Why Being Ignored Makes Us Feel Unhappy And Disconnected

Did you know that when people that are riding an elevator is getting completely ignored by the stranger next to him in the elevator that it changes his feelings? Going from feeling happiness toward feeling hurt.
The same thing happens with a pedestrian walking past a stranger without getting acknowledgement  from the stranger actually felt a lower sense of connection.

If this happens when we are getting ignored by people that we don´t know, can you imagine how we feel when we are getting ignored by the people that we know and that we care about. The people that we are in relationships with. Family, friends, lovers, co-workers.

I always remember Oprah talking about all the people that she had interviewed over the 25 years that she did the Oprah Winfrey show. She said that everyone that she interviewed just wanted to know..... "Do your hear me?", "Do you see me?", "Do what I say matter to you?"

We all just want to be acknowledged by the people around us. Especially the people that we care about and that we are in close relationships with. In other words...... we all want to be seen, heard and know that we matter.

I read the most interesting article last week about how important it is to respond to people when they ask for out attention. That we turn to the person asking, putting out phones down and give them our undivided attention. Often we miss these moments when people ask for out attention. We are so busy all the time and we have very little time for other people´s requests and often we forget to give them our undivided attention.
But the author of the article pointed out how important these moments are and how they can make a huge difference in our relationships with others.

When you respond to someone's request you don´t have to do what they are asking for right away or you don´t  have to do it at all. But the important thing is that you responded to the request by giving them the attention when they ask. Not responding several hours later or even days later and also that when we do respond we give them full attention whether it is on the phone or in person.
People might get disappointed if you can´t help them do what they are asking for, but at least they will not feel ignored.
The worst feeling is feeling ignored by people that we care about. And that is what Oprah was also talking about when she said that most people just want to know..."Do you see me...Do I matter to you?"

The article was also taking about that the worst punishment for a prisoner is solitary confinement.
One of the most hurtful things a kid can do to another is ditch another kid on the playground.
And one of the most hurtful things a friend can do to another friend is to give them the "silent treatment".

These are experiences of social isolation, and social isolation is the strongest psychological risk factor for disease. More than stress, more than anything else.

The experience of being seen and heard is a deep human need. Therefore it is so important that we give our closet relationships visibility. The more we share these moments the stronger our relationships will become.

As I read this article I was thinking back on my relationship with an narcissistic abusive partner. His favorite thing was to give me the "silent treatment". I didn´t know it at the time that it was the "silent treatment" and also that the "silent treatment" is in fact.... emotional abuse.

In the beginning of our relationship when we still lived in different houses, he could give me the silent treatment for a week by not calling me. It usually happened if we got into a discussion or a disagreement that he didn´t like or if I did something he didn´t approve of .
He simple would not contact me for days or weeks and the only reason we started talking again was that I finally called him. And when I did, he acted like nothing had happened and of course at the time I didn´t ask why he acted in this way and I didn´t understand what was actually going on.

Later when  we had moved in together he had another way of giving me the "silence treatment". Since he could not ignoring me by not contacting me. He came up with a different way of ignoring me. Often during our conversation he would all of a sudden stop talking, shut his eyes, tilt his head backwards and stick his nose up in the air. And that was basically letting me know that I was being ignored right now. He was punishing me.

I didn´t know that the "silence treatment" is one of the greatest tools a narcissist has in his toolbox and it wasn't until I left the relationship in 2012, got away from the drama that I  finally had some time to focus on myself that I had time to study about narcissism and that is when I found out that they use the "silent treatment" a lot  as a way of punishing their partner if they do or say something that they don´t like. And I also learned that "silence treatment" is psychological and emotional abuse.

So I hope that next time someone is requesting you time, that you will give that person your undivided attention. Don´t ignore the people closest to you and also don´t ignore all the people and strangers around you.
Just a simple smile will do.
Just remember that  you can make someone else feel happier and more connected by a simple smile or "Hello".

                                             Karin Glannstam - Personal Success Coach
                                                         www.karinglannstam.com

The Power of Discipline

This morning  I didn´t feel like going running. It was wet, gloomy and cold outside. I was trying to come up with every reason in the world why I shouldn´t have to go running.

