Outgrowing The Old You

                                                       You've outgrown the old you. 

                You're uncomfortable because your old life doesn't fit you anymore.

A common problem that happens to a lot of people when they change, grow, become more empowered and successful, a lot of people around them won´t like it.

They want you to remain the same. Be just like the them.
When you become successful at something, unfortunately a lot of your old friends will become envious.
Maybe you remind them of something that they should do for themselves. Maybe they have tried to do what you now are doing, without success and they can´t accept that you were able to do it.
That you were able to succeed.

When we change and grow as individuals a few things in our lives will happen.

1. Either people and friends around us will find it interesting, but they don´t want to change.
    But it is OK that we have changed.
2. They don´t like our change and they don´t want to be around us any more.
     So they leave. At least for right now.
3. They like what they see in us and they also want to learn, grow and change.

Now what each individual is willing to do is up to them.
We can not tell them what to do.

It's okay to outgrow people, places and things. Keep moving forward.

All we can do is to continue on our own path and hope some of our friends will follow.
But if they don´t we must not be afraid to let go of a few friends .
There will be more along the way that might be a better match for us and where we are in life.
And hopefully after a while the old friend(s) will come along.

But if they don´t we must keep on going.
Don´t fall back into the old way again because it will never work for you.
Once you have grown and gotten bigger you will not be willing to go back to living the small life again. You simply won´t fit in it.
It´s like wearing clothes that you outgrew several years ago. They won´t fit you anymore.

It's okay if you don't fit into your old life anymore.

The truth is that as we would love for our friends to follow but they seldom do.
They remain stuck. And until they are willing to change and grow there is nothing that we can do.
The faster we recognize this the happier we will be.

We just have to lead by example. Continue on our new path.
New exciting friend will eventually appear.
Any maybe some of your old friends will eventually follow.
But never under any circumstances should you go back to living the small and dis-empowering life again.

Keep on walking your new path.

Don't feel bad for outgrowing people. They had the  chance to grow too and they didn't. 

 

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Be An Active Listener

                                  Every good conversation starts with good listening

The most valuable gift we can give someone is our undivided attention and being able to be an active listener.
So how do we do this? 

The biggest communication problem is we do not listen to understand. 

We listen to reply.

Active listening is the practice of preparing to listen, observing what verbal and non-verbal messages are being sent, and then providing appropriate feedback for the sake of showing attentiveness to the message being presented. Active listening is listening on purpose. Active listening is fully being in engaged while another person is talking to you. It is listening with the intent to understand the other person fully, rather than listening to respond.  

"You can not truly listen to anyone and do anything else at the same time." 

- M. Scott peck

Rule #1

Listen without interrupting. When someone wants to talk to you, you must put aside all distractions. Turn off the TV, computor or radio. Put down the newspaper and turn off your cell phone. Face the other person directly and concentrate 100% on what the other person is saying.


Rule #2

Pause before replying. Take a few seconds to carefully consider what the other person has said. When you pause you are avoiding the risk of interrupting the other person if he/she is just reformulating their thoughts.


Rule #3

Never assume that you you know what the other person is thinking or feeling. If you are unclear simply ask "can you explain some more?" or "how do you mean?" when you are seeking clarity you are demonstrating to the other person that you really care about what he/she is saying and also that you are interested in understanding how the other person thinks and feels.


Rule #4

Is for you to feed back what the other person has said. This is where you are letting the other person know that you are paying attention. When you repeat back what the other person has just said, in your own words, you prove to him/her that you were really listening. "did I hear you right, when you said?" 

"Listening is an art that requires attention over talent, 

spirit over ego, others over self." 

- Dean Jackson

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You Never Look Good By Making Someone Else Look Bad

                                           "Strong people don't put others down. 

                                                                 They lift them up." 

                                                               - Michael P. Watson 

What Would You Do?  

If you had the tallest building in New York City for a while... but after you built your building several other builders built taller buildings than yours... what would you do to yet again have the tallest building?

A. You start tearing down all the buildings that are taller than yours.
You might get away with tearing down the first one but sooner or later someone will discover what you are up to and they will start guarding their buildings and telling you to not come around their building. They know what you are up to.

B. You could add more stories to your building or build a brand new one.
You focus on what you can do to create what you want instead of tearing down what other people have build or accomplished.

I know I would go for B.
It would involve more work on my part but in the end I would be proud of what I created myself and I know that I didn't create it by pushing or pulling someone else down. 

The above example might not be such a great one, but what I am trying to get to is that in life often people will rather tear down someone else or something that someone else has created instead of focus on what they themselves are capable of creating for themselves, in their own life.
It seems like it is easier to pull someone down than it is to pull yourself up.

