When you respond you are staying in control of yourself."
- Bob Procter
Have you ever felt like giving a particular person a piece of your mind?
Like when someone cuts you off in traffic maybe? Or takes your parking spot right in front of you?
Or cuts in front of you in line instead of patiently waiting like you are?
We have all been there and I am sure that a lot of us would like to get angry and upset with the person that has wronged us at that moment. But does it really help us to react with anger and give people a piece of our mind? Well, it might feel a little better for the moment, but in the long run it will only hurt us.
Better to respond than to react. I know, sometimes that is easier said than done.
About 15 years ago I did exactly that, I reacted or should I say overreacted, to a situation that I thought was unfair. I gave somebody a piece of my mind. Yes it felt good for about a minute or two, but later I regretted it very much, and I decide right then and there, that I would never do that again.
"Between stimulus and response there is a space.
In that space is our power to choose our response.
In our response lies our growth and our freedom."
- Victor E. Frankl
About a month ago I was on a flight from Houston to Frankfurt. When I fly overseas I always pay extra for a window seat because the flight is about 9-10 hours long and I like a little more privacy, comfort and room on such a long flight. On this particular flight I had paid for the window seat but I did not get it. I got a seat between two people instead. In my opinion the worst seat that I could get. I was puzzled and aggravated that I was not going to get my window seat that I had paid extra for. I thought about it for a few minutes and then I decided to talk to one of the flight attendants.
I explained the situation in a calm but asserted way that I had paid extra for a window seat and on my ticket you could clearly see that I was given seat A, with is a window seat. But on my boarding pass I had been given a different seat. She looked at my ticket and then see asked me where on the ticket it showed that I paid extra for a window seat. I was looking and looking and could not find the charge anywhere. My ticket didn't show the amount anywhere. I knew I had paid it but where on the ticket did the payment show up. I told her that I never fly or have ever flown across the Atlantic without having a window seat. I was nice and courteous as we were both looking at the ticket trying to find the charge. She told me that the plane was fully booked and that there was nothing that she could do and she suggested that I contact the airline afterwards, to get my money back. I realized that there was nothing more that I could do at this time. I wasn't going to get my window seat and it definitely wasn't the flight attendant fault, so I went and sat down in my seat.
After a few minutes the flight attendant came back and apologized for what had happened and suggested again that I should contact the airline afterwards and I told her that I would, to make sure that this would not happen ever again in the future. She was very nice and she was really trying to assist and be helpful. I knew that she was, and I was very nice and polite to her the whole time even thought I felt upset with my new seat assignment on this flight to Frankfurt.
But at that time I deicide to let the whole situation go. I was not going to have a terrible flight for 9 hours, because of this new seat assignment. The choice was up to me. I could not control the situation but I had full control over how I reacted to it and what kind of flight I was going to have
After a few minutes she came back again and talked to me, and I told her with a smile that I had decide to let it all go and that I was planning on have a great flight over to Frankfurt. You could tell that she seemed surprised. She smiled, thanked me and walked away.
I sat down and started to get settled in for the flight. Got my book and reading glassed out. Hooked up my earphones and got my pillow and blanket organized.
All of a sudden the same flight attendant comes running over to me, "I have a window seat available, do you want it? You have to decide right now!"
"Do I want it" I said....."of course I do." She said "come on lets' go, hurry up!" She grabbed my carry-on and started walking, and I quickly followed her …..and there is was on my right hand side.....an empty window seat. WOW, I was so excited!!!! She put my carry-on up and than told me to have a wonderful flight. I was so grateful and told her thank you, many times before I settled into my window seat.
I don't know how she found this window seat for me on a flight that was fully booked?
But what I do know for sure is that if I had been rude to her, reacted with anger for not getting my window seat in the first place, she would never have helped me and I would never have gotten the window seat in which I was now sitting.
Maybe a higher power had something to do with it?
Let me tell you, I had an amazing flight across the Atlantic. I was so grateful the entire flight. I don't know how she managed to find that window seat, and I didn't really care because I knew if I would have reacted instead of responded, I would have had to fly sitting between two people instead of enjoying my window seat.
My point is.....it never pays to get angry, upset and give people a piece of your mind.
Remember my story the next time you are tempted to react instead of responding.
Reacting is reflexive.
Responding is informed
Reaction arrives from a wounded - driven state.
Responding arises from a purpose - driven state.
Which one serves your higher purpose?
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