Are You a Workaholic?

                                                       "I turned into a workaholic
                                   to the point of where my health was in jeopardy."
                                                             - Tab Hunter


Are you addicted to work....are you a workaholic?

Addiction can either be to a substance or a behavior.

Addiction is any behavior you create that gives you some relief or pleasure and has negative consequences that you don´t give up despite the negative consequences in your life.

Are you addicted to work?

In this country people love to talk about all the work they do....how "busy" they are all the time.
How needed and how important they are at work.

I understand that we do have to work a lot but how much work is too much and when does it turn into an addiction?

You are addicted to work if you are ignoring your family, your marriage, your children, friendships and your own needs in order to get the satisfaction of being wanted by the people...... as a doctor, teacher, lawyer, realtor.... etc. " I am so important."

It is an addiction if it affects you family life, friendships, spiritual and physical health.


We can also use an addiction to justify another addiction.

Since I work so hard and long hours I deserve a couple of drinks when I get home.
Or I will stop at "Happy Hour" to relax before I go home.

Or since I make good money I can go on a shopping spree and spend several thousand dollars on shoes, clothes or electronics. Buy a bigger house or a bigger car.

I am working all the time so I can go out to eat dinner every evening. And lunch too.

Since I work so many hours I can relax in front of the TV or surfing the Internet for hours every evening when I get home from work.

You are now using one addiction to justify the other addictions.
The addictive brain is very clever.

 

Karin Glannstam - Personal Success Coach

www.karinglannstam.com

Are You Using Addiction as a Surrogate For Your True Calling in Life?

                             "The desire to create is one of the deepest yearnings
                                                     of the human soul."
                                                   - Dieter F. Uchtdorf


Addiction is something we do in the moment. Joy or pleasure. It is temporary an escape. It will never lead to lasting happiness. The pleasure is only for the moment.

Addiction is any behavior that you create that give you some relief or pleasure and also has negative consequences. But you don´t give it up despite the negative consequences in your life.

Addiction can be a substance like cigarettes, drugs or alcohol.
Or it can be a behavior like shopping, gambling, watching TV, web surfing, sex or facebooking.

You can go after anything addicting even healthy things like exercising, yoga or spirituality.
These healthy behaviors only become addictive if they are an escape from yourself and doing them while ignoring other important needs, your family or other relationships.
Then they will become an addiction.

You are going after a particular experience. A special outcome - a feeling  - expectation.



Addiction can also be a surrogate for our true calling in life.
We are truly afraid to go after what we really want in life.

Why?
Because to follow our true calling requires us to step into the light. To take chances. Risk the chance of failure. Being judged by others. Not feeling good enough.

To follow our true calling requires a lot of work. It´s not easy and it will probably hurt. It demands us to step out of our comfort zone and we will risk exposure.

So instead we choose a career that isn´t our own choice. It is what our parents wanted us to do.

We stay on a job that we dislike, that doesn't lead us to anything and it won´t make us grow - because it will give us security.

We stay in soul-sucking relationships - instead of leaving the relationship for something different that will truly feed our soul.

We know we want adventure in life - but instead we settle for a quiet lifestyle that will slowly make our soul wither away.


Maybe you are living in the past or dreaming about the future, while failing to do the work that is required to progress in the present.

Now instead of doing what you know you "must" do. You escape from yourself and your life for a while with some type of addiction. At least while using some substance or doing a certain behavior - for the moment you won´t feel the pain.
But it´s temporary.
The feeling won´t last.

What is addiction doing for you?

Why are you self-soothing?

Why don't you want to be yourself at this moment?

 

Karin Glannstam - Personal Success Coach

www.karinglannstam.com

Are You Trying to Solve a Problem With Addiction?

                      "Addiction is a secondary problem that comes out of a primary problem.
                               So when we put all the emphasis on the secondary problem
                                       but don´t pay any attention to the primary one,
                                                then how can we possible succeed?"



What do you think about when you see or hear the word addiction?

A person smoking, drinking, doing drugs, gambling, overeating or shopping to much?

Did you know that the addiction isn´t the real problem?

Addiction is actually a way that a person is trying to solve a problem.

People try to solve a problem with addiction but in trying to do so they are creating an even bigger problem.