Some people will become jealous or envious if someone else have what they themselves want.
Since someone else has what they want then there won't be enough for them. They will never be able to have it. This is a lack-mentality. Since you have it... they must take it from you instead of creating it for themselves.

There is plenty for all. If you are willing to work for it you can have it too.
This is a abundant-mentality.

Sometimes people try to expose what is wrong with you, because the can't handle what is right with you.

Maybe someone has a lot of energy, they are happy and they live a healthy lifestyle. Automatically some people will get jealous of that and they will try to do things or talk bad about this person because they themselves lack energy, health and happiness in their own life. They have in other words chosen example A.
They tear into someone else, trying to bring them down to their own level. Or they try to take away what this person has so they can have it themselves.

Instead they can choose B... a much smarter approach. They can ask the person that is healthy, happy and energetic how they are able to create this in their life. Realizing that they can also create this in their own life. But of course that will require some changes in their own life and some work on their part.

If there is someone that you admire with someone or maybe they created something that you would like to have... find out how they did it.
Ask them how they created the life and the habits that you want and then you model them and you can live like this person. 

"Don't push others down to reach the top, instead pull yourself up!" 

- Rishi Rishi

It doesn't matter if it has to do with money, wealth, a great career, great relationships, happiness, health & vitality or a lot of energy. If you got it... some people want it and sometimes they will try to take it from you or they will try to tear you down to get to what they want. And if they can't have it, they don't want you to have it either.

Don't use that approach. Instead ask or find out how this person created great wealth in their life, or how they have such a happy marriage, how they have such a high energy level, how they were able to create a business career or how they can remain so peaceful and calm no matter what is going on in the world.

Just remember that you can never pull yourself up by tearing down others.
If you want to pull yourself up... you have to do the work yourself.

"You never look good,

 trying to make someone else look bad."
- Unknown

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Self - Confidence is a Super Power

                                                                    Self - Confidence 

                                The foundation of all great success and achievement

Have you ever wondered where confidence comes from?

It comes from knowing that you will be able to handle things... no mater what!

Have you ever allowed fear to stop you from take a leap of faith and trying something new?
Maybe creating a new dream or vision for your life?
I know I have!
Uncertainty is scary and it usually stops us dead in our tracks from pursuing our dream or vision. 

Confidence - is something you create within yourself by believing in who you are.

Have you ever had these kind thoughts?

If I pursue my dream... what will my friends and family think?
Am I good enough to succeed at this?
What about if I fail?
How am I going to pay the bills?
Am I too old/young to make this happen?
What if this happens?


                          "Confidence doesn't come when you have all the answers.
                          But it comes when you are ready to face all the questions."


The need for security will keep us stuck in our comfort zones and it will slowly suck the life out of our souls. We are so worried about changing our lives, so afraid of the unknown that we often will miss out on great opportunities to better our lives.

Fear comes from not knowing if we will be able to handle things.

A lot of times we feel like security comes from having material things.

We are spending so much time making money so that we can acquire material things... when we instead should focus on our ability to handle things. 

"The best way to gain self-confidence is to do what you are afraid to do." 

- Unknown 

Invest in yourself. Work your confidence muscle. The bigger your confidence muscle gets the more secure you will feel that you will be able to handle anything that life throws at you.

Be courageous... take the leap of faith... and start building that confidence muscle.
It probably needs a workout! 

"Avoid negative people at all costs. 

They are the greatest destroyers of self-confidence and self-esteem." 

- Brian Tracy

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Betrayal Begins With Trust

                     "Everyone suffers at least one bad betrayal in their lifetime.
                                                                It´s what unites us.
            The trick is not to let it destroy your trust in others when that happens.
                                                 Don´t let them take that from you."
                                                              - Sherilynn Kenyon

Are you having a hard time trusting other people?

I know a lot of us have been betrayed and disappointed by people in our lives.
And it is especially hurtful if the person is very close to us.

Only through trusting yourself will you be able to trust someone else. 

The saddest thing about betrayal is that it never comes from your enemies. 

Life is about taking a step back, examine the situation, breath and then tell yourself...
If this doesn´t work out, I will be OK.
I will be able to figure it out and no matter what happens, I will be fine.

Life is also about being selective while choosing people that are the closest to you.
Your inner circle.
And also the people that you do business with. 

There are three sign of a hypocrite:  when he speaks he speaks lies, when the makes a promise he breaks it, and when he is trusted he betrays his trust.

Make sure you are choosing people who are good for you, and then you must trust your own judgment.
Learn to listen to you intuitive voice.

Don´t turn away from what is painful.
Examine it!
Challenge it!
Try to understand what it is here to teach you. 

"Even loss and betrayal can bring us awakening." 

