What is Courage?

                              "Courage is being scared to death but saddling up anyway"
                                                              - John Wayne

                          "It takes courage to grow up and to become who you really are"
                                                               - E. E. Cummings

What is Courage?

What does it mean to be courageous.... in your opinion?

I think a lot of us think of a courageous person as someone that will run into a burning building to save someone...or maybe save someone from drowning, by risking their own life.
Maybe skydiving or bungee jumping is being courageous, to you?

Yes.....these are very courageous acts and I also believe a lot of people are being courageous every day by taking small actions in their own lives.

So what exactly is courage?

It is an internal muscle that we are all equipped with and that we can use at any time of the day and any day.
Since it is a muscle you can make it stronger by using it more often. It is very much like a bicep muscle....The more you use it the stronger it gets.
Unfortunately a lot of us have stopped using this particular muscle. The muscle has gotten flabby.

Think back to when you were younger, you probably didn´t mind trying some new things...right?

Well, a lot of times trying new things is the only way to learn.
As a kid we tried all kings of things and we were not scared of trying.
And if it didn´t work with tried something different.

But I believe as we got older we have gone through a lot of things in our lives that didn´t work out and we become afraid to try new things.
Sometimes it is because we don´t want to look stupid and we don´t want to feel like failures.
Or maybe we got hurt while trying something and we don´t ever want to experience that kind of pain ever again.

We stop taking risks.
We stop getting out of our comfort zones to expand our views.... and eventually it will lead us to feeling stuck and unfulfilled in our lives.

The more you get out of your comfort zone and dare to be courageous the more alive you will feel.
It doesn´t have to be big acts of courage. You can start small and work your way up.
The important thing is that you start using your courage muscle more often.
Like any muscle...it will increase with usage.

Being courageous doesn´t mean that you are not feeling scared. No... it means that you are feeling scared but you will do it anyway.... despite feeling fear.

Being courageous doesn´t mean that you have to rescue someone from a burning building, or rescue someone from drowning....... before you can become a courageous person.
It can be things like.....

Courage to tell someone that you love them....for the first time
Courage to pursue a new hobby or interest
Courage to start a new career that you believe in ....even if you feel like no none will support you
Courage to follow your dreams
Courage to leave a relationship that you have outgrown
Courage to move to a new city or country
Courage to leave your old job for a new one
Courage to start speaking up for yourself and to set boundaries
Courage to start asking for what you want in a relationship
Courage to start dating after being single for many years
Courage to ask for help
Courage to walk away from a toxic relationship
Courage to hire a mentor or a coach, because you know that you can´t do it alone
Courage to start saying no to others when you have always been a yes-person
Courage to show your vulnerability to others
Courage to show your invisible scars to the world
Courage to say....I have had enough...I am not doing this anymore
Courage to believe that what is in front of you is more powerful that what is behind you
Courage to believe that you can learn as you go. Knowing that answers will come to you
Courage to believe that brighter days are coming
Courage to lift you head up a little higher and see a new vision for your life
Courage to change direction in life
Courage to walk a new path, even if no one has walked it before you

So... what is courage to you?

Is it time for you to start building your "Courage Muscle" on a daily base?

Courage is not the absence of fear but the ability to move beyond fear.

Just remember...... if you don´t use it...you will loose it.


I will close this blog with one of my favorite quotes by ......May Ann Radmacher

                                                "Courage doesn´t always roar.
                           Sometimes it is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying,
                                                 `I will try again tomorrow`."

 

Karin Glannstam - Personal Success Coach

www.karinglannstam.com

Do You Ever Feel Depleted Around Certain People?

                            "People inspire you, or they drain you - Pick them wisely"

Your environment, your associations, your friends, your family, co-workers and even your job has an affect on you.

So do the books you read, the programs you watch on TV, what you read on the Internet and also the conversations you engage in.

Have you ever had a friend that after you have had a conversation with them, you are starting to feel bad and negative?
A lot of times you don´t even notice it. But eventually if you are observant enough you will notice a pattern. It might not be that the person is saying a lot of negative things. It is just that the energy feels negative and after a while and it will leave you feeling depleted.

Some influences are very settled and often hard to detect until the damage is already done.

I have a friend like that.
In the beginning I didn´t notice it or think much of it. It wasn´t that the person was especially negative during our conversations or even that the conversation was that bad either. But a couple of hours after spending time with this particular person I started to feel bad, negative and self doubts was creeping in on me for no reason at all.
After a while I started to notice a pattern.  Every time after I had met or had conversations with this particular person I started to feel bad, negative and I was doubting myself and feeling very depleted.

I have decided to stay away from this particular person as much as possible and we seldom meet in person. I try to restrict our conversations to over the phone as much as possible.

Small tiny negative influences will eventually leave you deflated.
Like a tiny little whole in a tire can go unnoticed for hundred of miles.

Pay attention to what you watch on TV, the people you talk to and your environment

Remember............ everything affects everything.

                                             Karin Glannstam - Personal Success Coach
                                                    www.karinglannstam.com

A Great Way to Create a Solution to Any Problem

                         "You can´t solve a problem with the same mind that created it"
                                                           - Albert Einstein

A great way of trying to solve a problem is to actually take time and capture it on paper...... the way it really is.

There is something magical about writing down a problem.

When you are writing down what is wrong you will be able to figure out how to make it right.

When you are writing down your problem you are getting it out of your head and on a piece of paper and it will allow you to objectively look at the problem.

The fact that you are writing about it instead of just mentally pondering on it, creates a space between you and the problem.

In that space you will be able to clarify exactly what is going on.

When we describe a problem only in our minds our imagination tends to fed us false and exaggerated information about how things really are. Both good or bad.

When we describe a problem in writing however we become more factual, more accurate and most often, more realistic.

As we re-read what we have written we often will creating a new picture in our minds to replace the old and inaccurate picture.

When we see things as they really are rather that the way we think they are we now can see our way to create a brand new solution to our problem.

Tip!
Always take time to capture a problem on paper, the way it really is.
Carefully analyze the problem.
Attack the problem with some adjustments.

                                         Karin Glannstam - Personal Success Coach
                                                    www.karinglannstam.com

5 Part Series - How to Quickly Get Back On Track After Life Knocks You Down

                    This is a guide on how to take your power back,
                              break free from the past,
                      embrace and step into your future.