Well as it turned out I couldn´t come up with a good enough reason or excuse why I shouldn´t exercise and besides that my two, 4-legged girls were ready to go. Rain or shine, they are always ready to go walking or running. They are great helpers when it comes to staying on task with my exercising schedule.

Discipline is what we are going to talk about today.
It is a dreaded word by a lot of people

So what is discipline?

Discipline is simply doing what you know needs to be done even when you don´t want to do it.

A few great quotes......

"With self-discipline most anything is possible."
- Theodor Roosevelt

"Discipline is the bridge between goals and accomplishments."
- Jim Rohn

"The first and best victory is to conquer self"
- Plato

We live in a society built around convenience. The downside to this is that it has made us lazy. The desire to set a goal and to accomplish it is there, but the self-sacrifice needed to make your goal into reality, isn´t.

If you attempt to accomplish a goal based on when it is convenient for you....you will be running around in a giant hamster wheel chasing your goals and your dreams without any chance of ever accomplishing them.

A great way to develop self-discipline is to make a habit to do things you should be doing when you feel the laziest. Every time you feel really lazy, do the opposite of what you really feel like doing.

Isn´t it about time you stopped making excuses....and if you don´t do it NOW - "later" is not going to happen.
Excuses mean that you are not committed. It also means that you are not taking responsibility for your life.

I think Jim Rohn said it best.....

"Everyone must choose one of two pains:
The pain of discipline or the pain of regret."

I don´t know about you...but I don´t want to ever live with regrets, so I will choose the pain of discipline.

At the end of the day, our excuses are what is keeping us from accomplishing our goals that we said we wanted to accomplish.

                                            Karin Glannstam - Personal Success Coach
                                                     www.karinglannstam.com

Great Book...The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Steven Covey

The 7 habits of highly effective people is a book about powerful lessons in personal change.

In this book Stephen Covey presents a holistic, integrated, principle-centered approach for solving personal and professional problems.

Covey reveals a step-by-step pathway for living with fairness, integrity, honesty, and human dignity-principles that give us the security to adapt to change, and the wisdom and power to take advantage of the opportunities that change create.

1. Be Proactive. You are the creator. You are in in charge and totally responsible.

2. Begin with the end in mind. All things are created twice; First mentally, then physically.

3. Put first thing first. How to take deliberate action

4. Think win/win. Resources and opportunities are plentiful. There is enough for everyone. It´s not "your way or my way", it´s a better way, a higher way.

5. Seek first to understand. Then to be understood. Communication is the most important skill in life. Listening is a fine art, one that requires energy and effort.

6. Synergize. Concentrating the ambition and talents of many people produces a sum that is greater than its parts.

7. Sharpen the saw. A healthy individual must make time for renewal. Advance is an upwards spiral from inside out.

Life is a marathon not a sprint. Completing the course successfully requires deliberate focus and persistent, routine action.  

We are what we repeatedly do.

Successful people make a habit of doing things that failures don´t like to do. Effective people are opportunity minded, not problem minded.

Karin Glannstam - Personal Success Coach

www.karinglannstam.com

 

FREE Life-Coaching for The Holidays

For a lot of us it is challenging to face the holidays.

Often we get triggered by family, loneliness and food. The holidays are filled with triggers.

Many adults are spending the holidays feeling lonely and depressed.

I would like to support you in the weeks leading up the this holiday season.

If you would like some help handling the holiday stress, Please  go to my website and sign up for a FREE 45-minute coaching session. No stings attached.
www.karinglannstam.com

You will have my undivided attention for 45 full minutes, to talk about what will help you right NOW.

I will give away 10 FREE, 45-minute sessions.
It is first come first serve, and you have to sign up by Friday November 27th, 2015.
You can schedule your session for anytime between now and the end of this year.

All coaching is on the phone or via Skype.
I can coach in English or Swedish
All coaching is confidential.

                                          Karin Glannstam - Personal Success Coach
                                                  www.karinglannstam.com

Self-love isn´t Selfish......It is Necessary

                           "Self-love requires courage. Have the strength to be who you are
                                     in a world that tries desperately to make you different.
                                             Never compromise to be who you are not."

