You Teach People How To Treat You

                         "You teach people how to treat you by what you allow,

                                         what you stop and what you reinforce."

                                                                     - Tony Gaskin

                    

We are never responsible for another person's behavior. We don't have control over what they say and do.

But we do have control over our own reaction and what we do and say.

So if a person in your life isn't treating you with the respect that you deserve, you might want to make a few decisions.

Do you want the behavior from this person to continue?
Or do you want to do something about it? 

Be careful what you tolerate. 

You are teaching people how to treat you.

If you do want to make a change, you might first want to take a look at yourself and ask.....

Am I doing something to trigger this behavior in this person?
Or why am I allowing this behavior to continue without me saying STOP!

By not doing anything about the situation, says something about you.
Why are you allowing this person to continue to disrespect you?

"If I am not good to myself,

 how can I expect anyone else to be good to me."
- Maya Angelou

Maybe you are afraid that if you speak your mind this person doesn't want to be friends with you anymore?

If you start saying "NO" to a person that you are romantically involved with, you might fear that the person will walk away from the relationship. So to remain in the relationship you will tolerate that he/she disrespects you.

You are afraid to speak up at work or in a meeting, because you fear that might lose your job or that your co-workers won't like you?

Don't let someone get comfortable with disrespecting you.

Or maybe you might even enjoy feeling wronged, because then you will have a story to tell everyone?

There is a payoff in everything that we do.

But if you want change... if you want to see a different result, then you need to teach people how to treat you.

You have control over you.
This is great because now you are the one who has been allowing others to disrespect you, but now you can change that.


 "I teach people how to treat me
 by what I will allow."
- Stephen Covey

Is it time to examine what you tolerate?

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Healthy Living

         The best investment you will ever make is in your own health

I know I have talked about this before but have you noticed that the world seem to be upside-down. A lot of things have changed dramatically during theses past 4 years. It's easy to focus on all the craziness that is going on. It's easy to feel upset, depressed, angry and sad when we are noticing what is happening all around the world.

Since we do have control over what we focus on and where our attention goes, I just want to mention that since a lot of things seems to be out of control, I believe that taking control of our overall health and wellbeing is very important right now. If you are already doing this... Fantastic!!! And if you are not... NOW is the perfect time to start.
It's always easier to deal with things /people/events around us if  we have a strong body and a strong mind.

How can we get stronger and healthier?
First we start with what goes in our body and on our body.
We have control over what we eat and what we drink every day. We also have control over the the products we use in out home. All kinds of personal hygiene products, make-up, cleaning products, air-fresheners, laundry-detergent, scented candles just to name a few. 

When you buy a product to use in your home, have you ever read the label to find out if the product you are buying is toxic to your health? Most people never even look at the labels before they buy something and unfortunately a lot of the everyday products we use a very toxic to us. How about the food and the drinks you buy... do you ever read the labels before you buy something to make sure is okay for you to consume?

You cannot buy your health, you must earn it through healthy living.

Here are a few tips!
Read the labels before you buy something. If you can't pronounce something it probably isn't good for you. If you are not sure what the ingredients mean, go online and do your own research. Your health is important make sure you find out the facts!

Start cooking at home. At least you know what the ingredients are when you get in the kitchen and cook your own meals. When you dine out you have no idea what goes into to your food. And stay away from FAST food places. They are not cooking anything there that your body needs.

Alcohol isn't good for you. Not even a glass of red wine is good for you.  Alcohol is poison. Why would you pay money to poison your body and jeopardize your overall health?

Let's tackle  coffee next. Guess what... coffee is also a poison and you should not drink it. I know you might not agree with me but you can do your own research and find out for yourself if you are a coffee drinker. I will also mention the energy drinks that are very popular with a lot of people... NOT good for you. I have to include tea here too. Tea isn't good for you either. Personally I love hot tea. I had to give it up and in the future I will only drink tea occasionally.

Sugar... I think we all know by now that sugar is not something that we should eat too much of. Of course we can allow ourselves something sweet once in a while, but not every day. Always check the labels because there are a lot of hidden sugar in many products that we buy each and every day. Stay away from sodas, they are loaded with sugar and of course other unhealthy ingredients. Start checking the labels and you will be astonished of what you will find inside some of the items you consume and use every day.