- Buddha

Don´t let other people sway you in your defining moments.

Sticking to your character requires a lot of courage. 

The worst thing in the world is knowing you've been used and lied to by someone you trusted.

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Be You... Do You... Love You

                               "Love yourself first and everything else falls into line." 

                                                                    - Lucille Ball 

What are the most powerful words in the Universe?

The ones you use to talk to yourself.

Knowing how to love yourself is very important. Self love is at the core of wellbeing, joy and self-empowerment and your ability to create and enjoy the kind of life you want.

You cannot enjoy happiness if you are not at peace with yourself. 

Loving yourself can also be seen as self esteem. Self esteem basically means how much you love yourself.

Good self esteem is important because when is missing you don't respect yourself which usually means others don't respect you.

If you don't have love for yourself it is hard to give love to others.

You can not give away what you don't have. First you have to have it for yourself before you can give it to anyone else. 

"In a society that profits from your self-doubt,  loving yourself is a rebellious act." 

- Unknown 

High self esteem and self love gives you the strength to hold your head high, feel proud of yourself, gives you the courage to try new things, and the power to believe in yourself.

Every relationship you ever have with someone else exactly mirrors one or more aspects of the relationship you have with yourself.

If you lack your own love, you attract people and circumstances that mirror your negative beliefs and feelings about yourself.

According to The Law of Attraction we draw to us the manifestations of what we feel. So in order to for us to draw in loving people and circumstances , we need to know how to love ourselves first. 

"If you are searching for that one person that will change your life, take a look in the mirror."

 - Unknown

"When people come to me with a problem, I don't care what it is - poor health, lack or money, unfulfilling relationships, or stifled creativity, there is only one thing I ever work on, and that is LOVING THE SELF.

I find that as we really love and accept and approve of ourselves exactly as we are, then everything in life works. It is as if little miracles are everywhere. Our health improves, we attract more money, our relationships become much more fulfilling, and we begin to express ourselves in creatively fulfilling ways. All this seems to happen without even trying."
                                                                       

- Louise Hay from the book... You Can Heal Your Life. 

"It's not your job to like me... It's mine!" 

- Byron Katie 

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Spread Your Wings And Live Life Fully

                                                 "Until you spread your wings,

                                          you have no idea how far you can fly."

                                                                     - Napoleon 

Are you an eagle who thinks it is a chicken?

While walking through the forest one day a man found a young eagle who had fallen out of his nest. He took it home and put it in his barnyard, where it soon learned to eat and behave like the chickens.

One day a naturalist passed by the farm and asked... why it was that the king of all birds should be confined to live in a barnyard with the chickens? The farmer replied that since he had given it chicken feed and trained it to be a chicken it had never learned to fly. Since it now behaved as a chicken it was no longer an eagle. Still it has the heart of an eagle, replied the naturalist and can surely be taught to fly. 

He lifted the eagle toward the sky and said... you belong to the shy and not to the earth. Stretch forth your wings and fly. The eagle however was confused. He did not know who he was and seeing the chickens eating their food he jumped down to be with them again. The naturalist took the bird to the roof of the house and urged him again... saying... you are an eagle, stretch forth your wings and fly. But again the eagle was afraid of his unknown self and the world and he jumped down once more for the chicken food. 

Finally the naturalist took the eagle out of the barnyard to a high mountain. There he held the king of the birds high above him and encouraged again... saying... you are an eagle. You belong to the sky. Stretch forth your wings and fly. The eagle looked around backed towards the barnyard and up to the sky. Then the naturalist lifted him straight towards the sun and it happened that the eagle began to tremble. Slowly he stretched his wings and with an triumphant cry, soared away into the heavens. 

It may be that the eagle still remembers the chickens with nostalgia. It may even be that he occasionally revisits the barnyard. But as far as anyone knows he has never returned to lead the life of a chicken. 

We can see from this story that no matter how strongly the naturalist believed the eagle was an eagle, he continued to behave as a chicken until his own thinking and belief about himself changed.  

You can learn to think differently about yourself. 

Are you an eagle that has believed the lie that you are chicken? 

If so, it is time to get out of the chickenyard and learn to fly. 

You've got to spread your wings if you really want to fly.

Take risks

Try new things

Go places you haven't gone

Be willing to not know

Be OK with making mistakes

And you will go further then you could have dreamed possible.

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Authenticity - The Courage To Be Yourself

                                          "Never change for anyone. After you do, 

                                        all they´ll want you to do is change again.
                                    And as hard as it was to change the first time, 

                                                     to give up everything you knew, 

                                          and be half empty afterwards isn´t worth it.
                                            Don´t change so people will like you.
                               Be yourself and the right people will love the real you."
                                                                      - Unknown

A lot of times we might feel that it is more important to be liked than to be real.
But how can we love and enjoy our lives if we are not honest and authentic?
How can we create something extraordinary if we are not speaking and living our truth?
We can´t.