We all want love, so a lot of times we will adjust ourselves to the person that we are with at the time. We do this so that we can get love.

In order to get love from our parents we try to keep them happy and later we try to keep a partner or a friend happy so in return we can get love.

But sometimes we don´t get love, no matter how happy we try to make them. What happens then?

We try so hard to make others happy that in the meantime we end up losing ourselves.

We try harder and harder to make them happy, but we get less and less back.

We try even harder because we don´t think or feel that we are trying hard enough.

What we don´t realize, that there might not be any love to get from this person and that we better off moving on.

What we must learn to do is to love ourselves, then we don´t need other people to love us. And if they love us, that is just icing on the cake, but we are OK without it because we love and respect ourselves and we won´t try to get love from places where we can´t get it.

Don´t betray yourself when there is no love to be found. Just move on and the Universe will always love you and support you.

Remember to always love yourself first.


                          "Self-love requires you to be honest about your current choices
                                     and thought patterns and undertake new practices
                                                       that reflect self worth."

Think about it like this....

If I want give away a dozen apples....I first have to get a dozen apples so I can give them away to somebody.
If I don´t have a dozen apples I can´t give a dozen apples away.
It´s simple.....we can´t give away what we don´t have.

Same thing with love. First you have to have love for yourself. If you don´t love yourself....how can you give love away to other people? You can´t.

Again...we can´t give away what we don´t have. It starts with you. You can´t give away what you don't have. No matter what it is.

If you choose to love yourself then you never have to look for it elsewhere. You don´t have to stay in toxic relationships, bad jobs, sacrifice your dreams and living someone else's life.

Self love isn´t selfish, it is necessary.

                                       Karin Glannstam - Personal Success Coach
                                                    www.karinglannstam.com

Great Book.......Instinct..by T.D. Jakes

                                          "The best decisions aren't made with your mind,
                                                          but with your instinct." 
                                                                - Lionel Messi

                      Never apologize for trusting your intuition - your brain can play tricks,
                                      your heart can blind, but your gut is always right.

       Think for yourself. Trust your own intuition. Another mind isn´t walking your journey.
                                                                    You are.                                                 

                                              Book selection approved by Nikki (my dog)


 Instinct Has a Rhythm


     Our instincts are the treasure map for our soul´s satisfaction. Following our instincts can make the crucial distinction between what we are good at - our vocation or skill set - and what we are good for - the fulfillment of our purposeful potential. When you´re truly engaged with your life´s calling, whether in the boutique, the banquet hall, or the boardroom, you rely on something that cannot be taught.
     I´m convinced that our instincts can provide the combination we need to align our unique variables with our callings and release the treasure within us. When harnessed, refined, and heeded, our instincts can provide they key to unlocking our most productive, most satisfying, most joyful lives.
                                                                                          from Instinct......by T.D.Jakes

                                        Karin Glannstam - Personal Success Coach
                                                          www.karinglannstam.com

Feeling Overwhelmed........Try This!

I know that you have a big heart and that you want to serve other people. But if you are bogged down and constantly getting interrupted by other people´s urgencies and agendas, it is time to do this.....

Learn to say NO!

                                      "You can do anything but not everything"

Almost everyone that I talk to or coach today are feeling overwhelmed. Especially women.
Women  are the care-takes of a lot of people, including spouses, children, parents, friends and co-workers. Sometimes it gets to be too much and the person that we forget to take care of, and that we most neglect is...... ourselves.

I always ask my coaching clients......
What will happen if you break...... What will happen to all the people that you are taking care of?
Since women seldom have time to take care of themselves and a lot of times will have a tendency to make other people more important than themselves.......their health and wellbeing will eventually be at stake. Which will eventually lead to poor eating habits, poor sleeping patterns, high levels of stress and also addictions.
As women we must learn self-care......and self-care is NOT being selfish. 


              "You have to learn to say no without feeling guilty. Setting boundaries is healthy.
                                You need to learn to respect and take care of yourself."

                        "Learn to say ´No´ to the good so you can say ´Yes´ to the best."
                                                               - John Maxwell

Say No to other peoples interruptions and urgencies.
Learn to differentiate between important and urgent tasks.

