Monday, December 7, 2015

If You Want to Change Your Life....You Have to Change the Way You Think

A while back I had a very interesting conversation with a coaching client. She was feeling overwhelmed and didn´t feel like she had enough time to do everything she needed to do each and every day. She had a big heart and wanted to help a lot of people. She was also working full-time and had a home and a family to take care of. But in doing everything for everyone else she never had any time for herself. As a result she was feeling overwhelmed, stressed out and to top it off  her "monkey-mind" was out of control.

Another thing that struck me as we were talking was when she told me that after she had completed a lot of daily tasks, she continued  to add more things to her to-do list . She never stopped moving at all during the day and at the end of the day she told herself that since she didn´t complete all that she felt she needed to do during the day, she was a complete failure

I have said it before and I will say it again......
Some people are afraid to stop moving because their sense of importance comes from their busyness. Your value doesn´t come from a packed schedule or a long list of tasks. Instead it might lead to burn-out and stress.

Back to my coaching client. First she set very high standards for herself. To high to be able to achieve. Actually she set them so high that most people wouldn't be able to achieve them. And when she wasn´t able to complete all that she wanted to do at the end of the day, she told herself that she was a failure.
Can you imagine going to bed each and every night feeling that you are not good enough because you weren´t able to complete an unreasonable amount of tasks on your to-do list and therefore you are a failure. That is not going to make for a good night´s sleep.

I am a firm believe that the way you end your day that is how you are going to sleep. If you want to have a restful night I suggest you do a couple of things.

1. Don´t watch the news, scary movies and other fearful things right before bedtime. 
And don´t call yourself a failure.

That is the last thing your mind will remember before you go to sleep and chances are that you will feel unsettled, fearful and probably will have a hard time going to sleep.
Instead try to listen to some soft music, read a book, meditate or listen to some motivational speeches.
There are a lot of motivational videos to choose from on YouTube. We can all use some inspiration and motivation. It is s great way of ending your day. Really try to relax and listen to the messages.

                                         "People often say that motivation doesn´t last.
                                                      Well neither does bathing......
                                                 that´s why we recommend it daily."
                                                               - Zig Ziglar

We are surrounded by negativity. Negative friends, family members and co-workers. The news is a lot of time very negative and filled with fear. Sometimes it is difficult to keep a positive attitude. That is why I am a firm believer in listening to motivational speeches or reading inspiring books.

2. Another thing that we must learn to do is to say NO.

Without feeling guilt. Setting boundaries is healthy. You must learn to respect and take care of yourself.

Especially women have a problem saying this word. We allow to many people to use our time freely.

                    "Don´t allow other people´s urgencies to become your emergency".

When people make demand of your time, simply tell them that right now you are doing something else and that you will be glad to get back with them later. Of course if there is a true emergency than you have to deal with it, but a lot of times it isn´t. Allow other people to take care of their own urgencies. I am sure that they are well capable of handling it on their own.

You can do anything but not everything.
It´s OK to say NO. You don´t have to do everything.

3. Learn to tame your "Inner Critic", your "Monkey-Mind", or the "monkey on your back", your "busy-mind" or whatever you prefer to call it.

It is amazing how nasty we can be to ourselves. Next time you are starting to tell yourself that you are a failure you must stop immediately and start to question that statement.
Is this really true? What evidence do I have that I am a failure? Also ask this statement empowering me or dis-empowering me?
It is amazing the things that we tell ourselves. We wouldn't say those nasty things to anyone why do we say those things to ourselves. We have to become our own best friend....not our own worst enemy. There are a lot of people saying nasty things about us so why are we being nasty to ourselves?
Change your words immediately.

4. Plan your months, weeks and days.

By getting our tasks out of our heads and on a piece of paper we can really look at what needs to be done every day. Write down everything that you feel is important and that you have to do and then decide what day you need to do what.
Maybe you can delegate some of the tasks to your husband, kids, friends or a family-member. Maybe you don´t need to do some of the tasks at all. When you see things written down, they might loose its importance.

On your daily to-do list.
Learn to prioritize. Learn the difference between important and urgent tasks.
Start with the most important task first...the one that will take most of your mental energy or the one that will make you feel the most uncomfortable. Get it our of the way as quickly as possible, so that you can focus on the rest of the day.

So in order for anything to change in you have to change. You have to become better.
You have to change the way you think, talk and write.
Be mindful with the words you use when you talk about yourself and with others.

These are just a few strategies and tools that you can use.
But remember they only work if you decide that they will work and also they will only work if you use them.

It is not what you do once in a while that will make you is what you do on a daily base. Start using these little simple tools or techniques and you will be amazed how you can change your life.
But it is up to you to do the work!

                                           Karin Glannstam - Personal Success Coach