"Believing that you are enough is what gives you the courage to be authentic.

 - Brene Brown 

If you continue to live a life without being honest and authentic, resentment will build and your head and your heart will be out of balance.

Stop trying to please other people. A lot of times it is an attempt to seek validation to increase your own self-worth.
Don´t be afraid to speak the truth even if you think it might cause some people not to agree with you or even disapprove of you.

"Be congruent, be authentic, be your true self." 

- Mahatma Gandhi

Validation is fear based. Unfortunately we live in a society that are constantly telling us that we are not enough.
TV, the internet, magazines or social media are constantly letting us know that we would feel a lot better if we bought a certain product or did a certain thing... only then we will be validated and feel good about ourselves.
This will keep us in a constant battle and the result is a feeling of not ever being good enough. 

"You can't be your authentic self when you are hiding behind fear." 

- Susan Dascenzi 

A Couple of Tips!

The less you look for other peoples validation or approval - the more they will give it to you.
Learn to validate and approve of yourself. Then you won´t need any help from the world out here, it will come from within yourself.
And if it comes from within it can never be taken away from you. 

Also remember that most people will respect "The Real You".
You don´t have to be perfect in order for people to like you.
Be human... it is OK. If you are going through a hard time, let people know.
It´s liberating to not have to pretend that everything is just fantastic in your life... all the time. 

"Authenticity is the daily practice of letting go of who we think we're supposes to be 

and embracing who we really are." 

- Brene Brown 

Be authentic. 

Express your feelings, thoughts, beliefs and your fears.
Share your experiences with people.

You were born to be real, not perfect.

If in doubt... always be yourself and keep it real.

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Lessons In Life

                                   No matter who tries to teach you lessons about life, 

                        you won't understand it until you go through it on your own. 

The story that I want to share with you today I came across many years years ago and I think it has a very powerful message. 

One day, a scorpion looked around at the mountain where he lived and decided that he wanted to change. So he set out on a journey through the forest and hills. He climbed over rocks and under vines and kept going until he reached a stream.

The stream was wide and deep, and the scorpion stopped to reconsider the situation. He couldn't see any other way across. He walked upstream for a bit and then back downstream, looking for a way to get across to the other side. he came upon a frog sitting in the rushes by the bank of the stream.

"Hellooo, Mr. Frog!" the scorpion said in his nicest voice, "Would you be so kind as to give me a ride on your back across the stream?"

"Well now, Mr. Scorpion! How do I know that if I try to help you, you won't sting me?" asked the frog.

"I would never do that," the scorpion replied. "If I sting you, then I would drown along with you, for I cannot swim."

Now this made sense to the frog, but he was still suspicious. "Yes that's true, but how do I know you won't sting me anyway?"

"I would have to be crazy to do that." the scorpion reassured him. "I don't want to die. I just want to get to the other side of the stream."

"You have a got a point there." said the frog as he mulled it over.

Finally the frog agreed to take the scorpion across the river. "OK, I'll take you across. Hop on my back and we'll get going. Just be careful with your stinger."

"Sure, sure of course, " the scorpion replied.

He crawled onto the frog's back and the frog slid into the river. The water swirled around them, but the frog stayed near the surface so the scorpion would not drown.
He kicked strongly through the stream, his webbed feet paddling surely and steadily against the current.
But about halfway across the stream, the frog suddenly felt a sharp sting in his back. A deadening numbness began to creep into his limbs.

"What have you done?" croaked the frog, looking back over his shoulders at his passenger. "Why on earth did you sting me? Now we both are going to drown!"

"I couldn't help myself." The scorpion shrugged as he sank with the frog. It's just my nature."

This little short story reminds me of one of my favorite quotes.....

"When people show you who they are, believe them the first time"     

- Maya Angelou

Believe people when they tell you who they are... because they know themselves better than you do.

If someone tells you that they lie to other people... guess what... they will lie to you too.

If someone gossips about other people in from of you... they will gossip about you.

If people show that they can't be trusted... don't trust them.

Trust people to be who they are. Know that they will behave in keeping with their character.

"Some people come into your life as blessings. Some come into your life as lessons."

 - Mother Teresa

Tip!

If your friend is a liar... deal with him/her accordingly. You expect him/her to lie. You can still be a friend, just recognize who you are dealing with and take appropriate steps to protect yourself.  Accept the way he/she is but don't allow it to have a negative impact on you.

Some Food For Thought!

Lessons in life will be repeated until they are learned.

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