1. Seek Professional Help & Support
    Educate Yourself. Get the Facts
    Walk Away. Get Out of Harms Way
http://karinglannstam.blogspot.se/2016/03/part-1-how-to-quickly-get-back-on-track.html


2. Grieve
    Self-Care
    Acceptance &Taking Responsibility
http://karinglannstam.blogspot.se/2016/03/part-2-how-to-quickly-get-back-on-track.html


3. Learn. Study. Personal Development
    Cut Out Negativity
    Learn to Self-Sooth
http://karinglannstam.blogspot.se/2016/03/part-3-how-to-quickly-get-back-on-track.html


4.  Let Go of The Past
     Reinvent Yourself and Move On
     Create a Vision for Your Life
http://karinglannstam.blogspot.se/2016/03/part4-how-to-quickly-gat-back-on-track.html


5.  Gratitude
     Forgiveness
     Celebrate Your Life & Your Progress
http://karinglannstam.blogspot.se/2016/03/part-5-how-to-quicly-get-back-on-track.html



You were not born to play small. You were born to sail. To expand. To grow. To live a bigger brighter version of yourself.


            Karin Glannstam - Personal Success Coach
                         www.karinglannstam.com

Why Having a Clear Purpose is so Powerful

                          "If you are working on something exciting that you really care about,
                                            you don´t have to be pushed. The vision pulls you"
                                                                   - Steve Jobs

                "Throughout the centuries there were men who took first steps down new roads
                                                armed with nothing but their own vision"
              
                                                                   - Ayn Rand


I am sure that you have heard  expressions like....Compelling future, Burning desire or even having an obsession for something in your life?

Something that is so powerful that it will pull you into the future. It is like a giant magnet.
It will pull you through anything that is going on in your life right now. Into the future.

A person who has purpose in life........ have something to go for in life.
Something that makes them get up every morning, feeling excited about the day, about their work or their project.
Excited about their life and what they are doing.
They have a clear purpose for their life.

But it has to be something that does something to us. It has to feel important, a calling, a purpose.
Something that pulls us into the future.

There are a lot of things that pulls us in life. A lot of people are being pulled back by their past.
They are allowing their past to be the biggest pull on their life. Dragging them down.

Other people are being pulled in all kinds of direction by all their distractions and drama.

But what you want is something in life that will pull you forward.
Something so powerful that it will continue to pull you forward no matter of what is going on in your life.
Something that won´t allow you to get pulled down by the challenges of a day, a bad week or month.
And it won´t allow you to get pulled back by a difficult year.

The more powerful the purpose, the stronger it pulls.
The cleared the purpose the stronger the pulls.

So, if you want something to pull you through all kinds of challenges, setbacks or difficulties.
All the things that life will constantly throws at you..............
You got to have a powerful purpose or vision.

Have you got a powerful vision or purpose that will pull you into the future?

 

Karin Glannstam - Personal Success Coach

www.karinglannstam.com

(Part 5) How To Quicly Get Back On Track After Life Knocks You Down

                                          Welcome to part 5 of this 5 part series

    How to quickly get back on track after life knocks you down.

Stop waiting for other people or circumstances to change. You give your power away waiting for something out there to change when the truth is that the change always have to come from the inside.
You must change.
If you don´t change you will be waiting for a lifetime just sitting around in the storm, constantly being blown around.
Set your own sail and navigate yourself out of the storm and into calmer water.


Gratitude

We must learn to shift our focus from what isn´t working in our lives, to what is working.
Shift from what we don´t have to what we do have.
We must learn and focus on gratitude.

If you read anything about successful people , gratitude is always on top of their list.
Maybe you don´t feel like you have much to be grateful for right now in your life. But if you dig a little deeper there are always plenty of things to appreciate in your life.

How about clean water. Electricity. A roof over your head. Friends and family. A job. Health. A car. Food to eat. There are a lot of things that we take for granted and that we forget to be grateful for.
A lot of people in this world doesn´t even know where there next meal is going to come from. They don´t have a home and not even a bed to sleep in at night.
No access to clean water.

If you don´t feel grateful today..... I have a tip for you!
Start a "Gratitude Journal"
This is how it works. Get a book and every day at the end of the day, spend 5 minutes to write down 5 things that happened during the day that you are grateful for. Easy to do...and easy not to do. Try it!
You will be amazed to discover how truly blessed you are.

When I walked away from my narcissistic relationship in 2012, I had to leave a lot of pretty things behind. Big house in The Woodlands, TX. Cars, pool, fancy furniture, nice stuff and plenty of money. It looked great from the outside but on inside of that house, behind closed doors I was living in a warzone.
Finally I had enough. I wasn´t willing to live like that any longer. I wasn´t willing to sacrifice my soul for "pretty stuff" and a "pretty outside", when the inside was out of control my soul was slowly dying.

I walked away. Left the country with my 2 dogs and some clothes and things.
I have to admit as I was sitting there in Sweden for the first couple of months in my small apartment, I wasn´t feeling very grateful. But I had my life back and I was safe. But all I could think of what all I had lost. All the pretty things, the big house and the money. I didn´t care that I was finally safe.
All I could think off was my dreams for the future and the life that I had planned was all of a sudden gone.

Luckily I made a shift after a couple of months and I decided to make a change. I realized if I was going to get unstuck and be able to move on, I needed to start focusing on what was in front of me...not what I left behind.
I found a lot of things to be grateful for and every day I think of how truly rich and blessed I am.

The more things that you are grateful for in your life right now, more things will show up in your life to be grateful for. Gratitude is a skill and a muscle that you can practice every day and I guarantee you...if you work it.... it will grow.
But it is up to you... to do it!

Today I feel rich because of all my experiences. Even though I had to go through a lot of tough times. But who doesn't. If you live long enough and you take some chances in your life you will get banged up and blown around. That is part of life. My experiences are of high value.
They are capital that I can now invest in my future.

I am rich because of all my friends that I have. I have several friend that have been around 20- 30 years.
Wow....that makes me me super rich.

I am rich because I have been able to live between 2 countries in my life. Sweden and The US. I speak both languages fluently and I have great experiences and friends from both countries.

I am rich because through my "Devine Storm" I discovered talents and things about myself that I didn´t know I had before.