It's time to start eating REAL and natural food. No more fake foods with toxic ingredients that will damage your body and your mind. And yes you can live without McDonalds, Burger King, Starbucks and your favorite wine or beer. Stay away from processed foods and try to buy organic as much as possible.

If you are a smoker, NOW will be a good time to quit.

Love yourself enough to live a healthy lifestyle.

It's Time To Take Control Of Your Own Health!
Are You Ready?

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Never Let Go Of Your Dreams

                                 "Dare to live the life you have dreamed for yourself. 

                                     Go forward and make your dreams come true." 

                                                            - Ralph Waldo Emerson

 

Have you ever talked yourself out of what we really want?

I have done this several times.

Why do we do this?

A lot of times it can be old beliefs and old feelings associated with our dream.
They will pop up in our mind and mess with us and with our self-esteem.
Things like past failures and doubts that we will ever be able to accomplish what we really want.

Can you remember how many times in your life that you have abandoned something that was important to you because of feelings like......

It is way too hard
There is not enough support
Not enough time or money to make my dream happen
People won´t like me if I pursue my dream
I am afraid to be too visible and to show the world who I am
I am too old... or too young
I don´t know the right people
I can´t learn the skills I need to have to pursue my dream

How many excuses have you heard yourself use in your lifetime?
How many times have you abandon your new ideas?
How many dreams have fallen by the wayside? 

"Cherish your visions and dreams as they are the children of your soul, 

the blueprint of your ultimate achievements."

 - Napoleon Hill 

Now this is not about judging yourself and your past.
This is about starting fresh, no matter what has gone on before.
It is about trying something new.
It is about letting go of your old beliefs and not to allow them to interfere or stop you.

The first thing you need to do is.......
To visualize your desired outcome.
What do you really... really... really want?
Can you actually see what it is that you want for yourself and your life? 

"A dream is your creative vision for your life in the future." 

- Dennis Waitly 

To be able to do this process you most likely need to spend some time alone.
Listen to your inner voice or dialogue.
Not the one that tells you to get busy and the one that keeps pushing you to look "out there".

Have some alone time and focus on your dream.
Spending time alone will start the process of discovering or re-discovering your dream.

Make sure you carve out some quit-time for yourself every day. Even if it´s only 5 minutes.
Increase little by little.

You don't need to fill your life and your precious time with people or activities that undermine or sabotage your dream. 

"Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. 

Live the life you have imagined for yourself." 

- Henry David Thoreau

Just remind yourself that you deserve to live your dream.
You deserve to feel whole and empowered.
You are enough.

A heart without dreams is like a bird without feathers.

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There Is A Price To Pay For Most Of Our Actions

                                  "It is unreasonable to think we can earn rewards
                                          without being willing to pay the true price.
                                              It is always our choice whether or not
                                         we wish to pay the price for life's rewards."
                                                                         - Epictetus

As human beings we all have the power of choice in our lives. 

We can control our future, today, months, weeks, days, to take the right action every day that will move us one step closer to our goals and what we desire for our future and our life. Or we can decide to do nothing, which is also a choice.

One important thing... we must make the right choices that will move us along on our path to success. We can never allow anyone else to choose for us.

You and I must decide for ourselves. Never turn over that responsibility to someone else or you will end up living someone else's plan for your life and I don't believe that will make anyone happy. 

"Success is never on discount." 

- Eric Thomas

The sooner you realize that your success is your own personal responsibility and to rely mostly on yourself, the sooner you will be free.
Remember... you can change anything right now in your life, that you don't like. Make the decision to change and start to take a few action steps in the direction you have decided to move.

No one is going to do things for us. 

We choose our behaviors, our values, our habits, our friends, our reference group, who and what we listen to, what we read, what we focus on most of the time and our attitudes. 

We can choose the easy way out... or the hard way in. 

"The price of anything is the amount of life you exchange for it." 

- Henry David Thoreau

 Your life is your choice.

Are you doing the best you can with your given gifts?

Are you creating the life  that you have the potential to do?

Are you listening to the right voices? And reading the right books?

Are you choosing safety, security and mediocrity instead of venturing out in the unknown and discover what you are actually capable of doing?

Have you accepted the status quo?

