxic people and if you do, what is the reason for that?

If you have a void on the inside, or a wound that needs to heal, work on healing that wound. 

Chances are that if you understand and heal your wound, you will stop attracting attention-seeking and toxic people into your life.

Invest in people who invest in you.


Monday, June 10, 2019

To Love Others You Must First Love Yourself

                                                       "Learn to love yourself first
                                      instead of loving the idea of others loving you."
                                                                 - John Spence

If you love yourself first than you don't have to look for love, validation and attention from anyone else. You are capable of creating it from within yourself. In that way you will never be dependent on anyone else to love you, validate you and to give you attention because you are able to do that independently of what anyone else does or doesn't do.

Unfortunately a lot of us can be our own worst enemies and critics. It's not the enemy out there that will most of the time get us.
It's the enemy within.

Society most often won't allow us to see our own worth.
Unfortunately we are constantly bombarded with messages that we are not good enough and that we have very little worth.
So when we look in the mirror, it's really hard to see the good in ourselves.

If you are trying to adjust to what society, your parents, siblings, friends and partner what you to be, it will be very difficult to become the person that you were truly suppose to be.
If you are not careful, you might even miss your destiny, if you keep on always adjusting to others.

                                    "You have to love yourself because no amount of love
                                           from others is sufficient to fill the yearning
                                                  that your soul requires from you."
                                                                - Dodinsky

Never try to get validation from others. Learn to find it in yourself. Are you keeping people around right now, because they are giving you validation and attention?
A lot of people that we are allowing to clutter up our lives are not really serving any purpose and they might even prevent other people who truly care and people that will actually contribute to our growth and health to enter our life.

Take a good look around you and make sure that you only have people in your life, that believe in you, and that are helping you grow and become the wonderful person that you are suppose to be.
Like Jim Rohn says, you will become the average of the 5 people that you spend most of your time with.

Who are you spending a lot of time with?
Are they contributing to your growth? Or are they giving you sleepless nights and are they a threat to you own peace of mind?
If your peace of mind is threatened it might be time to get out the pruning sheers and do some cutting back. No person is worth keeping in your life if they are threatening your growth, self-worth and piece of mind.

Toxic people will create constant drama that will divert all the attention onto them.
It will give you less time to focus on your own dreams, because you are constantly being interrupted by drama and attention-seeking behavior. It will also create a blockage in your mind that will often keep you from realizing your own potential.

In order for you to continue on your path of growth and development, you might have to let someone go?

Always make sure that you love yourself so much that people that don't see your worth will be automatically rejected.

                                                "To fall in love with yourself
                                              is the first secret to happiness."
                                                         - Robert Morley

Let People Go So You Can Grow!!!


Wednesday, June 5, 2019

Stay Away From The Crazy Makers In Your Life

                                             "When people undermine your dreams,
                                                predict your doom, or criticize you,
                                remember they are telling you their story, not yours."

The road to success or where you want to go, is most likely going be a very lonely and bumpy one.
It seems like this road is also going to constantly be under construction.
In other words, going from where you are today to where you want to be in the future might not be an easy one. But who said it was going to be easy?
Remember, anything worthwhile in your life, is going to be upstream.

On the other hand it is not going to be impossible either. People are remarkable and they are capable of accomplishing remarkable things in their lives.
You have to have a certain amount of grit, perseverance, persistence and patience to get to where we want to go. But if you believe, have faith and take action, you will get there.

This bumpy road often consists of negative friends and relatives, a society that does nothing to support our dreams and our vision and backstabbing bosses and co-workers, just to name a few.

On your way to your goal you also have to deal with your own doubts, lack of faith, sometimes a shaky belief system, the imposter syndrome, your own past pulling you backwards and also all kinds of distraction pulling you sideways instead of forward towards your goal.

Distractions are everywhere. We are constantly pulled in all kinds of directions.
Our phone is probably one of the worst distractions, because we carry it with us 24/7 and a lot of people are also making themselves available to others, 24 hours per day.
TV, the internet, other people's emergencies and drama count for a lot of unnecessary obstacles on our path to our dream.

It's easy to allow yourself to get pulled into other people's drama.
All of a sudden, instead of focusing on your own goals and dreams, your mind is now being busy trying to process and make sense of the crazy making behavior of friends, family-members or co-workers.
In other words, where focus goes energy flows.

A lot of us make the mistake of sharing our dreams and goals with people that are not going to be supportive of where we want to go. Instead they might even try to sabotage our efforts in a sneaky way that we won't even notice for a while.

Some people are actually driven by the fear that you might actually success, so the will always be ready with a word of discouragement. They try to plant seeds of fear and doubt in your mind and as you begin to make progress, they will double down on their strategy.

You don't even know that this is happening, but all of a sudden you feel drained of your energy, having a hard time getting inspired and motivated to continue on your path.
In other words, it is like a small hole in a tire, it might take many miles before the tire goes flat.

So, stay away from crazy making people because they have a tendency to make you feel.....CRAZY.
And they will absolutely slow down your progress towards your dream, if you allow your brain to be hijacked by their constant drama.