I am rich because I have a bright future. As a life coach I get to work with people all over the world doing what I love to do and get paid for it.

I am rich because I have a clear vision of where I am going. I feel a higher purpose for my life.
I am free to pursue my dreams.

I am rich for all the pets that have owned me.
I just had to throw that in for all you pet lovers out there.
(You know exactly what I am talking about)..

                                         "It´s not happy people who are thankful.
                                             It is thankful people that are happy"

What are you grateful for today?


Forgiveness

I have a dear friend that asked me once........
Do you know what the #1 thing is that will keep people stuck in their lives, unable to move forward?
I was thinking about the question for a few seconds and then I answered........anger.
I was close.....Unforgiveness.

                             "You will only begin to heal when you let go of past hurts,
                                   forgive the ones who have wronged you and
                                     learn to forgive yourself for your mistakes"
                                                       - Iyanla Vanzant

You must learn to let go of people that hurt you and that made you bleed.
I know this one isn´t easy but if you want to have a future you must stop dragging your past around like a big sack of manure.
It weighs you down and it makes you focus in the wrong direction. Your past and people from your past are like gravity. They will continue to pull you down until you decide to let it go and to move on.

The people that have hurt you have most likely moved on. Maybe they didn´t even know that they hurt you. Set yourself free and let go. Stop dragging that big sack of manure around with you everywhere.
It makes your life stink!!!

Learn from your mistakes and the lessons. They are valuable lessons because if you have learned your lesson you won´t repeat it again in the future.

Realize that if others treat you badly, it isn´t about you, but about their suffering and pain.

When you understand that those people were not capable of doing any better or any more than what they did.

                     "For every minute you are angry, you lose sixty seconds of happiness"
                                                          - Unknown

The more you ruminate on negative thoughts, the more power you give them. Don´t waste time on things and people that emotionally drain you.

                    "Forgiveness......is a process of giving up the old for something new.
              Old experiences and memories that we hold onto in anger. resentment. shame,
                                            or guilt cloud our spirit mind.
                        The truth is, everything that has happened had to happen.
        It was a growth experience. There was something you needed to know, to learn.
                If you stay angry. hurt. afraid. ashamed, or guilty, you miss the lesson.
                                             You will be stuck in a cloud of pain"
                                                           - Iyanla Vanzant

Stop repeating your story to anyone that is willing to listen. You have told it so many times that it now has become your identity. If you don´t stop repeating your story you will be in an "invisible prison" for the rest of your life.
Let yourself off the hook.

Divorce your story and create a new more powerful one, and start telling it to the world.


Celebrate Your Life & Your Progress

Take time to enjoy and celebrate what you have accomplished. Your success should be a pleasure.
Appreciate what you have got, what you have done and who you have become is very important.

Why?
It is important component in fueling your future achievements.

Celebrate your achievements. Little achievements are just as important as the big ones.
If you can´t appreciate the small ones you cane enjoy the big ones.

Tonight I will be celebrating that I completed this 5 part project, that you are now reading.
I have been wanting to do it for over a year and I finally did it.
I started it and I completed it.
I think that is cause for celebration!!!

Always reflect back on your accomplishments and write them down.

Don´t wait until you have reached your goal to be proud of yourself and to celebrate.
Be proud of every step you take toward reaching that goal.

Pat yourself on the back once in a while and tell yourself....GOOD JOB!


Some Food For Thought!

Maybe I came come along at the right time to give you a piece of information from my own experience and my journey, that will start you on a new different track

Remember...it doesn´t matter where you are coming from....all that matters is where you are going

You have to keep on moving. Momentum is everything. The less you move the less you want to move.
Action leads to more action

It is easy to get off track when you don´t have a plan. Make sure your promise is clear.
The price is easy to pay if the promise is clear

You don´t have to wait for a crisis or a breakdown to change your life. You can change the direction of your life at anytime.
You just have to decide to set a better sail for your future.


       Be Courageous.....Take Action.......& Make It Happen!

                         If I can do it....You can do it!


You were not born to play small. You were born to sail. To expand. To grow. To live bigger brighter version of yourself.


Thank you for tuning in. Thank you for keeping your heart open to what I have shared.

Thank you for spreading the word and sharing with friends and family.

We always have the power to change the direction of our lives, at any time.



If you have any questions, want more information about my coaching please feel free to contact me either via email or through my website

karin@karinglannstam.com
www.karinglannstam.com

Take Care,

Karin

                                          Karin Glannstam - Personal Success Coach
                                                       www.karinglannstam.com

(Part 4) How To Quickly Get Back On Track After Life Knocks You Down

                                               Welcome to part 4 in this 5 part series

          How to quickly get back on track after life knocks you down

You can´t do anything about your past. You can only learn from it.
But you can do something about your future. To dramatically improve your odds of making your life better you have to take responsibility for designing your own future. Start by leaving your old story behind and create a brand new and more empowering story.


Let Go Of The Past

You want to learn from your past but you don´t want to live there.
It takes a lot of courage to let things go. All the things that didn´t work out. All the betrayals, all your losses. Everything that hurt you and made you bleed.

You have to have faith to believe that what is in front of you is greater than what is behind you. You must learn to forgive, or you won´t be able to move forward in life. You will find yourself stuck and you will continue to suffer.
You will have to make a decision. If you want to move to the second half of your life you must let go of what you had that in the first half of your life and believe that you can create a better and more powerful future.

Ask yourself...
Do I want to be a prisoner of my past....or a pioneer of my future?
That is a decision that only you can make.

To be able to move on you must create a new mind. You can´t move into your future being angry and revengeful about people and situations from your past. Don´t stain you future with the experiences from the past. Let it go!

This is the reason why I studied so much to understand about narcissism. When I did realize that underneath all that abuse that my ex was inflicting on me, was just another human being in pain. My ex had been hurt by people in his own life and probably his parents had a lot to with his anger and pain. Hurt people usually end up hurting other people. It is just a different form of pain. He was also hurting and the only way he knew how to release his painful feelings was to turn around and hurt someone else. When I understood this I had no problem of forgiving and letting go. He did his best with what he had been taught by his parents and other people in his life.