Addiction is a distraction
A distraction for not wanting to be yourself for a while. .
People are so uncomfortable with themselves and through distracting themselves for a while they don´t have to be themselves, or to think about what is going on in their lives.
An escape or a way to self-sooth.

No one is born an addict.
Addiction goes back to suffering and the suffering usually goes back to early childhood.
Addiction reflects some childhood distress and that is why people self- sooth.
People are finding relief in the addiction.


What is addiction?

Any behavior you create that gives you some type of relief or pleasure and that also have negative consequences.
It´s a behavior that you continue to do despite the negative consequences in your life.

Addiction can be either substance abuse or an addictive behavior.

What are some addictive behaviors....
working too much, overeating, gambling, too much shopping, sex, web surfing, too much TV, compulsive texting, sexting, twittering, Face booking or constantly being on the cell phone with people.

There are things that are healthy for you but they can turn into something unhealthy if you do it as an escape or distraction.
Physical exercise, yoga, religion or spirituality are a few examples.


Why do people get addicted?
Drugs, alcohol, cigarettes, shopping, sex or gambling is not addictive in itself.......or we would all be addicted.

Relief form their suffering. When we suffer too much to be ourselves we want to disconnect through some form of self- soothing behavior or substance.


The first step in healing any addiction is to recognize that we have a problem.

When we reconnect with ourselves we will be able to get rid of the addictive behavior

Be compassionate with yourself.

Be curious .... learn as much as you can.

Learn how you got there. People are usually acting out what happened to them.

Get clear on what happened in the past with your parents, siblings, friends or teachers.
Understand that these people might have hurt you but that they didn´t do it deliberately. They gave you all that they had to give. If they would have had more they would have given it to you.
They did the best that they could with what their parents had taught and given to them.

Awareness and  understanding.
When you understand.... you forgive. It happens automatically.

Find supportive environments. It is hard to do this on your own.
Support groups.
Find people who understand you and what you and going through. People who you can trust and seek their support when you are stressed.
Create some structure in your life.


Addiction is about soothing threats.
That is why when we are more stressed we will go for addiction,
In recovery and self connecting with self we must find functional ways in dealing with stress...because stress is going to happen and it is all around us.

Check your level of stress around you.
The more stressed you are - the more likely you will be to reach for some kind of addiction.
How many stresses are you taking on right now?

The more you stress people - the more they cling to their addiction.

Figure out what is triggering you.
Look at the issue of what is making you addicted in the first place.

When you have recognized you have a problem - try to stay away from stimuli.

If you like to shop - then make a conscious effort to stay away from going to stores or looking on-line.
If you have problem with alcohol - stay away from parties and stay away from friends that will pull you back into drinking.

When you are getting triggered - make a habit of telling someone.
Call a trusted friend and tell them about what is going on, instead of hiding it.

When you bring it into the light or in the open  - you will help diminish it.
When you keep something in the dark it will continue to grow and wreck havoc in your life.

                                            Karin Glannstam - Personal Success Coach
                                                            www.karinglannstam.com

Don´t Stress Out About Things You Cannot Control

                                          "Remember that we get whatever we focus on.
                                             Rather that dwelling on what you don´t want,
                                                    clearly articulate what you do want."
                                                               - Anthony Robbins


Where do you spend your time, your emotions and your focus?

Are you doing things that are urgent or important?

Make sure that you are you spending your time, emotions and your focus on things you can control?
Not on things you cannot control?

There is one thing that you can absolutely control....YOURSELF and what you focus on and what you feel inside.

You get to determine what you feel inside, no matter what is going on, or what someone says or does in your life.

There is nothing in your life that you are going to feel that you are not creating, and that you can´t change immediately....if you want to.

What is another thing that you can control.....YOUR ATTITUDE about something.
You can control what things mean to you.

The weather, events and other people are out of your control. And stressing about it won´t make it any better.

Another thing that you can´t control is THE PAST.
You can´t control it and you can´t change it! So stop wasting time on it.

It doesn´t matter how stressful your past was, you can never change it. Since you can´t change the past why would you spend any time there?

If you stay in the past, you will become stressed - major stress and it will keep you from being in the present and it will prevent you from important things that matter to you in a positive way.

