Monday, November 19, 2018

How To Get Over Betrayal

                                                        The saddest thing about betrayal is
                                                    that it never comes from your enemies.

                                                Nothing hurts more than being disappointed
                                             by the person you thought would never hurt you.

If you are reading this right now, I am almost sure that you have been betrayed by someone close to you at least once in your life, maybe even more times.
It hurts. Really, really hurts. Some of the worst pains are inflicted on us by the people closest to us. The people that we trust and thought would never hurt us. Sad but true.
You ask yourself, how could they have done this to me? Of course there will never be an answer to that question.

How do we deal with this betrayal? I know you probably don't want to hear this but I am going to say it anyway.....Forget about them and move on. They were lying to you and they were untrustworthy. So, move on.
I know that it's hard to do and obviously this person were someone that you trusted and they got to a point where they were able to betray your trust and sometimes it feels like they were even able to destroy you.

First you have to see this person for who they truly are. This person was not who you thought they were. The whole idea that this person was a good human being, that they were honest, kind, trustworthy and a faithful friend or companion, is not true. The person that you thought existed, did not exist.  Actually they never existed. It was all in your head that this person was trustworthy and that were somehow everything that you wanted them to be. They have now proved to you by their actions that it was a lie. The best thing you can to is to move on and get over it.

Sometimes it can be a little more difficult to move on, especially if someone have tied themselves to you. A good example of this is if you have children together, then it might not be that easy to just move on. But you can actually mentally and emotionally move on. Detaching from this person emotionally is the best thing that you can do.

Stop dwelling on what was and what could have been. If you keep on dwelling on what was and what could have been you will remain attached to them. Instead deal with reality. Deal with what is right now. Accept it. The faster you accept the truth the faster you will be able to detach and move on.
Be grateful that you were able to recognize and learn before you had invested any more time into this relationship and this person. Be grateful that you found out when you did that this person was a liar and that you couldn't trust him/her. Be grateful that you found out today instead of years from now.

I want you to also realize that there are plenty of good men and women out there in the world. Why don't you stop dwelling on the past and go out in the world and find a good one. They are out there. You will absolutely be able to find someone that is more in alignment of what you actually do want. Don't get trapped by obsessing over a fantasy. was a fantasy. It was an image that you made up in your own mind about this person. You built a fantasy. You are in love with a fantasy and it's time to stop being attached to it. Often when we build a fantasy around a person we have a tendency to ignore the red flags and we only remember the good times. And often we glorify the good times when it might only have been an hour or two per week. Just remember that the person that you assembled in your mind, does not exist.

One great thing that you can start doing is to spend some time with yourself. It's perfectly OK to be by yourself. Enjoy being alone. Build a new relationship with yourself. Learn about yourself. Go on a path of self-discovery.
Start doing something productive like exercising, mediate, write, start a journal. Slowly start trusting yourself again.
When we have been betrayed by someone we often believe that our judgement is off.  We trusted this person and somehow we didn't see the red flags and we automatically assume that our judgement is off. Look back and try to figure out the red flags that you missed. Learn so that the next time you will be able to recognize them right away.

In the future, get to know people slowly. Be a little suspicious but learn to build trust after they prove themselves. Only share important stuff with people that have earned your trust. Get to know people slowly. Start with small steps. Learn to trust and rely on yourself again.

I have gone through a couple of terrible betrayal in my own life. The latest and hopefully the last one happened in 2012 and I have written about it in my book..... Bounce, Don't Break - how to successfully bounce back after life knocks you down. The book is available on Amazon, worldwide.
After the betrayal in 2012 my coaching business was born in 2013. A huge setback made room for an even bigger comeback.

Move on
Forget the person who lied to you
Learn from the lesson
Get to know yourself
Trust yourself
There are plenty of trustworthy human beings in the world.  Go and find one.


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