"Complaining about a problem,
without posing a solution is called whining."
- Theodore Roosevelt
When you encounter a problem, setback or obstacle in your life.....do you have a tendency to focus on the problem or do you quickly shift your focus onto trying to find a solution to the problem or obstacle?
I run into so many people that have had the same problem for months and sometimes years and they continue to focus on the problem without even trying to find a solution. They are stuck on complaining and discussing their problem day in and day out.
Why do so may people continue to behave this way?
I believe a lot of people like the attention they get when they are complaining and griping. Because complaining is infectious. They will attract like-minded people who also like to complain about similar things. Now ....you have a small group of people that are complaining together. Than after a while as they continue to talk, meet regularly and in between meetings, send text-messages to fuel their misery ...they will eventually attract an even larger group. Then to top it off, some people will even take to social media with their complaining, whining and their problems.....and now you have a large group of people following them.
Yes....a lot of people seek attention and the want followers on FB , Twitter and Instagram....but is this the kind of following you are looking for?
Will this solve any of your problems?
It doesn´t matter if you are complaining about your spouse, your children, your boss, the weather, politics or the economy....you will never find the solution by complaining and venting your frustrations on social media or anywhere.
So my next question is....do you really want to solve the problem? or do you just like to complain?
I have come to realize that change is very difficult. Most of us really hate change. And the change we hate the most is..... trying to change ourselves for the better.
Complaining and focusing on your problems without trying to find a solution is really just a bad habit that you formed years ago.
And as we know any habit can be broken.....but YOU have to be willing to do the work yourself.
And here is where the biggest problem comes in. We don´t mind things "out there" to change. We gladly want our spouse to change, or the boss or the economy. But when it comes to changing ourselves.....most people are not interested.
They want other people to change. They are often not willing to change themselves and they are not interested in trying to look for a solution. Simply they have become so used to complaining all the time that they don´t even notice it anymore.
Maybe if you are having problems with you spouse you might need to start a conversation with him/her to let them know that you are unhappy and see if there is something that you both can work on. If the other person isn´t willing to do the work, then maybe it is time to call it quits because you have outgrown the relationship and you don´t have anything in common any longer. You both have changed. But spending your time talking bad about your spouse will not solve anything. All you do is wasting your valuable time.
You can never make someone else change....but you can change yourself.
A lot of people complain about their job and about their boss. What are you trying to solve with constantly focusing on the problem and discussing it with everyone that is willing to listen? You will not accomplishing anything but feeling bad about your situation. Maybe you have outgrown your current job and you are bored out of your mind? Maybe it is a new job opportunity that you are looking for? but instead of going out of your comfort zone trying to find a new job....you settle for complaining and griping. Think how much time you are wasting on focusing on the problem instead of trying to find a solution.....or maybe a new job?
I truly believe that we all want to grow. We want to learn new things but sometimes we are too scared to act on anything new. So instead we remain stuck where we are and we find some people that also are feeling stuck and unhappy to complain with. Because you would never find a growth oriented, busy and happy person hanging out with a lot of complainers. They simply don´t have the time because they are busy producing, living their lives, growing, learning and expanding.
I also believe that every problem or obstacle that we encounter is an opportunity for growth. I think it has a message within it. It is here to wake us up and to move things and people out of our way that don´t belong in our lives any longer and that are not part of our destiny.
Stop fighting these things. The Universe is trying to move things out of the way that are blocking your happiness and purpose....But you keep hanging on to it. WHY?
How can you go to the next level when you are hanging on to old stuff? Let it go and start moving.
You can not be taken forward by leaving everything the way it is.
But first you have to make a commitment to yourself to stop complaining and start looking around for the solution. It will come to you.....if you are willing to look and if you are willing to change when you discover the solution to your problem, obstacle or setback.
Karin Glannstam - Personal Success Coach