"When you know better....you do better" - Maya Angelo

If I would be looking back on my past and feeling angry about my ex, I would not have the energy to be available for the moment and for planning my future. It takes a lot of energy to be angry with someone and constantly talk about how other people have hurt you.
I have been around plenty of people, and all they do is talk about how their parents hurt them or their ex betrayed them and how friends let them down. It is exhausting to listen to it. Can you imagine people re-living their pain from the past by constantly talking about it. Day in and day out. Same story. It is exhausting just thinking about it. Learn to let go of the past so that you will have more energy for the moment and for creating your future.

Stop wasting energy on what people say about you. It is not what they say about you that matters. It is what you say about yourself that threatens your future.
Other people will not defeat you...you will be defeated about what you say about YOU.
We have control of our own mind. Learn to control your thoughts, so that you will be able to create the next chapter of your life.

Treat you past as a school. Don't let the past beat you over the head with all your past failures and past losses.
Just learn from the past. Gather up all the information and all your experiences from the past and invest it in your future.
Stop living in the past. Divorce your old story and get busy creating a new one.


Reinvent Yourself and Move On

How to reinvent myself and my life took a little time for me to figure out. I had to do a lot of brainstorming in order to find myself again. After being in a toxic, narcissistic relationship I had totally forgot who I was. I had lived someone else´s life for so long I didn´t know who I was any longer.

I had to ask myself. What did I use to like doing? What are my interests? What am I passionate about? What makes me happy? What do I like? These were some of the questions that I had to ponder on.

      If you don´t design your own life plan chances are you´ll fall into someone else´s plan
                                        and guess what they have planned for you?
                                                               Not much"
                                                              -Jim Rohn

I think this is such a powerful quote by Jim Rohn and it fit my life perfectly. I ended up living someone else´s life for a very long time. Sacrificing my own dreams.
Don´t let this be you.

So many people end up living someone else´s plan. They do things to please others, sacrificing their own dreams.
How about parents that are doctors. They expect their child to go into medicine, but the child would rather be a musician. But since the family wants him/her to be a doctor he/she finally agrees to go to medical school and become a doctor. Then he/she will live their life being miserable because that was not his/her life path. Music was their passion, but instead they sacrificed their dreams for someone else´s vision of their future.

Or how about the son who wanted to become an actor but his father wanted him to take over the family business. Eventually the son agrees, giving up his own dreams of becoming an actor. Do you think he will live a life on purpose?

Make sure you design your own life.

I had to do a lot of brainstorming to figure out what I wanted to do with the second half of my life. I had become a nurse in my early twenties and I worked in the medical field for 10 years but I was not passionate about that. It was not my calling.
Then I spend 12 years in retail having my own boutique, but I wasn't interested in doing that again.

So what was I going to do?
Sometimes it is hard to answer this question because no one has asked us this question for a long time and of course I hadn´t thought about it for a long time either since I had been so busy living someone else´s life.
I finally came up with a lot of questions and a few processes that I used on myself to figure out what I wanted to do.
Today I use these processes with my own coaching clients to assist them in understanding and figuring out what they REALLY WANT and Why they want it.

After doing a lot of soul-searching and thinking I finally came up with the answer to all the questions.......Psychology.

Yes...of course. A vision can happen as a result of something happening to you.

"Turn your wounds into wisdom" - Oprah

Now I knew. I was going to help people create a better future for themselves. People that are stuck in life. Help them look a little higher to see what was possible for them. Assist them in moving from darkness into the light. Help them understand their past so they can move more confidently into the next chapter of their life.

I decided to turn my own suffering and my own experiences into becoming a Life Coach.
It was my Why.
And..... La Voila....That is exactly what I am doing today.
I always felt that there was a higher purpose for my suffering and my experiences.

I know that today I can help people a lot better, because I have been where they are at the moment. I can relate and I can understand what they are going through on a deeper level. And then I can help them move out of there and into a more powerful life.


Create A Vision for Your Life

I am sure a lot of you have heard.....Without a vision people will perish. From the Bible.

When I figured out what my vision was...... I was back on track.
Creating a vision for your life is very powerful.

The promise of the future is an awesome force. It is so powerful it can overcome any difficulty you are experiencing.

The future is called "The Promise". But we have to pay the price to get there. The price is discipline and hard work.
But if the future is clear, paying the price is easy.

But if the future or the promise isn´t clear the price is too difficult. We don´t want to pay the price of hard work and disciplines.

So you must design your future. You must have it well planned. Have your dreams and goals well set.

People approach the future either with anticipation or apprehension.
Guess which way most people approach the future?....You got it.....The last one.
With apprehension.

One way to feel good about the future is to have it well designed. Plan a better future for yourself, your health, your company or your relationships. Don´t just stumble around hoping that you will just arrive there. Design it in great detail.
Start feeling good about the future.


                                      "The best way to predict the future is to create it"
                                                          - Abraham Lincoln

If you don´t have a well designed plan for your future I suggest you start creating one.
Take some time to sit down and figure it out........

What do you really want?
Why do you want it?
How are you going to do it?

Create a game plan and then start taking daily action steps toward you future.

Sometimes we are afraid to start something because the outcome is uncertain.

If you focus on the WHAT and the WHY - the HOW will take care of itself.

Just because you don´t know how every single step of your journey is going to unfold, that should not stop you from getting started.

I remember back in 2012 after I had decide that I was going to return to The States and go back to school to become a certified life coach, I didn´t know how I was going to do it. I just knew what I was going to do and why I was going to do it. I felt like the rest of the plan would appear as I was taking action and moving forward. I was right. New information all of a sudden showed up. New friendships and people appeared in my life. Forgot to mention money...it also appeared.
I didn't know in the beginning how it would work out. But it did.
I returned to Texas in 2013 and one year later I became a certified life coach.

All you need to do is to get clear on what you what and then take the first step.

Remember nothing happens until you take action. You can have the most well designed plan but if you don´t start taking daily action steps toward you vision.....all you will have is a well designed plan.
Taking Action...is key.

There are no shortcuts to any place worth going. Remember that great things take time, but your dreams are worth the wait.

You have to commit to stay on the path. No excuses.



You were not born to play small. You were born to sail. To expand. To grow. To lie a bigger brighter version of yourself.


Thank you for tuning in. Thank you for keeping your heart open to what I have shared.

Thank you for spreading the word and sharing with friends and family.