Are you choosing the right friends and reference group?

Will you go through life accepting that you can't change anything and being part of the masses striving for living in their comfort zones?

Are you curious? Are you willing to learn? Are you asking enough questions? You will learn by asking new questions.

Life rewards those who brave the stormiest skies.

                                                               www.karinglannstam.com

Outgrowing The Old You

                                                       You've outgrown the old you. 

                You're uncomfortable because your old life doesn't fit you anymore.

A common problem that happens to a lot of people when they change, grow, become more empowered and successful, a lot of people around them won´t like it.

They want you to remain the same. Be just like the them.
When you become successful at something, unfortunately a lot of your old friends will become envious.
Maybe you remind them of something that they should do for themselves. Maybe they have tried to do what you now are doing, without success and they can´t accept that you were able to do it.
That you were able to succeed.

When we change and grow as individuals a few things in our lives will happen.

1. Either people and friends around us will find it interesting, but they don´t want to change.
    But it is OK that we have changed.
2. They don´t like our change and they don´t want to be around us any more.
     So they leave. At least for right now.
3. They like what they see in us and they also want to learn, grow and change.

Now what each individual is willing to do is up to them.
We can not tell them what to do.

It's okay to outgrow people, places and things. Keep moving forward.

All we can do is to continue on our own path and hope some of our friends will follow.
But if they don´t we must not be afraid to let go of a few friends .
There will be more along the way that might be a better match for us and where we are in life.
And hopefully after a while the old friend(s) will come along.

But if they don´t we must keep on going.
Don´t fall back into the old way again because it will never work for you.
Once you have grown and gotten bigger you will not be willing to go back to living the small life again. You simply won´t fit in it.
It´s like wearing clothes that you outgrew several years ago. They won´t fit you anymore.

It's okay if you don't fit into your old life anymore.

The truth is that as we would love for our friends to follow but they seldom do.
They remain stuck. And until they are willing to change and grow there is nothing that we can do.
The faster we recognize this the happier we will be.

We just have to lead by example. Continue on our new path.
New exciting friend will eventually appear.
Any maybe some of your old friends will eventually follow.
But never under any circumstances should you go back to living the small and dis-empowering life again.

Keep on walking your new path.

Don't feel bad for outgrowing people. They had the  chance to grow too and they didn't. 

 

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Be An Active Listener

                                  Every good conversation starts with good listening

The most valuable gift we can give someone is our undivided attention and being able to be an active listener.
So how do we do this? 

The biggest communication problem is we do not listen to understand. 

We listen to reply.

Active listening is the practice of preparing to listen, observing what verbal and non-verbal messages are being sent, and then providing appropriate feedback for the sake of showing attentiveness to the message being presented. Active listening is listening on purpose. Active listening is fully being in engaged while another person is talking to you. It is listening with the intent to understand the other person fully, rather than listening to respond.  

"You can not truly listen to anyone and do anything else at the same time." 

- M. Scott peck

Rule #1

Listen without interrupting. When someone wants to talk to you, you must put aside all distractions. Turn off the TV, computor or radio. Put down the newspaper and turn off your cell phone. Face the other person directly and concentrate 100% on what the other person is saying.


Rule #2

Pause before replying. Take a few seconds to carefully consider what the other person has said. When you pause you are avoiding the risk of interrupting the other person if he/she is just reformulating their thoughts.


Rule #3

Never assume that you you know what the other person is thinking or feeling. If you are unclear simply ask "can you explain some more?" or "how do you mean?" when you are seeking clarity you are demonstrating to the other person that you really care about what he/she is saying and also that you are interested in understanding how the other person thinks and feels.


Rule #4

Is for you to feed back what the other person has said. This is where you are letting the other person know that you are paying attention. When you repeat back what the other person has just said, in your own words, you prove to him/her that you were really listening. "did I hear you right, when you said?" 

"Listening is an art that requires attention over talent, 

spirit over ego, others over self." 

- Dean Jackson

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You Never Look Good By Making Someone Else Look Bad

                                           "Strong people don't put others down. 

                                                                 They lift them up." 

                                                               - Michael P. Watson 

What Would You Do?  

If you had the tallest building in New York City for a while... but after you built your building several other builders built taller buildings than yours... what would you do to yet again have the tallest building?

