Monday, February 10, 2020

We Are Much Better At Causing Hurt Than Feeling Hurt

                                        Feeling pain means feeling human...….
                              by allowing ourselves to feel we become stronger,
                            more resilient, and better equipped to manage adversity.

What do you do when one of your buttons have been pushed?
In other words what do you do when you are feeling hurt, shamed, embarrassed or angry?

Are you trying to offload your pain onto someone else?
Or do you find yourself in the pantry looking for some carbs to calm your nerves?
Or are you reaching our for a glass of wine or two?

When something happens in our life that makes us react, that energy doesn't just disappear into the air. Every time that we feel hurt, angry, guilty, embarrassed or ashamed we are usually going to do something with that energy. Some of us will end up in the pantry but some of us might pass that energy onto the next person.
Have you ever done this.....someone gets angry at you or makes you feel hurt or guilty and immediately you lash out at them..... or you walk away and later you take it out on someone else, like a co-worker, spouse, child,  friend or dog? Most people off load their pain instead of feeling it themselves.
Ever heard the saying..... "Hurt people will hurt other people"?

Have you ever worked for someone who acts like this? Or maybe you were raised by a parent like that? Or maybe you have been in a relationship with someone like that?
That is egg shell environment.

Back in 2010 when I was in a relationship with a narcissist, this happened pretty frequently. I could say something innocent, but without knowing, I triggered a button within him and he could go off in a rage attack. Sometimes it could be my tone of voice or I might have been looking at him in the wrong way and he would fly off the handle. Not a great environment to be in. Very stressful because it didn't matter what I said or did, he would be triggered and lash out at me. I left that man in 2012 because no matter what you do when you are in a relationship with someone like that, you are always walking on thin ice. This man was a lot better at inflicting pain onto others instead of dealing with it himself. And the truth is, I had nothing to do with his anger, hurt and pain. Those were wounds that  had been inflicted on him as a young child and that never got healed during adulthood.

When it comes to anger, blame, avoidance or hurt, people will push it down so far and at a later date they will explode when there might just be an innocent comment made by someone. This seemingly innocent comment is enough to send them into a rage.

Also some people will push it down for so long that finally their body can't handle it anymore. Your body will always keep the score and eventually it will turn on your in the form of an illness. Or depression, anger, anxiety, fear or problems with sleeping. You body is taking in that energy all the time and then the energy gets stuck in the body, creating all kinds of problems, later in life.

What can we do when we get triggered or when our buttons get pushed?

First we have to acknowledge that our button has been pushed.
Then we have to realize that something emotional is going on.
We must get curious about our emotions.
What does it mean? Why am I feeling this way? Where is it coming from?

Are you going into an old crazy story about what is going on, or are you willing to look at why you are emotionally hooked, hurt or stressed out about it? Is there something that you need to figure out?

Realize you have been triggered.
Lean into the pain and the hurt..... instead of trying to escape it or unload it on someone else.
Be crious about it. Figure out what is going on.
Find the truth instead of going into your "crazy" story.


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