We always have the power to change the direction of our lives, at any time.


See you tomorrow for part 5

Karin

                                          Karin Glannstam - Personal Success Coach
                                                       www.karinglannstam.com

(Part 3) How To Quickly Get Back On Track After Life Knocks You Down

                                               Welcome to part 3 of this 5 part series

    How to quickly get back on track after life knocks you down

When you go through a crisis, a difficult time or a painful situation, there is always a breakthrough on the other side. All you have do to get to the other side is..... the willingness to look at the lesson
What is this difficulty or this crisis here to tell me?
A new level is waiting for you on the other side of the breakdown.

Learn. Study. Personal Development

Never seize your quest for knowledge.
I have always being a curious person and it has helped me through my own crisis. When I learned that my ex was a narcissist I had to study narcissism to understand more and why it happen and what I could do about it. I also had to find out the effects of narcissistic abuse on the people that were affected after being in a relationship with one.
I did all of that to understand why I was feeling so bad after leaving the relationship in 2012. I learned about PTSD, anxiety and panic attacks. So when it happened I was more prepared for it. The "Dark Knight of the Soul" was something that I was also aware of and sure enough I had to go through it and all the pain that happened while moving through that process.
Self-Education has helped me a lot to be able to understand what happened, why it happened and also to make sure that it won´t happen in the future.

Since I had been around a very negative person for many years some of that energy had naturally rubbed off on me. It is hard to be in a relationship with someone and not allow there energy to affect you. That is why it is so important to pay attention and be selective with the people that we surround ourselves with. It is so easy to get pulled into complaining, being pessimistic, being resentful, gossiping and judging. It is easy to have a negative outlook on life. If you know anything about narcissist..... they are very fearful and extremely negative people.
Not in the beginning of the relationship when they are pouring on the charm. But when they have you hooked they slowly turn off the charm and switch on the abuse. It doesn´t happen over night. It is very settled and that is why it is so hard to detect.

After I left the narcissistic relationship in 2012, I could not sleep for many months. Instead I used to get up at night and turn on webinars and teleseminars. Anything that had to do with Personal Development. I knew in order for me to feel better and for things to get better for me...... I had to get better. In a way I felt like I had to reprogram my brain if I was going to be able to move on and be successful in my life. I listened for hours and hours both day and night. I poured it on. It didn´t matter I could not sleep and relax anyway so I felt like I might as well put this time to good use.
I can´t tell you how many webinars that I have listed to by now. I still listen to something educational and motivational almost every day.
The things I listen to and the people that I listen to have changed during the years. But it all has to do with Personal Development.
I recommend it.

We live in such a negative world. Negativity is everywhere. Find some inspiring and educational to listen to every day. If you spend a lot of time in your car get some cd´s or download some programs that you can listen to while you are driving.
It is called NET Time = NO EXTRA TIME.

Read all you can. It is easy to read or to listen to something inspirational. Be curious. Study.
Learn where the dangers are and how to avoid them.
Learn where the opportunities are and how to maximize them.
Never seize the quest for knowledge.
You should want to be bigger tomorrow than you are today. Learn from today and use those lessons to make tomorrow even better. And don´t be impatient with the time it takes to grow. Instead use the time and the lessons you have learned to your advantage.
Personal Development is a process with no end. The more you learn the more you realize how much you still need to learn.

Become a student of your own life. Pay attention. Sort through everything and keep the necessary knowledge.
You have to invest in yourself, do the inner work and put yourself back together piece by piece.
Do some constructive listening. Build your life... reading. You must teach yourself.
It can be the difference between being stuck in your past or embracing your future.

Cut Out Negativity

As I said earlier.....We live in such a negative world.
If you turn on the news it is mostly about killings, muggings, rapes, thefts, shootings, kidnappings and abuse. Same thing with the newspaper. It is difficult to have a positive and productive day after reading the morning newspaper or listening to the morning news.

Think of it like this...
You want to bake a delicious cake. So you naturally want to have the best ingredients to make this cake taste delicious...right?
But instead you pour in dirt, cement and small rocks......and you think you will be able to make it taste good?

Same thing with your mind.....you pour in bad ingredients into you "mental factory" and you think you will come out with inspiration, motivation and progress for the coming day and for your life?
As they say.......Trash in....Trash out.
Be aware and careful what you allow to enter your "mental factory" if you want to live and feel positive about your life and your future.

I stopped watching TV in 2012 except for a few programs that I carefully select. Super Soul Sunday with Oprah is the perfect program for me. It recharges my batteries for the coming week and it is loaded with super rich food for your soul. I do like movies but I prefer to watch a movie that I select on DVD or Netflix. I never channel surf. It is a waste of precious valuable time that I can use for something more productive.

In the average American household the TV is on 7 hours per day. Can you imagine what you could do with that time? Maybe learn a new skill or a new language?
I have only talked about TV. But it is the same things with The Internet, social media and cell phones. Be ware of energy and time thieves.

Now I do have to point out that The Internet isn´t all bad. There is a lot of useful, educational information and articles online. But we must learn to be selective when it comes to what we read and listen to.

Also be aware of the people that you surround yourself with.

                           "You become like the 5 people you spend the most time with"

Who are you spending time with?
People can either inspire you or they can drain you (Energy-Vampires) There are plenty of people who want to bring you down to their level, if you allow them.
Make sure that you surround yourself with people who are happy, positive and successful. The people that are going somewhere in life. The dreamers and the doers.
Surround yourself with people who believe in your dreams and that will support you as you pursue your new goals.

During the years I have had to cut out several people in my life. Others I had to limit the time I spent with them. I made sure in 2012, when I was feeling really bad that I only allowed supportive people into my life. Some people had to go. You don´t have to cut them out of your life forever but when you are trying to recuperate and create a new vision for your life, you certainly don´t want people around that don´t believe in you, and in your new vision.
Because in the beginning your dreams are very fragile and you are not sure that you will be able to pull it off.
Make sure that you have people around you that believe in you.....even when you don´t believe in yourself.

Make sure that you choose the right people for your "Inner Circle".
Once you are feeling a little stronger you can allow certain people back into your life.
I know this can be hard when it comes to family members. You might not be able to cut them out of your life completely, but you can at least limit your time with them.
Sometimes you just have to love certain people from a distance.