Spend your time on what you can control.....yourself and your attitude.
Focus on what matters to you and stay away form spending time in the past.
Learn from the past. Use the past as a school...... but then move on.

Do not stress out about things you can´t control or change.

                                              Karin Glannstam - Personal Success Coach
                                                           www.karinglannstam.com

Are You Missing a Clear Vision in Your Life?

                                       "A vision is not just a picture of what could be;
                       it is an appeal to our better selves, a call to become something more."
                                                    - Rosabeth Moss Kanter


Most people are missing a clear vision on what they want in life.

Create a vision or a desired outcome in every area of your life.

Business/work
Intimate relationships/family
Finances
Health/wellbeing/vitality
Spirituality
Relax/time off
Fun/entertainment


Vision - What do you want?

Purpose - Why do you want it?

Action - What are you going to do to make it happen?


Have a flexible plan or goals.
If one plan doesn´t work, make sure you try another one.
And if that ones doesn´t work either....figure out a different one.
Don´t give up.

The way you go about something ....like accomplishing a goal can change.
But the ultimate vision - or your desired outcome will not change.

Never ever give up on your vision - Just try another strategy to get there.

Create options.
Make sure you have different choices.
Create an Action-list.

                                           Karin Glannstam - Personal Success Coach
                                                         www.karinglannstam.com

Are You a Reflection of What Other People Want You to Be?

                                                     Some people are going to leave,
                                                   but that´s not the end of your story.
                                                 That´s the end of their part in your story.


Have you ever been a reflection of what other people wanted you to be?

Have you ever been in a relationship with someone that didn´t allow you to be yourself?

In order to get love or even any attention you had to give yourself up.
You had to perform and be a certain way to be accepted.

You were trained to give yourself up.
And if you stood up for yourself , you got in trouble.

A lot of times we choose a romantic partner in life who has similar energy to one of our parents.
The parent we have the most difficult time with and then we try to get our romantic partner to love us the way we were never loved growing up by this particular parent.

This is a losing battle.

If you have to give yourself up in any romantic relationship in order to get love, the love will eventually die anyway...because it´s not love.

If you have to give yourself  up....it is never love.

If this has happened to you in the past or maybe you are in a relationship right now where you are giving yourself up.... try to learn from it.

Are you trying to get the love from someone right now...that you didn´t get from your parent(s)?
Are you always abandoning yourself and are you afraid to speak up because you are afraid that your partner will get angry and leave you?

Tip!
Be compassionate with yourself.
Be open to learning. Understand why you abandon yourself in your relationship(s).

After you learn and understand..... 
you won´t pick someone that will expect you to give yourself up and you won´t be willing to abandon yourself either in order to get love and attention.

                                             Karin Glannstam - Personal Success Coach
                                                             www.karinglannstam.com

Make Sure Your Activities Feed Your Soul

                                                       "The soul, like the body,
                                                       lives by what it feeds on."
                                                             - J. G. Holland


Are you spending time on one or maybe even several activities that doesn´t give you the juice that it used to do?

Is it worth to continue doing this particular activity(s)?

Is it stealing some of your time? Taking away valuable time that would be of better used on a different activity?

Get rid of the stuff that doesn´t have a real purpose in your life. The stuff that doesn´t give you the juice it once did.

Get rid of things that doesn´t have the outcome that relates to what you truly want.


Great Questions to ponder on!

What is something I do that I don´t want to do that I have done for a long time?
Something that will not take me to where I want to go in life?
What am I focusing on that doesn´t serve me anymore?

Activity without purpose is a drain on your soul, your fulfillment, your spirit, your relationships and also your body.

If you do an activity day in and day out that won´t take you in the direction of your dream(s) and if you are not getting the desired outcome that you are looking for....stop doing it!

Don´t do something just to look "busy" to other people. Don´t do it because someone else wants you to do it. Don´t do something to fit in and don´t do something so you can get approval and attention from others.
Don´t mistake movement for achievement.

Make sure that what you are doing feeds your soul.

