Be An Active Listener

                                  Every good conversation starts with good listening

The most valuable gift we can give someone is our undivided attention and being able to be an active listener.
So how do we do this? 

The biggest communication problem is we do not listen to understand. 

We listen to reply.

Active listening is the practice of preparing to listen, observing what verbal and non-verbal messages are being sent, and then providing appropriate feedback for the sake of showing attentiveness to the message being presented. Active listening is listening on purpose. Active listening is fully being in engaged while another person is talking to you. It is listening with the intent to understand the other person fully, rather than listening to respond.  

"You can not truly listen to anyone and do anything else at the same time." 

- M. Scott peck

Rule #1

Listen without interrupting. When someone wants to talk to you, you must put aside all distractions. Turn off the TV, computor or radio. Put down the newspaper and turn off your cell phone. Face the other person directly and concentrate 100% on what the other person is saying.


Rule #2

Pause before replying. Take a few seconds to carefully consider what the other person has said. When you pause you are avoiding the risk of interrupting the other person if he/she is just reformulating their thoughts.


Rule #3

Never assume that you you know what the other person is thinking or feeling. If you are unclear simply ask "can you explain some more?" or "how do you mean?" when you are seeking clarity you are demonstrating to the other person that you really care about what he/she is saying and also that you are interested in understanding how the other person thinks and feels.


Rule #4

Is for you to feed back what the other person has said. This is where you are letting the other person know that you are paying attention. When you repeat back what the other person has just said, in your own words, you prove to him/her that you were really listening. "did I hear you right, when you said?" 

"Listening is an art that requires attention over talent, 

spirit over ego, others over self." 

- Dean Jackson

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You Never Look Good By Making Someone Else Look Bad

                                           "Strong people don't put others down. 

                                                                 They lift them up." 

                                                               - Michael P. Watson 

What Would You Do?  

If you had the tallest building in New York City for a while... but after you built your building several other builders built taller buildings than yours... what would you do to yet again have the tallest building?

A. You start tearing down all the buildings that are taller than yours.
You might get away with tearing down the first one but sooner or later someone will discover what you are up to and they will start guarding their buildings and telling you to not come around their building. They know what you are up to.

B. You could add more stories to your building or build a brand new one.
You focus on what you can do to create what you want instead of tearing down what other people have build or accomplished.

I know I would go for B.
It would involve more work on my part but in the end I would be proud of what I created myself and I know that I didn't create it by pushing or pulling someone else down. 

The above example might not be such a great one, but what I am trying to get to is that in life often people will rather tear down someone else or something that someone else has created instead of focus on what they themselves are capable of creating for themselves, in their own life.
It seems like it is easier to pull someone down than it is to pull yourself up.

Some people will become jealous or envious if someone else have what they themselves want.
Since someone else has what they want then there won't be enough for them. They will never be able to have it. This is a lack-mentality. Since you have it... they must take it from you instead of creating it for themselves.

There is plenty for all. If you are willing to work for it you can have it too.
This is a abundant-mentality.

Sometimes people try to expose what is wrong with you, because the can't handle what is right with you.

Maybe someone has a lot of energy, they are happy and they live a healthy lifestyle. Automatically some people will get jealous of that and they will try to do things or talk bad about this person because they themselves lack energy, health and happiness in their own life. They have in other words chosen example A.
They tear into someone else, trying to bring them down to their own level. Or they try to take away what this person has so they can have it themselves.

Instead they can choose B... a much smarter approach. They can ask the person that is healthy, happy and energetic how they are able to create this in their life. Realizing that they can also create this in their own life. But of course that will require some changes in their own life and some work on their part.

If there is someone that you admire with someone or maybe they created something that you would like to have... find out how they did it.
Ask them how they created the life and the habits that you want and then you model them and you can live like this person. 

"Don't push others down to reach the top, instead pull yourself up!" 

- Rishi Rishi

It doesn't matter if it has to do with money, wealth, a great career, great relationships, happiness, health & vitality or a lot of energy. If you got it... some people want it and sometimes they will try to take it from you or they will try to tear you down to get to what they want. And if they can't have it, they don't want you to have it either.

Don't use that approach. Instead ask or find out how this person created great wealth in their life, or how they have such a happy marriage, how they have such a high energy level, how they were able to create a business career or how they can remain so peaceful and calm no matter what is going on in the world.

Just remember that you can never pull yourself up by tearing down others.
If you want to pull yourself up... you have to do the work yourself.

"You never look good,

 trying to make someone else look bad."
- Unknown

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Self - Confidence is a Super Power

                                                                    Self - Confidence 

                                The foundation of all great success and achievement

Have you ever wondered where confidence comes from?

It comes from knowing that you will be able to handle things... no mater what!

Have you ever allowed fear to stop you from take a leap of faith and trying something new?
Maybe creating a new dream or vision for your life?
I know I have!
Uncertainty is scary and it usually stops us dead in our tracks from pursuing our dream or vision. 

Confidence - is something you create within yourself by believing in who you are.

Have you ever had these kind thoughts?

If I pursue my dream... what will my friends and family think?
Am I good enough to succeed at this?
What about if I fail?
How am I going to pay the bills?
Am I too old/young to make this happen?
What if this happens?


                          "Confidence doesn't come when you have all the answers.
                          But it comes when you are ready to face all the questions."


The need for security will keep us stuck in our comfort zones and it will slowly suck the life out of our souls. We are so worried about changing our lives, so afraid of the unknown that we often will miss out on great opportunities to better our lives.

Fear comes from not knowing if we will be able to handle things.

A lot of times we feel like security comes from having material things.

We are spending so much time making money so that we can acquire material things... when we instead should focus on our ability to handle things. 

"The best way to gain self-confidence is to do what you are afraid to do." 

- Unknown 

Invest in yourself. Work your confidence muscle. The bigger your confidence muscle gets the more secure you will feel that you will be able to handle anything that life throws at you.

Be courageous... take the leap of faith... and start building that confidence muscle.
It probably needs a workout! 

"Avoid negative people at all costs. 

They are the greatest destroyers of self-confidence and self-esteem." 

- Brian Tracy

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