Learn To Self-Sooth

We must learn to self-sooth because anything you reach for out there won´t help you fix your problem and emptiness on the inside.
Learn to be still. You must learn to sit still through your painful feelings without turning to some form of addiction to numb out.
You can´t avoid the pain. It will eventually catch up with you. There will not be enough alcohol, drugs, food, sugar, gambling, shopping, sex, relationships, internet, TV or staying busy all the time, to distract you from your inner pain and to fill the emptiness that you feel on the inside.
Addiction will only wreck havoc in your life. You can´t keep on running. You can´t keep on putting off the pain for temporary feelings of pleasure. Those feelings won´t last You can never avoid feeling those uncomfortable feeling so you must learn to deal with them in a better way.
Remember...FEEL....DEAL....HEEL.

In life we all have "good and bad" feelings. No one wants the bad, but that isn´t reality. Life comes with a variety of good and bad things and feelings...... for all of us.

My favorite drug of choice is chocolate. If I want to numb out, I go for the sugar. When I feel bad I dive into the M&M´s.
When I was in the relationship with my narcissistic ex, I used to go shopping a lot as an escape. I had to get away from him and out of the house. I used to spend hours roaming the stores buying things that would make me feel better for the moment but as soon as I returned home and walked in the house the pleasurable feeling was no where to be found.
I did have a lot of pretty clothes, purses and shoes in my closet. But it didn´t do me any good because I never got to wear them.
A new purse and some chocolate was my best weapon for feeling insignificant, ignored and unworthy of love.

Learn to breath through the bad times and the feelings. The bad feelings just need to pass through your body. Stay still and don´t act on the bad feelings with some type of addictive behavior.
Learn to mediate, go for a walk, call a friend, watch a funny movie on TV.

Ask yourself...
What pain am I avoiding?

It is painful to tell the truth.
It is painful to show people who you really are.

Underneath all the pain is usually a fear of not being good enough and if we are not good enough, we won´t be loved.

It is easy to float the truth.
I will think about that tomorrow instead, or next week or month.
It´s addictive and it is an escape from the real problem

We like to put off the pain

Sit in your pain, feel the uncomfortable feelings. Don´t fight it. Learn from it.
Take action instead of numbing out.
You can´t fix what you don´t acknowledge. If you don´t tell the truth you will fix a lie.


You were not born to play small. You were born to sail. To expand. To grow. To live a bigger brighter version of yourself

Thank you for tuning in. Thank you for keeping your heart open to what I have shared.

Thank you for spreading the word and sharing with friends and family.

We always have the power to change the direction of our lives, at any time.


See you tomorrow for part four,

Karin

                                          Karin Glannstam - Personal Success Coach
                                                     www.karinglannstam.com

(Part 2) How To Quickly Get Back On Track After Life Knocks You Down

                                         Welcome to part 2 of this 5 part series

     How to quickly get back on track after life knocks you down

Change is very difficult. Most people avoid anything that has to do with change. We want things to remain the same. Only then will we feel comfortable. But that isn´t how life operates.
The only constant thing in life is change and we must learn to get comfortable with it.
Learn to get our of your comfort zone and to embrace change.

Sometimes change happens in the form of a loss.
Loss of a relationship, marriage, job, death of a loved one, financial loss or loss of your health.
Pain is part of life but most often we don´t like to feel pain and most of us try to avoid this feeling as much as possible. But we cannot avoid pain. It is part of life. We can´t just have the good in life. We also have to deal with things that are not as pleasant.
The good thing is that no one is exempt from pain. It happen to all of us.

Since it has now been 4 years since my own "Devine Storm", I have decided to share some of my most useful tips, ideas and strategies that helped we to quickly bounce back in life.


Grieve

You must grieve your loss.
Grieving is a process that we all must go through. Knowing how long it will take is very different from person to person. From what I have learned, it will take anywhere from1-3 years. And yes.... it is a process and we all have to go through it. You can not bypass it. If you are avoiding the process it will catch up with you later in life. So you might as well start going through the process right away after your loss.
There is no proper way to grieve. Whatever works for you. Just make sure that you do grieve. Never feel like you are weak because you are crying or grieving.
I am a crier so I do cry a lot and I do allow my feelings to surface. I can cry anywhere. At home, in the grocery store, at friends houses and at anytime. Tears are cleansing. Allow them to flow. Talking to friends is a great way of dealing with grief. If you don´t feel comfortable talking to friends or family members there are support groups available. You can also find support groups online. There are also plenty of books and articles on this topic.

I don´t recommend taking any pills or other methods of trying to avoid the pain. It will only slow down the process. You are just putting off the pain to sometime in the future. Believe me you will never be able to avoid it. It is a process and there is no way around it.
Feel...Deal....Heal.

Looking back on my own experience, I did feel pretty overwhelmed at the time in 2012 when I had 3 losses to deal with at the same time. A lot of times I didn´t know what tears belonged to what loss. It was difficult to deal with. But as I think back on it, I am in a way grateful now since it is behind me that I got to deal with it all the losses at the same time instead of the losses happening one by one. Then I might have had grieved for many more years.. This way I got over it a lot quicker.  But it was massive and overwhelming at the time.

Luckily I have a lot of great friend that helped me through and my 2 dogs were really great listeners.
I guess they really did not have a choice but to listen.
Spending time in nature is also very healing.

                     "Grief...never ends....But it changes. It´s a passage, not a place to stay.
                  Grief is not a sign of weakness, nor a lack of faith.... it is the price of love"
                                                             - Unknown

Self- Care

When we don´t feel really good we have a tendency to neglect our health and wellbeing .
It is important to NOT neglect yourself.

Staying in bed all day is not a great way to deal with a loss. I know it is tempting,  but feeling depressed is never a good option. Try to resist the urge of sleeping and staying in bed too much. Of course we all must sleep 7-9 hours per nigh.
You can´t be moving and depressed at the same time. Choose to take some kind of action every day to move your body.