If you are not sure that your brain and your focus have been hijacked by some kind of a crazy maker,
I have an amazing book, that you might want to check out.
Dealing With The Crazy Makers In Your Life - written by Dr. David Hawkins

                                                "Some people will pretend to care
                                  so they can get a better seat to watch your struggle.
                                           Every helping hand isn't always to help."

Invest in people who invest in you.


Monday, June 3, 2019

Stop Giving Your Power Away By Reacting To People And Situations

                                      "When you react, you are giving away your power.
                                When you respond you are staying in control of yourself."
                                                                 - Bob Procter

Have you ever felt like giving a particular person a piece of your mind?
Like when someone cuts you off in traffic maybe? Or takes your parking spot right in front of you?
Or cuts in front of you in line instead of patiently waiting like you are?

We have all been there and I am sure that a lot of us would like to get angry and upset with the person that has wronged us at that moment. But does it really help us to react with anger and give people a piece of our mind? Well, it might feel a little better for the moment, but in the long run it will only hurt us.
Better to respond than to react. I know, sometimes that is easier said than done.

About 15 years ago I did exactly that, I reacted or should I say overreacted, to a situation that I thought was unfair. I gave somebody a piece of my mind. Yes it felt good for about a minute or two, but later I regretted it very much, and I decide right then and there, that I would never do that again.

                                       "Between stimulus and response there is a space.
                                       In that space is our power to choose our response.
                                        In our response lies our growth and our freedom."
                                                          - Victor E. Frankl

About a month ago I was on a flight from Houston to Frankfurt. When I fly overseas I always pay extra for a window seat because the flight is about 9-10 hours long and I like a little more privacy, comfort and room on such a long flight. On this particular flight I had paid for the window seat but I did not get it. I got a seat between two people instead. In my opinion the worst seat that I could get. I was puzzled and aggravated that I was not going to get my window seat that I had paid extra for. I thought about it for a few minutes and then I decided to talk to one of the flight attendants.

I explained the situation in a calm but asserted way that I had paid extra for a window seat and on my ticket you could clearly see that I was given seat A, with is a window seat. But on my boarding pass I had been given a different seat. She looked at my ticket and then see asked me where on the ticket it showed that I paid extra for a window seat. I was looking and looking and could not find the charge anywhere. My ticket didn't show the amount anywhere. I knew I had paid it but where on the ticket did the payment show up. I told her that I never fly or have ever flown across the Atlantic without having a window seat. I was nice and courteous as we were both looking at the ticket trying to find the charge. She told me that the plane was fully booked and that there was nothing that she could do and she suggested that I contact the airline afterwards, to get my money back. I realized that there was nothing more that I could do at this time. I wasn't going to get my window seat and it definitely wasn't the flight attendant fault, so I went and sat down in my seat.

After a few minutes the flight attendant came back and apologized for what had happened and suggested again that I should contact the airline afterwards and I told her that I would, to make sure that this would not happen ever again in the future. She was very nice and she was really trying to assist and be helpful. I knew that she was, and I was very nice and polite to her the whole time even thought I felt upset with my new seat assignment on this flight to Frankfurt.

But at that time I deicide to let the whole situation go. I was not going to have a terrible flight for 9 hours, because of this new seat assignment. The choice was up to me. I could not control the situation but I had full control over how I reacted to it and what kind of flight I was going to have
After a few minutes she came back again and talked to me, and I told her with a smile that I had decide to let it all go and that I was planning on have a great flight over to Frankfurt. You could tell that she seemed surprised. She smiled, thanked me and walked away.

I sat down and started to get settled in for the flight. Got my book and reading glassed out. Hooked up my earphones and got my pillow and blanket organized.
All of a sudden the same flight attendant comes running over to me, "I have a window seat available, do you want it? You have to decide right now!"
"Do I want it" I said....."of course I do." She said "come on lets' go, hurry up!" She grabbed my carry-on and started walking, and I quickly followed her …..and there is was on my right hand empty window seat. WOW, I was so excited!!!! She put my carry-on up and than told me to have a wonderful flight. I was so grateful and told her thank you, many times before I settled into my window seat.

I don't know how she found this window seat for me on a flight that was fully booked?
But what I do know for sure is that if I had been rude to her, reacted with anger for not getting my window seat in the first place, she would never have helped me and I would never have gotten the window seat in which I was now sitting.

Maybe a higher power had something to do with it?

Let me tell you, I had an amazing flight across the Atlantic. I was so grateful the entire flight. I don't know how she managed to find that window seat, and I didn't really care because I knew if I would have reacted instead of responded, I would have had to fly sitting between two people instead of enjoying my window seat.

My point never pays to get angry, upset and give people a piece of your mind.
Remember my story the next time you are tempted to react instead of responding.

Reacting is reflexive.
Responding is informed
Reaction arrives from a wounded - driven state.
Responding arises from a purpose - driven state.
Which one serves your higher purpose?