If you are seeking outside validation and are afraid that people will be angry with you if you say no....you might want to check in with yourself and try to figure out why you are feeling this way.

By the way... if someone doesn´t like you because you say NO to doing something that isn´t important to you ...you might want to consider evaluating your friendship. A true friend will not get angry with you if you tell them no.

If you are seeking outside validation and you brag about your "busyness" you might want to do some soul-searching too.... to find out why you need outside validation to feel good about yourself, instead of validating yourself.
Pay attention to yourself and find out why you are doing these things. Always ask yourself before doing something....
What is my intention for doing this?

Another great tip if someone is asking you to do something that you really don´t want to do or your might suspect that you really don´t have the time to invest in this project. Instead of telling them yes right away when they ask.
Tell them that you want to think about it over night or for a few days and then you will get back with them.
Then sit down and look at your schedule and ask yourself........
Do I really have time for this and what is my intention  for wanting to do this?

Everything looks a lot different if you sleep on it and have some time to look it over. Then you can decide on what you want to do.
If you don´t have time, just simply tell them that at this time you don´t feel like there is enough time for you to dedicate to doing this. Tell them that you appreciate that they asked you, but you simply don´t have enough time right now, because you want to  to do a great job on the project or the task and right now is not a good time.

People will understand and they will appreciate you for your honesty. And if they don´t and they get mad....maybe it is time to find a new friendship. Obviously that person doesn´t care about YOU, anyway.  
And we don´t need people like that around us.

      

 

Karin Glannstam - Personal Success Coach

www.karinglannstam.com

Do You Know the Difference Between a Vision and a Goal?

                                        "Where there is no vision, there is no hope."
                                                 - George Washington Carver

                                    "Set goals high and don´t stop till you get there."
                                                           - Bo Jackson


I am sure you have heard the words vision and goals being tossed around a lot lately.
Everywhere you look and listen a lot of people are discussing how to create your vision and live the life of your dreams.

We must create a vision for out lives....
We need goals to accomplish our vision....
We must first know our vision before we can accomplish our dreams...
Without a vision people will perish....
Goals lead to success.......
Goals...Goals...Goals!!!

Well.... I think you get the idea.

Do you know the difference between a vision and a goal?

First we must create a vision.
What do I really want. What am I trying to create here. Without a vision it is a little hard to figure out where you are going to go.
Goals are simply stepping stones to get you to your vision.

Let me give you and example.....
If you are planning a trip to go overseas and visit Paris for a week....you first need to decide where you are going.
Paris... is your vision
Now your goals are like little stepping stones. Daily, weekly and monthly, yearly action steps that will take you in the right direction.
Going to Paris. You need to decide for how long, when and if you are going to travel by yourself or together with someone. How much money will you need.

Goals are deciding how much money you need to save every week or month to get there. Maybe you want to start studying some French. Maybe getting in better shape because in Europe people walk a lot more. Reading some books about French culture.

Another example is weight loss and living a healthier life style
The vision is weight loss...20 Pounds and healthier living.
The goals are maybe drinking more water on a daily base, start an exercising routine 3-4 times per week. Maybe joining Weigh Watchers and attending weekly meeting. Replacing sugar with eating more fruits. Reading a few books about people who have been successful at losing and then maintaining their weight.

A lot of time when I start coaching new clients they don´t know what they want. The only know that they don´t like their current situation and they want something to change.
So first it is important to figure your vision...WHAT DO YOU REALLY WANT?

Here are a few TIPS!

1. Figure out your vision. You have to know where you want to be in the future.
    (weight loss)

2. Always be specific (20 pounds) 

3. Always put a time line on your vision. (I want to have lost the weight by Aug. 31, 2016)

4. Now start creating your daily, weekly, monthly and yearly goals.
   Your action steps that will move  you in the direction of your vision.
   
