Emotional healing is process that takes years. The key is start slow and take one's time. Rushing leads to more mistakes, which in turn will lead to an additional loss in confidence.
Emotional/Mental abuse recovery is a gradual process.
The emotional abuse that occurs in a relationship with a narcissist is merciless and relentless. Narcissists brainwash their victims. They use different methods of coercion in order to obtain control over their significant other. They threaten, degrade, shift blame, criticize, manipulate, dominate, blackmail, withdraw, assault, withhold love and affection and gaslight their victims.
Love partners feel a lightened state of anxiety. There is ability to feel safe under these conditions. A great deal of focus is placed on the Narcissist. Good or bad attention it makes no difference. The narcissist is receiving attention and to him that makes him feel important. He feels powerful that he can affect another individual to such a degree. He also knows that he can control his love partner, because the more she focuses on what he is doing or isn't doing the more she loses her identity, her pastimes, her friends and her life. He has taken your light and you have become his darkness.
Continuing to focus on him will keep us stuck in negative energy and it will inhibit recovery.
We must stop focusing on the Narcissist and start focusing on ourselves. Find support and educate yourself why this is happening and realize why a Narcissist will never be able to provide you with the love you so deserve. This knowledge will be liberating. You will find it liberating once you realize that the Narcissists behavior had nothing to do with you.
A lot of times we are prisoners of our own mind. We will stay behind invisible bars as long as we fail to see things for what they are.
Learn to accept the fact that this was never about you. As a matter of fact it had nothing to do with you not being good enough, nor is it that you are unlovable. A Narcissist is incapable of loving anyone.
Give yourself time to heal. Mourn the loss and know that the pain will not last forever. The emotional damage that goes along with being involved with a narcissist takes time. Make sure you get support and be patient with yourself.
Remember that you have to put your own well being before anything else. Do not let your narcissistic partner drain the life out of you.
From most articles or books that I have read almost everyone recommend you to leave the relationship with a narcissistic person, especially if it is severe. Keeping your sanity in those cases is next to impossible. The Narcissist is an emotional vampire, feeding of the self-esteem of those around him.
He thrives on creating drama, which is inevitable blames his victims for.
If you realize that you are in a relationship with a Narcissist get out before you get badly hurt.
To Protect Yourself
How does one avoid encountering someone with narcissism? Always be very cautious with the pacing of dating and when entering into a new relationship. Exercise extreme caution when meeting up with a dating partner for the first several dates until you feel you know the individual. (always meet in public places).
If a dating partner attempts to rush the relationship, that is a red flag. Allow the connection to unfold slowly and observe to see if actions and words are matching up. An individual who respects your boundaries will work with you to slowly progress the relationship at a pace that is mutually agreed upon.
Sexual chemistry is not the same thing as healthy bonding and attachment. A healthy person will want to get to know your personality, dreams, and interests, and slowly evolve the relationship. An individual with narcissistic tendencies may also want to know all about you, but then may fake being your soul mate by rushing you into a relationship/marriage/cohabitation/business arrangements.
Karin Glannstam - Personal Success Coach
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