Monday, November 26, 2018

Sometimes You Have To Shut Your Mouth And Just Listen

                                                 "People don't always need advice.
                                            Sometimes all they need is a hand to hold,
                                           and an ear to listen and a heart to understand."

Do you feel like you are a patient person?

Here is another question.....
Do you feel like you are patient with other people?
Do you take time to listen to them and what they are trying to tell you? Or are you in a hurry and can't wait to get rid of them so that you can move on to something more important or something that you rather do instead?

Unfortunately a lot of people don't have anyone to talk to anymore. Someone that they can really trust and that they can open up to and not be afraid of being judged or condemned. And many people are also afraid to show their vulnerability because they are afraid that what they have shared might later be used against them.

Often a lot of people just need an listening ear. They don't want advice.  They don't want you tell them what they are doing wrong (they probably already know that).  And they don't want you to tell them how to do it right either. They just want you to be a compassionate listener. Someone they can be totally honest with. In other words, a friend that they can count on.

                                                   Do not listen with the intent to reply.
                                                      But with the intent to understand.

As a life coach I listen to people and their stories. Nowadays, people often feel stressed, overwhelmed angry, upset, frustrated and sad, and they have a lot of hurt and pain bottled up inside them.

Also as a life coach I am trying to help my clients to look at their problem(s) from a different angle. Show then how to shift their focus from the problem and try to find some solution(s) and then put an action plan together on how to solve the problem and move on with their life.
Sounds easy, right?

But sometimes people don't want you to solve their problem. They just want you to be with them in the moment, and to be an active listener. That's all they want. 
They don't want a solution showed down their throat. They don't want you to tell them what you did in the passed that helped you and what solved your problem. And they don't want you to tell them to follow your advice and just do it. It worked for you, so naturally it will absolutely work for them. Problem solved.

I am a very action oriented person myself and I want people to feel better, by raising their awareness, giving them some tools on how to solve their problem and to live a better life. But sometimes I have to put on the breaks and take a step back, because often it happens that a person just need to talk to someone that is actually going to be with them in the moment and pay attention to what they are saying. That's all they want. Hold a space for them. Be there 100 percent and just listen.
If you can learn to do this you will be amazed at what positive impact you can have in this person's life and also in this world, if you will just learn to be a good listener.

A lot of people actually don't need advice. I have realized that a lot of people don't need my wisdom and my tools as a coach, they just need my ears.

I believe all of us need to be better listeners.
We need to step away from giving people our opinion or advice right away, especially if they haven't asked for it.
Learn to be sensitive to what the need is, in this person that you are hoping to help.
Show people that you are concerned and that you really care.
Stop talking about yourself and what is going on in your life. Be present with this person 100 percent.

                            Someone who takes then time to listen when we are at our lowest
                                                         is rare and should be valued.

I have also been the person on the other end. The person that desperately just needed someone to listen to me for a little while. And many times I have tried to tell people that I just need a few minutes of their time. Because I was feeling really frustrated or sad at then time, and I  just wanted them to sit down with me for a few minutes and listen.
You will be surprised to realize how few people will actually be sensitive to what you feel and what you need at that moment. And few will actually take the time to slow down for a few minutes and actually listen to you. 
It's a terrible feeling when you are trying to reach out to people and they don't understand that you just want them to listen to you and that you just need a few minutes of their time. Instead they are so busy, telling you a few words of encouragement, maybe even a quick hug so they can go on an do what they want to do. 

I suggest that all of us take the time to listen to other people. 
If you make a habit of being sensitive to what a person really, really needs, instead of thinking about how much you have to do and thinking about how having this conversation with this person will put you behind on your schedule for the day.

Take the time to listen to others because one day you might need someone to be sensitive to your needs and take the time to listen to you.

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