often pay a high price in the end."
- Dr. T.P. Chia
Last week I was taking the train from where I live to where I had to work that particular day.
Today you can buy a train ticket from a machine at the train station or you can get it online and show it on your cell phone when you get onboard the train.
I decided to get my ticket the old fashioned way. I actually went inside the little convenience store at the train station and bough it from a real person.
Often we want convenience in our lives and we want everything so fast so that we can keep on running to the next thing we must do.
I did what most people don't do.....I took some extra time and went inside the store and talked face to face with a real guy. He was a man with a great attitude and he laughed and actually joked with me. We had the most wonderful conversation for a few minutes and he made me laugh and smile.
Now would I have got this connection with a machine or online? What did it cost me?
Just a few extra minutes of my time and the willingness to be inconvenienced.
What did I gain?
A great conversation with a happy and funny person on the opposite end of the counter. Priceless!
Today we can also bank online. We don't need to talk to an actual person anymore. In the stores we now scan our own things that we are buying. No need to talk to a cashier anymore.
Soon we will walk around like robots constantly staring down at our cellphones.
We are super connected today. All these wonderful electronic devices that will allow us to stay connected 24/7 with practically anyone in the world.
Connected to what?
Our Facebook friends? Do you actually know more than a few of them?
How about the rest of social media.....Twitter, Instagram and LinkedIn just to name a few. Do you personally know any of these people? Or do you only know the image that they are presenting to the world?
Yes we might get a shot of dopamine when someone likes the photo we just posted on Instagram.
Or we feel really great when someone lets us know on FB that the dish we just made for dinner and took a photo of.....they would like the recipe.
And when we change our profile picture....people will let us know how pretty we are.
This rush of dopamine makes us feel seen and heard at the moment. It makes us feel validated and that people like us.
But as any addiction the feeling is short lived. And in the future your emptiness inside will crave more and more likes on social media to fill you up on the inside.
Unfortunately a lot of people are not taking the time to create meaningful relationships in real life anymore. It's easier to go online and to have a lot of fake friends on FB. We value ourselves based on how many followers on social media that we have.
People don't know how to have a conversation any longer. They don't know that it will take some time to form fulfilling and lasting relationships.
We are disconnected from others but we are also disconnected from true selves.
If you want something you can just go on Amazon and order it and it will arrive the next day. If you want some friends go on FB. If you want a date, just go to match.com and you will have one the same evening. We want things immediately and without having to do much work to get it. We can almost get anything by just pushing a button..... except one thing......
True honest connection with a live human being.
What will happen when you experience some stress in your life? Will your friends on social media be there for you? I am sure that they are willing to listen to you and help you out. Think again.
Who are you going turn to when life gets challenging and often stressful?
We used to turn to our parents for help or our friends. Maybe a neighbor or an acquaintance.
But nowadays we feel isolated, lonely and disconnected we will often turn to surfing the internet for some validation. Or we numb out and sooth our loneliness with other addictions like food, sugar, online gambling, online sex, online dating, shopping, smoking, drugs or drinking. These things will numb our emptiness for a while but soon we will crave some more and also higher doses of it.
Don't get me wrong I love my computer and my phone. I couldn't run my business without it. Technology is fantastic and it will allow us to do amazing things.
But too much of any good thing can eventually harm us.
Take exercising for example. Running or yoga are both great things. But too much can be harmful. It all comes down to the intention. Why are you doing it?
Are you running to escape yourself or are you running to improve your health?
Why are you working so much? Is it to escape an empty relationship at home and to get validation from your boss?
All I want to say is..... don't underestimate the power of human connection. A baby could not survive without it. Just because we grow up doesn't mean that we don't need to connect face to face and to form lasting relationships.....we do.
Human beings are wired for connection.
So the next time you are tempted to just sent an email or a text to a friend or family member....pick up the phone instead. Or even better decide to meet over a cup of coffee or dinner.....and if you do.....put away the phone and be present with the other person.
The greatest gift you can give to someone is your full attention.
And maybe next time that you need a ticket to ride the train....buy it from an actual person.
If you are lucky enough you might get the pleasure of buying the ticket from the same person that I did last week.
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