A. You start tearing down all the buildings that are taller than yours.
You might get away with tearing down the first one but sooner or later someone will discover what you are up to and they will start guarding their buildings and telling you to not come around their building. They know what you are up to.

B. You could add more stories to your building or build a brand new one.
You focus on what you can do to create what you want instead of tearing down what other people have build or accomplished.

I know I would go for B.
It would involve more work on my part but in the end I would be proud of what I created myself and I know that I didn't create it by pushing or pulling someone else down. 

The above example might not be such a great one, but what I am trying to get to is that in life often people will rather tear down someone else or something that someone else has created instead of focus on what they themselves are capable of creating for themselves, in their own life.
It seems like it is easier to pull someone down than it is to pull yourself up.

Some people will become jealous or envious if someone else have what they themselves want.
Since someone else has what they want then there won't be enough for them. They will never be able to have it. This is a lack-mentality. Since you have it... they must take it from you instead of creating it for themselves.

There is plenty for all. If you are willing to work for it you can have it too.
This is a abundant-mentality.

Sometimes people try to expose what is wrong with you, because the can't handle what is right with you.

Maybe someone has a lot of energy, they are happy and they live a healthy lifestyle. Automatically some people will get jealous of that and they will try to do things or talk bad about this person because they themselves lack energy, health and happiness in their own life. They have in other words chosen example A.
They tear into someone else, trying to bring them down to their own level. Or they try to take away what this person has so they can have it themselves.

Instead they can choose B... a much smarter approach. They can ask the person that is healthy, happy and energetic how they are able to create this in their life. Realizing that they can also create this in their own life. But of course that will require some changes in their own life and some work on their part.

If there is someone that you admire with someone or maybe they created something that you would like to have... find out how they did it.
Ask them how they created the life and the habits that you want and then you model them and you can live like this person. 

"Don't push others down to reach the top, instead pull yourself up!" 

- Rishi Rishi

It doesn't matter if it has to do with money, wealth, a great career, great relationships, happiness, health & vitality or a lot of energy. If you got it... some people want it and sometimes they will try to take it from you or they will try to tear you down to get to what they want. And if they can't have it, they don't want you to have it either.

Don't use that approach. Instead ask or find out how this person created great wealth in their life, or how they have such a happy marriage, how they have such a high energy level, how they were able to create a business career or how they can remain so peaceful and calm no matter what is going on in the world.

Just remember that you can never pull yourself up by tearing down others.
If you want to pull yourself up... you have to do the work yourself.

"You never look good,

 trying to make someone else look bad."
- Unknown

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Self - Confidence is a Super Power

                                                                    Self - Confidence 

                                The foundation of all great success and achievement

Have you ever wondered where confidence comes from?

It comes from knowing that you will be able to handle things... no mater what!

Have you ever allowed fear to stop you from take a leap of faith and trying something new?
Maybe creating a new dream or vision for your life?
I know I have!
Uncertainty is scary and it usually stops us dead in our tracks from pursuing our dream or vision. 

Confidence - is something you create within yourself by believing in who you are.

Have you ever had these kind thoughts?

If I pursue my dream... what will my friends and family think?
Am I good enough to succeed at this?
What about if I fail?
How am I going to pay the bills?
Am I too old/young to make this happen?
What if this happens?


                          "Confidence doesn't come when you have all the answers.
                          But it comes when you are ready to face all the questions."


The need for security will keep us stuck in our comfort zones and it will slowly suck the life out of our souls. We are so worried about changing our lives, so afraid of the unknown that we often will miss out on great opportunities to better our lives.

Fear comes from not knowing if we will be able to handle things.

A lot of times we feel like security comes from having material things.

We are spending so much time making money so that we can acquire material things... when we instead should focus on our ability to handle things. 

"The best way to gain self-confidence is to do what you are afraid to do." 

- Unknown 

Invest in yourself. Work your confidence muscle. The bigger your confidence muscle gets the more secure you will feel that you will be able to handle anything that life throws at you.

Be courageous... take the leap of faith... and start building that confidence muscle.
It probably needs a workout! 

"Avoid negative people at all costs. 

They are the greatest destroyers of self-confidence and self-esteem." 

- Brian Tracy

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