Monday, July 31, 2017

Don't Judge Me, Until You Know Me

                                                          Don't talk about me,
                                                   until you have talked to me.
                                                        Don't underestimate me,
                                                        until you challenge me.
                                                             Don't judge me,
                                                           until you know me.

When we start something new in your lives, it is always going to feel a bit scary in the beginning.

We are going to wonder if we are doing the right thing
If it is going to work out
If we are starting a new business, we are probably going to think about if we will be able to make any money doing this
If our friends/family are going to like it
Are people going to approve of what we are doing
Are they still going to like us and support us

All these questions can create a lot of worry. And a lot of times this worrying will turn into doubt. After a while, doubt will turn into questioning ourselves..... if we are actually doing the right thing. And then sometimes after worrying and doubting ourselves for a while we decide not to go ahead with doing this "new thing".....whatever it is.

I have talked to some people lately, and also during these years that I have been coaching people and I see a familiar pattern showing up.
They are afraid to take the first step. They are afraid to be seen.They are afraid to go out there in the world and share their message with other people. This happens a lot when it comes to people wanting to start some kind of business in which they are intending to help other people to improve their lives, through sharing their own experiences and their knowledge. Most often these people don't think that they are good enough and they are often afraid that somehow other people won't like and approve of them anymore, if they pursue their dream.

It doesn't matter what you are trying to do in this world. There are always going to be some people that are going to hate you. Some people won't understand why you want to do what you want to do. And some people will shake their heads at you, and they will tease you and make fun of you. Some people will doubt you and your abilities and they will talk behind you back.
This is always going to happen. But this is never about you. It is always about them.

When we start something new we want our friends/family to like what we are going to do. And we want their approval. But I have news for won't always happen.
There will be people that are going to judge you, criticize you and disapprove of you. So what!!! let them.
But just make sure that it won't stop you from pursuing your dream.

If you don't want anyone to ever judge you or criticize you, then you have to
Do Nothing.....Say Nothing.....and Be Nothing.

If some of your friends won't support you and they decide to walk away from you. Let them. You don't need those kind of friends anyway. And the good thing is that when some people leave your life..... you will have room for some new and better friendships to show up. Some that will better match you and what you are trying to accomplish.

I remember back in 2012/2013 when I was just getting started with trying to create my own coaching business. I only had a personal FB. I hadn't posted much on it,  just a few personal stuff. But then I decided to start posting some more spiritual, inspiring and empowering messages. Messages that were suppose to make you think in a new direction and with a new mind. I was scared to death that I was going to offend some of my old friends. I remember sitting in my living room and debating with myself if I could or rather dared to post certain things on FB.
Would someone get mad? Maybe they would confront me? And worst of all.....maybe they would not like me anymore? And if they didn't like me anymore....maybe they would leave me?
But I decided to go ahead with pursuing my dream of helping people and one day having a coaching business.
Yes.....I was scared a lot of times and I was doubting myself often, but I didn't allow that to stop me. I believed that I had something valuable to teach and to share with the world.

So what happened back in 2012/2013?
Nothing. Nobody did anything to me or said anything to me. They might have said a few things to my friends, but not anything to me personally. And if they didn't agree they just silently just went away. If you lose one, two or a will get some new ones that will better fit you and your new way of thinking and being. Sometimes we try to hang onto old stuff and people, way to long. Let them be a part of your past and not your present. Sometimes a very important part of you past, but often we must learn to let go. If people don't want to grow you might have to let them go for a while and sometimes forever. Some people you just have to continue to love from a distance.

During all these years since I started my business in 2012, new people have come into my life. Some are still here. Some stayed for a while. Some stayed for only a couple of months and then they left.
I used to always try to hold onto people and I always wanted to be friends forever with everybody. But I have learned that that is not the way life works. People come and people go. We must learn to recognize when it is time to let someone go.

Some people will be in your life for a lifetime. Some people will be in your life for many years and some people will only be there for a short period of time. Every person that you cross paths with are there to teach you something. Sometimes it is a big lesson and sometimes just a smaller one. But after you have learned the lesson it might be time to move onto the next one. Don't hang onto people that don't need to be in your life. Sometimes they only came along to teach to a valuable lesson about yourself or about life.

The good thing is that I still have some friendships in my life that I have had for 20-35 years. They have been with me for a long time. They are very supportive and they believe in me and that is the kind of people that you must have in your life.
No matter what happens they see something in you, they know the real you and they believe in you. They might not always agree with you but they support you and whatever you decide to do.

I am still scared from time to time when I am writing some of my blogs and now also my books. What are people going to think about me? about what I have done? and what I am sharing in my writing? Can I really write about this? Do I have enough knowledge when it come to this topic? Am I good enough to do this?
But I also know that I am trying to inspire, uplift, empower and educate others to live a better life through sharing what I have learned by going through my own lessons in life, good or bad. But also from what I have learned from others and from all the knowledge that I have accumulated from books, seminars and webinars.

Here are some of the most common things I hear from people that are trying to start something new.

I am not ready yet. I need to attend some more courses

I must have another degree before I get going

A lot of other people are already doing what I am trying to do. The world doesn't need another______________ (fill in the blank)

I don't know how to do it. I don't even know where to start

If I do this I am afraid that my spouse/family/friends won't approve of me and what I want to do

I don't think I am good enough. Other people are a lot better than I am

How am I going support myself doing this?

I am too old/young/man /woman

I don't have any resources to pursue my dream

I don't have enough time/money

I can't ask others to help me, because then they will realize how little I know

A lot of people are suffering from excuseitis. Inflammation of the excuse nerve.
They are afraid to step into the light and to be seen by the world due to being afraid of judgement, criticism and also feeling that they are not good enough.

So I suggest that you start listening and trusting yourself.
Turn down the noise that comes from the outside world. Trust your ideas and your instincts. Listen to that small voice within you.
Nobody needs to approve of your dream. It was given to you. The reason other people won't and can't see and understand your dream is because that they can't actually see it, since you were the person it was given to, only you can see it.
Hold your dream. Cultivate it, nourish it and work it.

Don't give up because things are hard. You are never given anything in this world that you can't handle.
You are capable of so much more that you can imagine.

Give us what you've got.
Don' hold back.
The world needs your gifts and talents. Start sharing TODAY!

                                            Karin Glannstam - Personal Success Coach

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