Do what you can. If it is only walking around the block, than do it.
Start there, but try to be consistent. When all my losses occurred in 2012 I made a commitment to myself not to stay in bed during the day. And I kept that promise. I have always been an active person and my dogs needed to walk every day. So for me it was easy to stay active during the grieving process. Besides that I got to spend every day out in nature. I do recommend it
.
Take Action every day. Even if it is a small action step. In the end of the day you will feel so much better.
Dogs are great companions and they help you with staying active. But if you don´t have a dog, ask a friend to walk with you, hold you accountable and make sure that you get outside. I know that sometimes moving around is the last thing you want to do and you might not feel like you have the strength. But we do..... and trust me on this one....in the end you will feel so much better.
So get moving...even if it is just a short walk.
Make sure that you never isolate yourself from the world.

Try to eat right. Choose a healthy diet. I know most of us want to numb out on junk food, sugar and alcohol when we don´t feel good. That is the worst thing you can do. In the end it will only making you feel more miserable and besides you body needs good nutritious food to be able to heel.

I have to admit I wasn´t that good at this one when I felt the worst but I was very aware of the importance of a well balanced diet and I  did not allow my diet to get totally out of control. I did not want to gain weight because that would only make me feel more miserable. Pay attention to what you eat and try to be as healthy as possible.
I know that ice-cream sounds a lot better than carrot sticks.

Make sure that you get plenty of sleep, but not too much sleep. Sleeping helps the body and mind to recuperate and heal. This one was especially difficult for me because my "monkey mind" was going crazy. I was also suffering from PTSD and I had a lot of panic attacks and anxiety attacks. For many months I would only sleep 1-3 hours per night and that made me extremely tired. Sleeping pills are never a good option either. Try to stay away from drugs as much as possible.
It has taken me many years to get my sleeping habits back on track. I still don´t sleep as good as I would like to but most nights I can sleep 7 hours. But I wake up a lot more during the night than I used to do.
If you are moving during the day and exercising it will help you with your sleep. Eating a balanced diet is a great way of increasing your chances of a great night´s sleep.


Acceptance & Taking Responsibility

Accepting what has happened can a lot of times be very difficult. We like to hang on to things and then we ask ourselves WHY?
Why did this have to happen? and that is the worst question that you can ask yourself.
Instead ask NOW WHAT?

You must learn to accept the situation or you will not be able to move on. A lot of people hang on to what could have been, should be or this should not have happened. The longer you hang on to the past and the way you thought things were going to be, the more you will suffer.
Learn to accept the new situation. It doesn´t mean that you have to like it You can hate it but at least accept it.
When you accept it .... you can decide on how to make your next move.

This was difficult for me. It took me several months to accept that my life wasn´t going to be the way I had planned. I also had big difficulties in accepting that I was back living in Sweden. I really didn´t want to be there. I only wanted to be back in The US. But the minute I let go and started to accept things the way they were, small things started to change around me. And in 2013 I did return to Texas.
Accept the way things are and then you can start to make new plans for the future. If you don´t accept your present reality you will not be able to move on. You will find yourself stuck.
Believe me things won´t stay the same very long.
Remember..."this too shall pass"

You must take responsibility for your own actions and for what part you played in the loss or the crisis.
If it is a loss of a relationship or marriage, what part did you play in the breakdown of the relationship?
Same thing with and illness. If you suffer from diabetes, maybe this disease could have been prevented a little earlier, before it turned into a full blown health crisis?
Maybe a financial crisis or loss could have been avoided by changing your daily habits?

A lot of times things start with a little neglect. We neglect our spouse, children, health, finances.  
Soon a little neglect turns into a disease and after a little while it turns into a full blown crisis.

Stop blaming others for your crisis or loss.
It takes two to tango...right????? Things don´t just happen to us. Usually we have something to do with it.

Take full responsibility for your part and stop blaming other people.
If you continue to blame others it means that they have to change first before your situation can change. This will leave you feeling powerless. Instead take responsibility, take your power back and you can start to change immediately.
This one was fairly easy for me. Even though my ex was a narcissist I stayed in the relationship and did choose to ignore the red flags. I accepted my responsibility and I never got involved in the blame game. Learn from the lesson and move on. Blaming something or someone will only make you feeling stuck.
Don´t wait for something "out there" to change before you can make an "internal" change. It is never "out there" Change is always coming from the inside and you can change anytime you want to.
You have the power within yourself. Take responsibility for your own actions.


You were not born to play small. You were born to sail. To expand. To grow. To live a bigger and brighter version of yourself.

Thank you for tuning in. Thank you for keeping your heart open to what I have shared.

Thank you for spreading the word and sharing with friends and family.

We always have the power to change the direction of our lives, at any time.

See you tomorrow for part three,

Karin

                                           Karin Glannstam - Personal Success Coach
                                                      www.karinglannstam.com

(Part 1) How To Quickly Get Back On Track After Life Knocks You Down

                                         Welcome to part 1 in this 5 Part Series

   How to quickly get back on track after life knocks you down


Life happens to all of us. We all go through difficulties, setbacks and loss. Pain is part of life. Many people will allow pain to cripple them and keep them stuck, causing them to miss out on the next chapter of their life.

Life is like a book. There are a lot of chapters to your book. And just because you are reading a painful chapter of your book right now, doesn´t mean that you need to throw the whole book away. Just keep on reading and you will get to better and more interesting chapters. One bad chapter of the book doesn´t mean that it is the end of the book. Just turn the page. The book will get better soon.
Keep on reading.

If you are going through a painful situation right now or have been in the past.Try to find the higher purpose for your pain and suffering. Pain is often associated with a loss of some kind. Loss of a loved one, divorce, move to another city or country, loss of a job, loss of a relationship, financial loss or illness.
It is the loss of your dream for the future. The life you had planned.

It can also be called.... "change we didn´t choose". And since we didn´t choose it, it becomes very difficult to accept and to move on from. But just remember experiences....good or bad.... happens to all of us and we must learn from the experiences and we must learn how to move on.
To get back on track as quickly as possible is very important, because the longer you stay stuck in the past and what could have been or should be, the harder it will be to get going again.

Learn to feel you loss, deal with it and heal it. The faster you can do this the quicker you will find yourself back on track again so that you can continue on your next chapter in life.
You must take charge of your own life and get back on track.

Your pain is never here to stop you.
It is here to develop, prepare and increase you for the grater work that God or The Universe wants you to do in life. The pain that you are experiencing is here to prepare you for the next chapter in your life .....
If you are willing to look at the lesson.

We can create a mission for ourselves and get unstuck. Find the opportunity within the obstacle.