Karin Glannstam - Personal Success Coach

www.karinglannstam.com

Learning How to Focus is a Major Key to Success in Life

                                  "One reason so few of us achieve what we truly want
                                                 is that we never direct our focus;
                                                  we never concentrate our power.
                                          Most people dabble their way through life,
                                       never deciding to master anything in particular."
                                                           - Anthony Robbins


Focus on what you want - not what you fear.

What you fear and focus on ......you will get more of.

You must focus on the direction that you want to go.

Learning how to focus is a major key to success in life. Our mind will constantly wander and if we don´t learn to focus, our thought will be all over the place. Most of the time we will focus on the things that we don´t want in our lives. The things that we are fearful of.

If you are in debt, you will probably focus most of your time on how you will be able to pay the bills. You will feel scared about the future and afraid that you will go broke.
Instead try to figure out a way that you can earn more money. Evaluate your spending habits. Maybe you can sell some things that you really don´t need. Start to pay more attention to all your purchases. Change the way you spend your money. Start saving.

If you are in a toxic relationship you will probably focus on all the drama that is going on. Instead try to find a solution on how to make it better for you by... maybe leave the relationship. Read a couple of books on how to work on yourself to become stronger, mentally, emotionally and physically. Talk to a therapist or a coach that can help you sort through things.

If you are in job situation that isn´t working.  Instead of focusing on how terrible your boss and you coworkers are. Maybe you can try to figure out a way to learn a new skill so that you will be able to apply for a better job in the future that will better fit you. Focus on how you can grow as an individual. Take the focus on the people "out there" and start to focus on how you can better yourself.

Learn to shift your focus from what isn´t working to what is actually working in your life.
Focus on what you want.

It may take a little effort to do this in the beginning. Because a lot of us have focused all our mental energy on what isn´t working in our lives.
And a lot of times we don´t have a clue on what we actually want.


Start asking yourself better questions.
The questions you ask yourself control what you focus on.

How can I make it better?

What must I start to focus on today that will make my life better?

How can I create some better results in my life?

What specific action do I need to take to make things happen?

What am I focusing on that doesn´t serve me?

What is something that I really want for my life?

What is something that I do that I don´t want to do, that I have done for a long time?

What is my outcome?

What do I want?

Why do I want it?

A lot of people will ask...."What is wrong with me?"
This is a very lousy and disempowering question. Don´t ever ask that question.
There isn´t anything wrong with you.
You just need to shift you focus and learn to ask better questions.

                                             Karin Glannstam - Personal Success Coach
                                                        www.karinglannstam.com

Do You Know How to Validate Yourself?

                                           When you depend on people to build you up,
                                         they´ll have the same power to break you down.
                                      You don´t need their validation to know your worth.



From the time that we are born, we need validation. Loving parents will offer consistent validation for their children. Parents validate their children's feelings, perceptions, their gifts, talents, their interests, kindness and their intuition.
If you received this from your parents you are very fortunately.

Unfortunately most parents didn´t validate their children feelings because they didn´t know how to validate their own feelings and perceptions.

And since your parents didn´t validate themselves and you. You probably don´t know how to validate yourself and you probably don´t even know that it is your responsibility to do this for yourself.

I did receive very little validation from my own parents as I was growing up . Since my parents didn´t know how to validate themselves I had no idea on how to do it. It was impossible for me to do because I didn´t know how. For a long time I allowed other people to determine my worth and I was relying on their validation. I don´t do that anymore.

Are you dependent for your own sense of worth..... on others approval and validation?

Do you hand that job over to other people?

If you do..... it will create a lot of anxiety and unhappiness in your life.

It is absolutely necessary to validate ourselves for us to be happy, peaceful and to feel a sense of security and worth and to be able to have loving relationships with others.

So how to we validate ourselves?

Self-judgment. Pay attention to how much you judge yourself. It is very common for a lot of people to judge themselves. Many of us were judged as we were growing up and we learn to judge ourselves rather than value ourselves.
Self-judgment will create a lot of insecurity and inner pain and it is the opposite of valuing ourselves.
As long as you continue to judge yourself you will continue to feel badly.

Feelings. Pay attention to your feelings. They are your inner guidance and your inner knowing. Pay attention to your own acts of kindness toward others and yourself and value them. At our core we are beautiful beings. Unfortunately most of us don´t value our own beautiful inner being. Instead we value ourselves and others by their achievements, looks and what other people think of us.
Instead of judging your feelings, tend to them. All feelings have information. What is this feeling trying to tell me?