5. Always put everything in writing and look at your vision and your goals
   at least twice a day.

                                               
                                          Karin Glannstam - Personal Success Coach
                                                    www.karinglannstam.com

Great Book.....Life Code....by Dr. Phil McGraw

Today I want to mention a great book by...... Dr. Phil McGraw...Life Code

     I read this book the first time about 2 years ago and I just find it to be a source of great information and filled with useful tips. Since I had a few weeks off last month I decided to read this book one more time. I thought it was even better the second time around.

                           I believe that all of our lives are made up of a series of "trials" or tests
                                            and challenges that, when laid end-to-end,
                                                comprise the timeline of our existence

     If you read this book, you´re going to have a huge leg up on the competition, regardless of whether you´re competing for a job, a spouse, a social position, or friends.
You are going to have a well-thought-out, passion-fueled strategy built on the skills and confidence that flow from rolling up your sleeves and learning what others simply do not know.

     By the time you finish this book, you´ll have the power to define success in your life, the ability to spot potential obstacles to your success, and the tools you can immediately implement to get and protect exactly what you want in this life. If you´re stuck in old thinking about hard work, patience and "playing by the rules," you are about to learn how to "play big" and be the star of your own life.

                                              Karin Glannstam - Personal Success Coach
                                                        www.karinglannstam.com

Are You Addicted to "Busyness"?

                                           "No one is "too busy" in this world,
                                                     It´s all about priorities."

                        "Never get so busy making a living that you forget to make a life."

You have probably listen to a lot of people tell you how busy they are?

Most of the clients that I coach are stating that one of the biggest issues they have is feeling overwhelmed all the time. They feel like they have no time.....always being too busy.
In other words.......They can´t find any balance in their life.

So the next thing I ask them .....
What are you doing to make yourself feel so overwhelmed?
They move all the time, always doing something. It seems like a lot of people can´t even be still for one minute. The constantly have to stay busy doing something.

I notice that some people are afraid to stop moving because their sense of importance comes from "being busy". They feel important when they have a packed schedule and a lot of things to do.
A packed schedule might eventually lead to burnout or stress. In other words feeling overwhelmed all the time.
The truth is that busyness does not result is greater productivity.

Busy can be a way of life. We feel important by all the incoming emails and text messages that makes us feel wanted and validated. We post things on FB to see how many likes we can get. Constantly changing  our profile picture or posting "selfies to get a feeling of worthiness by the comments that we are getting.

Busy has a dangerous allure but it is exhausting and ultimately an empty way of living.

Many people feel great when other people make demands on their time.  Our ego gets a large boost and we feel wanted. A lot of people need to get validated by constantly helping others or staying busy.

I see people staying so busy that they neglect to take care of themselves. They are constantly on the go and a lot of times the neglect their health, wellbeing, their family, hobbies and often end up feeling depleted and stressed out.

Sometimes we make ourselves busy doing less important things to avoid doing the work that will be beneficial to ourselves. Of course working on our own goals  and our own vision will require more work of us than being busy with less important things.

I read something a while back about a Buddhist monk by the name of Sogyal Rinpoche. He calls it "active laziness" - the filling of our lives with unessential tasks so we feel full of responsibilities or, as he calls them, "irresponsibilities."

People tell me all the time that they don´t have the time to exercise, cook, read a book, getting together with friends.
Not true. You simply choose not to.
The things that makes us busy is the result of our own decisions

Challenge yourself to go a week without needless busyness or social media saturation.

 

Karin Glannstam - Personal Success Coach

www.karinglannstam.com

 

I Tried Something New Today - Yin Yoga

Today I tried Yin Yoga for the first time.

I have done yoga before but this kind of yoga was very different. Yin yoga targets the deep connective tissues of the body and the fascia that covers the body.

This yoga also helps regulate the flow of energy in the body.

Yin yoga are more passive, postures mainly on the floor and you are asked to relax in the posture, soften the muscle and move closer to the bone.

Yin offers a much deeper access to the body and each posture were held anywhere from 3-5 minutes.

The time spent in these postures it´s like time spent in meditation.

Yin yoga is a wonderful way to maintain flexibility.

The session lasted for a little over an hour and I felt so relaxed and calm afterwards. I can see this type of yoga being a great stress-reliever.