A great quote from Oprah Winfrey ...."Turn your Wounds into Wisdom"


In 2012 my own life totally collapsed¨.
First my mother died in Dec. of 2011. I had to leave a narcissistic abusive relationship in March 2012 and 2 weeks later I  returned to Sweden after living in The US for 25 years. (I was born and raised in Sweden)

I had 3 losses happening at the same time and it brought me to my knees.

Fast forward to today, 4 years later. My life looks very different.
I returned to The US in 2013 after spending one year in Sweden. I had decided to go back to school. I was 51 at the time that I went back to school so never think that you are too old to learn and to start something new in your life.
In 2014 I became a certified life coach.
Today I help people take their power back, get their lives back on track and create a better future for themselves. I have an on-line coaching business that allows me to reach people all over the world.

How to quickly get back on track after life knocks you down is my own experience. What I have learned in this process. What has worked and what hasn´t.
I will also share experiences of other people, mentors and coaches. Hopefully what I am about to share will change your life or maybe the life of someone you know.

I don´t know what is going on in your life right now but I hope you will find this information and strategies that I will share with you, useful and that you will share them with others. I want to share with you my experience, the knowledge that I have a acquired, things that have helped me a lot to be able to move forward in my own life.
I encourage you to try it.

You might not need the information today but maybe it can come in handy in the future when stormy weather hits and you need some tools on how to set the sail, navigate the storm and get to calmer waters.

This is a guide on how to take your power back, break free from the past, embrace and step into your new future.


Seek Professional Help & Support

You can not do it alone. You need someone that can shed some light to what is going on in your life.
Someone that will be able to empower you with knowledge and guidance.
In 2010 I had to seek the help from a therapist because my partner was acting very different than he had been doing from the 5 previous years that we had been together. He as acting very strange and I started to feel really bad. I just had this uncomfortable feeling that something wasn´t right but I could not figure out what was going on.

Finally I sought the help from a therapist and today I am so glad I did because she could shed some light on what was going on. She saw things that I could not see and things I would not have known. She quickly figured it out. My partner was narcissistic. I didn´t know what that meant at the time. Today I am so grateful for seeking professional help because if I wouldn't´t have sought help I might not have figured out what was going on so quickly or maybe I would never have gotten the answer at all.

When I came to Sweden in 2012 I quickly sought some new help from professional people. I was seeing 2 coaches at the same time.
I have many good friends but I didn´t want to burden them too much with what was going on. They could listen but sometimes you need a person that can give you knowledge and experience to help you. Friend are good for listening but I didn´t want to put too much pressure on them. Narcissistic abuse is very difficult to understand and my friends did not have the knowledge, but they were and still are.... great listeners and they are very supportive.

Support groups are great.
After 6 months of being in Sweden I joined a support group for abused women. We met twice a month, for 5 months  When you have been in an abusive situation you feel alone and often you feel like no one understands what you have gone through. In this support group I didn´t feel alone for the first time. 10 other women understood and it was a great experience to no longer feel alone. When we started the group we all sat around the table crying while sharing our stories. But when we finished, 5 months later we were all on our way to create new chapters in our lives. Great women and a fantastic experience. I learned so much from all the women and their stories. And I hope that while sharing my story, I helped them.
If you can´t find a support group where you live you can find support groups on-line.

"Alone you can do a lot, but together with the right support system, you´ll find that you will accomplish so much more"


Educate Yourself. Get the Facts

When my therapist first told me about narcissism, I had no idea what it was. But I started studying it immediately to educate myself on what I was dealing with.

It is the same thing if you are experiencing the loss of health. You have gotten a disease. You must study the disease and what you can do to make things better. You must first understand what is going on before you can take the appropriate action.
You must first deal with the facts.

When you know and understand.... you can start creating a plan of action.
Learn everything that can about what is going on. The more you know the better off you are. I was reading articles on-line, books and I listened to tele-seminars and webinars about narcissism. Anything that could help me understand what I was going on.

If you are experiencing the death of a loved one, or a financial loss, job loss. There are plenty of books and on-line articles. Learn, study as much as you can. It will help you move along and understanding what is going on. Knowledge is power and it will assist you in taking the right action steps.
The more I read about narcissism the more I understood that I had no choice but to walk away from the relationship. The quicker the better.
I educated myself on the facts, talked to my therapist and my friends and in March of 2012 I walked away from my relationship of almost 8 years and I didn´t look back.

Study....Learn....Read all you can. It will empower you.


Walk Away. Get Out Of Harms Way

If someone or something is hurting you, you must get away.
Don´t stick around because the situation will most likely not get any better.

Today we know that smoking cigarettes will often kill you. So why continue smoking?
If certain food will make you sick, why do you continue to eat it?
If you have high blood pressure or high cholesterol you must change your habits.

Same thing with toxic relationships. If you stick around long enough, it might kill you. Maybe not physically but your soul will slowly die, your dreams and your future.

We must get comfortable with the unknown and with letting go of a toxic relationship or situation. We  must steep into the faith that we can create the life that we truly desire as an authentic self.

I knew if my dreams for my future wasn´t going to die, I had to walk away from my narcissistic relationship.
If you have ever been in a destructive relationship, you know that it is very hard to plan for your future because your abuser will keep you so busy with his/her own drama and manipulative crazy-making behavior that it will almost be impossible to be able to create a better future for yourself while you are still in the relationship. My ex made sure that I didn´t have time for myself to create any new plans for my future. Because if I would have had time to think and plan I would have created a new and better future that would not have included him. He would have lost his control over me.

How can you heal a wound if someone is constantly picking at it?
Get out of harms way as quickly as possible so that you can think clearly and heal.

Let go of what isn´t working so that you can engage in what does work.

A lot of time the fear of the suffering is greater that the suffering itself.
Learn to let go.
Get out of harms way and let the healing process begin.

You were not born to play small. You were born to sail. To expand. To grow. To live a bigger brighter version of yourself.


Thank you for tuning in. Thank you for keeping your heart open to what I have shared.

Thank you for spreading the word and sharing with friends and family.

We always have the power to change the direction of our lives, at any time.


See You Tomorrow For Episode Two!

Karin

                                          Karin Glannstam - Personal Success Coach
                                                       www.karinglannstam.com