Friday, February 13, 2015

How to Find the Love of Your Life

Since tomorrow is Valentin's day I thought it was perfect to write about LOVE in today's blog.

Several months ago I found this article that I saved and today I want to share it with you.

For most people relationships are the source of our greatest joy -  and greatest difficulties. While they were intended to uplift and empower, often they constrict and sadden. This need not be.

Here are some great tips!

1. Regard Relationship is a Journey, not a Destination.

The goal of relationship is not to obtain a life partner or to get married and have a family. The goals of relationship is to enjoy relationship. If you are too focused on getting somewhere, you will miss being somewhere. Marriage and long term commitment are the intention of relationship. They are the side effects. Enjoying your relationship right where you stand will take you to all the best places. Being present in the moment leads to lasting connection.

2.  Proceed from Enoughness

The best relationship develop from wholeness, not need. You are not empty, lacking, or desperate. Do not act out of desperation, or you will create desperate results. You are whole, attractive , worthy, and lovable. When you don't need someone, you can have someone. Broken people attract broken people. whole people attract whole people. You are whole.

Fall in Love with Yourself

While you may believe you need someone else to love you for you to feel validated and loveable, it is your own love you seek. If you truly love yourself, you won't need someone to love you. The paradox is that  when you value and honor who you are, where you are, as you are, the Law of Attraction will draw unto you someone who matches our belief.

3. Don't Drag the Past into the Present or the Future

Your history isn't your destiny. The way it was is not the way it is or will be. Leaving your past relationship, for better and worse, behind you. do not spend a lot of time (or any) telling your current or potential partner about your past relationships, except for the growth and blessing they have bestowed upon you. Let your new relationship be a blank slate upon which you write the beautiful things you want it to be.

4. Be Your Authentic Self

Realness is the foundation of all healthy relationships. Let your partner know who you are. Hiding, posturing, or image management only detract from intimacy, connection, and communication. If your partner sees your true self and wants you, you really have something going. (P.S. Your true self is quite beautiful. Don't be fooled to believe you are anything less than valuable.)

5. Take Your Power Back

Real relationships exist only between equals. If you have someone on a pedestal, or allow someone else to put you on a pedestal, you are participating in idolatry, not a relationship. Idols always fall on those who worship them. If you need someone else to make you happy, they can make you unhappy. Take your power back by identifying the source of happiness within yourself, not another person.


6. Cultivate Intimacy

Intimacy means, "Into me see." Create intimate relationships by speaking and acting from your heart. In the movie The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel, a lonely man meets an attractive woman at a bar and begins to feed her lines. Soon she is put off and starts to leave. He stops her and tells her "I am just lonely and I want someone to connect with." In that moment his honesty begins a real relationship. You don't have to be lonely, but you have to be honest. Establish the frequency of intimacy and you will invite your partner to meet you there.

7. Overthrow Limiting Beliefs

Notice what you believe about relationship that keeps you from having one. "All the good ones are taken or they're gay." "Men are not trustworthy." "Women are too demanding." "the ones I want, don't want me, and the ones who want me, I don't want." You will prove what you believe, so examine what you believe. You are not limited in any way to have a great relationship, so choose beliefs that open doors rather than closing them. Deny illusions and affirm positive possibilities.

8. Build Relationship from the Ground Up

Create a relationship with a real person, not a fantasy. Get to know your relationship partner as a friend. The best relationships often do not start with fireworks and miracles. They start with quality time and meaningful activities on the earth plane . Get to know your partner before falling in bed, love or marriage. Don't fall in love. Rise in love.

9. Discern Between required and Negotiable

Make a list of the traits in a partner you absolutely require, and another list of traits that are preferable but not deal breakers. For example, you may require someone who is available, able to communicate, addiction free, and self-supporting. You may prefer someone who can dance, enjoy certain music, had a particular political persuasion, and likes to cook. Some things are truly important, and others are less important. Don't confuse the two.

10. Bless and Appreciate All of Your Relationships

There is a gift in all relationships, even those that don't work out as you expected. If you enjoy some moments, even if not all; learned about your partner and yourself; grew and deepened in your understanding about what makes relationship work and what doesn't; created a friendship; had a child; played and had fun; or know now what you don't want - all of these experiences brought you to the more positive place you know stand. Appreciation is the key that opens the door for better.

                                                                                                         by Alan Cohen

                                           Karin Glannstam - Personal Success Coach

No comments:

Post a Comment