Wednesday, March 22, 2017

True Change Is Never Easy

                                          "All great changes are preceded by chaos."

Changing is never easy. True transformation never is. But of course it can be done. It doesn't matter where you are struggling in your life right now.....never ever give up on what is important to you.

I have a client, lets call her Amy and her husband Bob. They also have two wonderful children
Amy come to me for help over two year ago. Her husband Bob was having big difficulties with his job and they were having big problems in their family life.

On the surface it looked like they had everything. A perfect life. Nice home in a great neighborhood. Both having great careers and their children were wonderful. Bob had a job as a sales person with a big insurance company. A great job that he liked but it meant long hours at the office and quite a bit of out of town travelling. Amy also worked in the insurance business but only part time.

It all sounds pretty good.....right? But there was a dark side, too.

Bob was struggling with a nagging and hidden insecurity that was messing with his mind on a daily base. He didn't feel like he was good enough for his wife and he was also concerned that he didn't do a good job at his company. He didn't feel good enough at anything. And at times Bob also felt very depressed.

To ease the pain and the negative thoughts, Bob often turned to alcohol. A drink or two almost every evening after work. And then his depression would all of a sudden show up, and to deal with it he turned to a few more drinks.
When Bob was on the road away from the family he would hang out in the hotel bar in the evening to sooth his feelings of loneliness and unworthiness.

As a young kid Bob often witness his own father deal with problems and stressful situation by drinking alcohol every evening after work and sometimes all day on the weekends.

After a couple of years Bob's drinking became a huge problem for his family life and also his job.
Drinking led to overeating and also drugs. And by now his life was spiraling out of control. He could no longer hide his problems at home or at work.

He finally realized that if he continues on his self-destructive path he would end up an alcoholic like his father. He also knew that he would lose his marriage and his relationship with his children. Also he would probably lose his job.

So what did Bob do?

Bob decided to not follow in his fathers footsteps. Instead he decided to clean himself up for the sake of his wife and his beautiful children.

What Bob did took great strength. He checked himself into rehab where he spent two months getting clean and sober. And he has been that way for over a year now.
Today Bob is a lot happier. His marriage is strong. He is more open with his wife, friends and co-workers and he is having the energy to keep up with his children.

But not a lot of people turn their life around. Most take the easier but darker path. Going deeper and deeper into the depth of despair when life is getting tough and they are being tested.

Bob's father took the wrong and darker road, instead of changing. His dad chose the easy way, more drinking and less responsibility. It left huge scars on Bob and he didn't want to inflict such wounds on his own children. Bob wanted to stick around for his wonderful wife and to see their young children become adults.

Fortunately when Bob was faced with the toughest decision of his life..... he decided to fight.
He chose a new direction and he wanted to change because of his family. Bob was embarrassed by his behavior and he felt too ashamed to reach out for help. But he finally did.
He finally admitted that there was a problem. He took responsibility and he knew that he had to make some changes.

So what did Bob to right?
First he admitted he had a problem and he asked for help. Then he held himself accountable for his own recovery and to health professionals. His found an incentive - his family. He made plans of how he wanted his life to look like. He made plans for his future with his family and his job. Finally he set a deadline for changing and checking into rehab.
Today Bob is always willing to ask for help when things get tough.

Don't be afraid of change. It is leading to a new beginning.

                                        Karin Glannstam - Personal Success Coach

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