If you want to try this kind of yoga and you are in Växjö, Sweden. You can go to
www.parment.se to get more information or to sign up for a session

The first session is complimentary to see if it is a good fit for you.

 

                    Feeling relaxed after today´s first session of Yin Yoga - together with Ewa

                                      Karin Glannstam - Personal Success Coach
                                                www.karinglannstam.com

A Great Book to Inspire and Motivate You

Great Book that I just read..."Act like a Success Think like a Success"...by Steve Harvey

In this book Steve Harvey shares his personal principles of his success with a great sense of humor and remarkable insights. This book will inspire you and motivate you to make some new changes in your own life.

I just love this analogy from the book. He calls it "Man on a Rope"

      For those of you striving to become successful, our journey can be compared to the task of pulling a wagon up a steep hill. Those willing to make the climb are typically business leaders, business owners, heads of families, foundation heads, leaders of children, or pastors of churches. This wagon is like a wooden wagon that you have seen in Westerns. Our responsibility is to pull the wagon uphill.
       This wagon doesn´t have rubber wheels on it. It doesn´t have a motor. It doesn´t have wire spokes. It is just an old wagon that you are pulling up a hill.
What makes your journey more challenging is the added weight of the people riding in your wagon.    You are carrying them. The only people who can get on the wagon are people whom you allow to board. If you are smart, you will choose based on who will assist you in getting the heavy wagon up the hill. You don´t want a cart full of dead weight. No one else can pull the wagon but you. You are the one who wants to become successful. You´re the one with the gift and the vision. Whom do you have on your wagon.
      People can aid you in your climb, but they can´t pull your rope for you. What you are looking for are people who have one leg over on the side, pushing with their foot and trying to help you move the wagon up the hill. They are not strong on their own to have their own wagon, but they are good enough that you are letting them help you get your wagon up the hill.
      The people in your wagon should play various roles that contributes to your success, or else what is the point of lugging them around. The problem with dragging everybody up the hill is that some are not contributing. When they see that you are not looking they lift their foot up and just ride a bit. Some people have gotten so slick with it that they have figured out how to get up in the middle of the wagon and not do anything at all but just ride.
      Whom do you have on your wagon who isn´t helping you get up the hill? You want people who can propel your vision. When pulling a wagon up the hill, everyone on board must have a role of value or significance. You want to have people with you who can aid you on your journey.

                                 
                                                Karin Glannstam - Personal Success Coach
                                                         www.karinglannstam.com

Learn How to Release your Emotions

Our emotions are important and they communicate to us every day how we are feeling.
It happens all day and every day.
Sadness, anger, worry and fear are all examples of emotions and every day we have a wide range of them.
Some of them have a high intensity and some might be of lower intensity.
The important thing is to learn how to release those emotions in a healthy way and don´t allow them to get stuck in your body.

Lets take sadness as an example....
All of a sudden you get a feeling of sadness in your body. The important thing to do when that happens is to allow yourself to feel the feeling. It takes about 90 seconds for a feeling to move thought the body. What we must learn is to be able to let that feeling flow through our bodies without giving it  meaning. Just stay with the feeling, feel the sadness and then let it go. Let it flow out of your body.

              "The walls we build around us to keep sadness out also keeps out the joy."
                                                        - Jim Rohn

The problem is that we often attach meaning to the feeling and then we act on the feeling with some kind of addictive behavior.
You feel sad and instead of feeling the feeling, you give it meaning and then you find yourself digging through the refrigerator for something to eat even though you are not hungry. The problem is that we don´t allow ourselves to feel the feeling. It feels uncomfortable and we rather numb it with some kind of addictive behavior.
If we just allowed ourselves to feel the feeling, give it 90 seconds to pass through our body we would be doing just fine and we would save a trip to the refrigerator.

Of course if you haven't allowed yourself to feel your feelings for a while it might take some time to get the hang of it. But with practice and staying preset you will eventually be able to release the emotion without giving it meaning and acting on it with some kind of action that will not be empowering.

Allow your emotions to flow.

Allow yourself to feel your feelings

You have the power within you to stay present and allow that feeling to pass though your body.

                                        Karin Glannstam - Personal Success Coach
                                                       www.karinglannstam.com