Monday, April 2, 2018

Self-Respect Starts With You

                              People need to understand that if they don't respect themselves,
                                                         then no one will respect them.

I had an interesting conversation with a good friend last week and we talked about life in general and how to be happier and to have more peace of mind. After discussing this subject for a while, I asked my friend......what do you want?

She thought about this question for a while and then she answered.....I want to respect myself more.

One of the first questions that I always ask all my coaching clients is.....What Do You Want?

You will be surprised to find out that most people can't answer this question.
One reason for this is that no one have asked them this question for a very long time. And they haven't asked themselves this question either for a very long time.
Often we get so wrapped up in life and other people's agenda that we often just go along and we put our own dreams and desires on the back burner and sometimes we end up living a life that is out of alignment of who we truly are.

Back to my coaching clients. After thinking about this questions for a while, the answers that I get the majority of times are.....

I want to respect myself 
I want to love myself
I want take good care of myself

I have heard these same answer so many times.

So my question is .....
What is self respect?
And what does self-respect look like to you?

Today I want to share 12 things that I believe will help us get more respect for ourselves.

1. Speak Kindly To Yourself?
Pay attention to what you say to yourself, because you are always listening.
It's amazing how nasty we can be to ourselves. We say things to ourselves that we would never say to anyone else and if we did..... we would probably end up in jail.
Start paying attention to your self talk. Maybe you need to change the way you talk to yourself? Everything starts with your thinking and you can control your own thoughts. We don't have control over a lot of things but we do have control over our thoughts and our own self talk.
Time to clean up your vocabulary. Self love, self compassion and self-respect starts here.

2. Take Care Of Your Physical Health?
What do you eat and drink on a regular base? Over eating is not a good way to show yourself love and respect. How about too much drinking or smoking? I am not talking about a little alcohol. I love a good glass of chardonnay once in a while, but not all the time.
How about exercising? Are you moving your body on a regular base? You don't have to spend time at the gym every day, but I am talking about a brisk walk 5-6 times per week.
How about sleep? Most of us need about 7-9 hours per night. Make sure you get plenty of sleep to help your body to heal and to re-charge. 

3. Clean Out Your Environment?
Are you living in a cluttered home? Maybe it's time to clean out some old stuff that you no longer need. Make room for some new things to enter your life by getting rid of old stuff that no longer serves you. Have things neatly organized can save you a lot of time when you are trying to find things. Clean out you house, your office, your garage, closets, refrigerator and don't forget your car. Having a clean home will make you feel happy and energized.

4. De-Clutter Your Relationships
Some friendships might have gotten a little stagnant and they need to go. If people around you don't want to grow and their energy feels wrong to you....maybe it's time to do a little spring cleaning. Some people are just negative, gossiping and complaining all the time. If you spend time around these kinds of people it will eventually rub off on you. Don't let your loyalty become slavery.
Learn to let them go. 

5. Don't Stay In Situations Or Relationships That No Longer Makes You Happy
Don't remain in a job that you hate or that makes makes you feel unfulfilled. Most of us spend 40 hours per week at work, make sure that you enjoy what you do. If you want to leave your current job but at unable to do so at the moment, because you have bills to pay make sure that you start creating a game-plan to leave, when the right opportunity arises. 
Don't remain in an intimate relationship with someone because you don't want to be alone. If your intimate relationships don't work other areas in your life will also be affected. Same thing with a job that you don't enjoy. It will affect all areas of your life. 
Respect yourself and walk away from things that do not longer work in your life.
Don't remain somewhere because it's the easiest thing to do.

6. Create A New Vision For Your Life
Sit down and think about what you want to do with your life. Dream a little. Come up with a few new inspiring goals and maybe even a new vision for your life. Goals are like a huge magnet. They will pull you through almost anything. Make sure that you establish some new and empowering goals. Without a vision it will be hard to stay excited about life.

7. Be Selective To What You Allow To Enter Your Mind
Pay attention to what you listen to on TV. What you read online and in the newspaper. It's hard to live a happy and fulfilling life if you load up on what is wrong with the world. What is wrong is always available. Instead try to find things that is right with the world. It's hard to live a positive life if you fill it negative images and messages.
Stand guard at the door of your own mind because you have to live with the results of what you allow to enter into your mind.

8. Spend Some Time Alone
We are surrounded by noise everywhere we go. Everyone and everything is trying to get out attention. Learn to disconnect once in a while and spend sometime with YOU. Reflect on what is going on in your life. Allow yourself to dream and to create. We don't have enough time to be creative anymore. Being creative is fun and it can open the door to many new things if you just allow yourself to be still and quiet for a while.
Make sure that you don't overwork just because you don't want to be alone or because you need to be validated. Make sure that you get plenty of recharge time. Maybe learn to meditate?

9. Always Be Present
Get together with people. Don't just send them an email or a text. Make time to actually meet in person. And when you do get together, put the phone away. Be there, with the that person. They are the most important person at the time. Plan dates with your spouse, children, parents and friends. No one is too busy. It's all about priorities. Don't spend time with people that are constantly checking their phone when you are together. Don't lower your standards for anyone or anything.
In the teach people how to treat you.
Learn to say NO.

10. Start A Savings Account
Have some extra money saved up will give you freedom in all areas of life. Decide to put away a certain amount of money every month and learn to live on the rest. I call my savings account "My Freedom" account. You can start with a small amount and then increase it as time goes by. You will be amazed how much better you will feel when you don't have to worry about money all the time.

11. Forgive Others And Forgive Yourself
Forgive everyone including yourself. People that have betrayed you and did your wrong. Let it go. Parents that didn't take good care of you and didn't give you what you needed. Forgive them. They did the best they could, and they gave you what had been given to them by their parents.
Forgive yourself for what you have done in the past. Learn from if and then let it go. Know that today you would not do what the younger version of you did. When you know better - you do better.
Understand yourself and your own journey. Then set yourself free by letting it go.

12. Self-Acceptance
Accept yourself the way you are. Flaws and all. You are unique. There will never be another you, ever again. Celebrate yourself . You have talents that no one else have. Learn to use them.
Know that you are worthy of good things in life. You have value and you do have something to offer this world.

                                    "I forgive myself for having believed for so long,
                         that I was never good enough to have, get & be what I wanted."
                                                         - Geanna DeRohan

Now..... it's your do you define self-respect?
Do you agree with my list above?
Maybe you have some ideas that you want to add to the list?

Please leave your comments below.


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