Learn to trust your inner knowing. Learn to trust what is right and what is wrong for you. Don´t allow other people to decide for you.
When you trust  and decide for yourself you will start to feel more powerful on the inside.

Be kind to others and to yourself. Value yourself for your kindness. When you start to do this you will start to feel happy with yourself.

Take loving action on your own behalf. Decide on what is a really loving action to you. What is in your highest good
Loving actions can be eating well, getting enough sleep and exercise, speaking up for yourself with others - without blame, creating a balance between work and play, getting rid of toxic people and relationships and moving yourself toward work you love and so on.

Self-validation starts with being present in your own body. Being present with your own feelings. Welcoming your feelings, learning the information and not judging yourself.
Be open to learning what your feelings are telling you.

If you take theses steps you will soon discover that you will be feeling better about yourself and that you will need less and less validation from others.
You will naturally validate yourself.

 

Karin Glannstam - Personal Success Coach

www.karinglannstam.com

How to Create a New You!

                                              If you are brave enough to say "good bye"
                                                life will reward you with a new "hello"
                                                                  - Paulo Coelho


When you are trying to create a new you....it doesn´t matter if it's trying to loose weight, stop drinking, getting out of debt, stop gambling or slow down with the shopping.
It is important that you leave the old YOU behind.

Leave the old habits behind.

Leave the old disciplines or lack of disciplines behind.

Leave the old friends behind (at least for a while to make sure they don´t pull you back into your old habits)

Leave the old way of thinking behind.

Leave the old way of being behind.

When we are trying to change something in our lives we must trade the old ways of living for some new ways.

You can´t take the old YOU with you when you are trying to accomplish something new in your life.

The old habits will not work when you are trying to accomplish some new goals.
You must create a few new habits.

Habits are hard to change. Some of you habits might have been part of your life for 20, 30, 40 or even more years.

To become a new and different person requires you to step out of your comfort zone.
You must learn to do a few new things. Create new habits and also a new way of being.

Only you can make it happen. You are responsible for the change. No on will do it for you.

People around you will get scared when you start to change.
They will be afraid that you might not have time for them anymore.
Maybe you won´t have time to sit around anymore and talk about nothing.
They are afraid that you might leave them.

The old is easy and familiar and the new is scary and uncomfortable.

Set a goal that will make you expand and grow.
It is not what you are getting when you are trying to reach your goal. It is who you are becoming in the process that truly matters.

So go for it!

All you need is a vision and then the will to make it happen.

 

 

Karin Glannstam - Personal Success Coach

www.karinglannstam.com

Are You Always Saying YES to Others?

                      "Half the troubles in this life can be traced to saying yes too quickly
                                               and not saying no soon enough."
                                                           - Josh Billings


Are you afraid of the consequences if you say NO to someone?

Are you a YES-person?

Every time someone is asking you to do something, you are always saying yes......even if you don´t want to do it? You actually want to say NO!

Why do you always say yes to people?

Are you afraid that if you say no to someone..... they will get upset with you?

Are you telling yourself that you don´t want to upset people because you are actually afraid that they won´t like you anymore?
And maybe they will actually walk away and leave you if you say no to them?

I have news for you....if you are afraid that the people that you say no to will walk away and leave you.........let them.
If the only reason they are hanging out with you is because you always say yes to them, they are not worth keeping around.

A true friend doesn´t mind that you tell them no. They will understand and they won´t get mad and leave you over it.


Tip!

Admit  what you really want. If you want to say no.....say NO!

Learn to control your fear of the consequences if you start saying no to people.

It will take a little time to get used to saying no. But you will get the hang of it soon.



The longer you wait to start to say no...... the more pain you will feel yourself.
In the end you will feel much better about yourself for speaking up for what you really want.

Be true to yourself. If someone wants to leave.......let them.
You will be just fine!

New friends will show up in your life. True friends that don´t care if you tell them no, if you don´t want to do something.

Make sure that when you say yes to others....... that you are not saying no to yourself.

                                         Karin Glannstam - Personal Success Coach
                                                     www.karinglannstam.com